Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Suppertime Conversation.

October 2, 2005

It’s funny, how as your children get older, you find out stuff. It makes me think of the things that my sister and brother and I used to do and how we kept some stuff to ourselves, never telling our parents until years later….’cause then it’s funny. We KNOW we can’t possibly get into trouble. I’m at that stage with my own kids. Well at least my oldest two.

We’re at the supper table a couple of weeks ago and Sean and Matthew are talking about something that happened when they were about 12 and 13.

We lived out in the country, surronded by woods, lots of land and up on the hill stood my husband’s grandfather’s old house. It wasn’t lived in anymore, but still stood, filled with furniture, old clothes, papers, toys….remnants of a time and era gone by.

The boys are up there, with their oldest cousin, rooting around in the old house, searching for treasure. Not sure what they hoped to find but it must have been fun, going through the old house, up in the attic, searching the rooms, looking through old boxes, hoping to find something of value or at the very least, find something mysterious. Boys love a good mystery. But then mother nature calls and someone has to poop. That someone is Matt. Figures. That kid can poop like nobody’s business! Anyway, I digress. So Matt says to Sean and their cousin, “I have to poop”. Well, honestly, he COULD have walked down the driveway to our home and used our running, civilized, indoor plumbing. BUT hell, that would disrupt the “mood” of treasure hunting in an old dilapitated house.

Soooo, the 3 boys are standing there, wondering what the hell they can do about this (they’re telling me this story, and I’m thinking to myself, the 3 of you really thought about this, together? I mean, if someone tells me they have to shit, I’m thinking, well just shit, I’m certainly not helping you with that. Anyhooooo….So they all look towards the bathroom in the old house. Well I mean, there technically is a toilet in there, so it technically IS a bathroom. Just that there’s no water……and, well, no toilet paper. But hey, Matt is like 12 1/2, so who cares where he shits right? He sure doesn’t. I mean his ass was going to be on a toilet, so, well, ummm, ok.

So he shits. In the old toilet. The toilet with no running water. No water period. Okay, well the deed is done. The other 2 boys are standing just outside the door. Waiting I guess. Big event. So Matt says, “Ummm, there’s no toilet paper”. Gee, ya think? It’s an old, abandoned house (Grampy moved out awhile back), so, exactly, there isn’t going to be any toilet paper. Bloody hell, what do to now?

I’m thinking at this point, Matt is having an internal dialogue about what to do. Not exactly….he’s ASKING the other boys what he should do. They’re really no help and say, “I don’t know”. So Matt, being the creative genius that he is, looks around while his ass is sitting on the waterless, now shitful toilet (is that a word? Tough, it is now.) and spies something. I can practically envision the lightbulb going on over his blonde head! The curtains. There are still curtains hanging in the bathroom that is void of water and toilet paper. Oh my gawd!

So he does what any person would do….wipes his ass with the curtains. And then does what any person would do afterwards…..HANGS THEM BACK UP. WHAT????????

So they continue on their merry way, picking through the rubble, the boxes, the old dresser drawers in search of their boy fantasy treasures. They apparently went back the next day to do more searching and playing and laughed their asses off at the bathroom curtains blowing in the breeze, that now had a lovely brown streak zig zagging across them. I just know I’m going to have more of these stories told to me by my kids. This story made me laugh, really hard! And it made me think back to all the good times we had as a family and all of the good times still to come. I wonder what they’ll tell me next? LOL!

Posted by Sassy @ 2:34 amKids,PoopNo comments  

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