Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
The Pool Incident. OMG.

October 9, 2005

Ok, well today started off as a pretty normal day. It’s Sunday. Usually our “family day” but we had that yesterday since Amanda had to work today and hubby and Sean were going to go hunting. So recently, we got a family membership at our local rec center. Big workout facility, pool, hockey rink…you get the idea.

Anyhooo, so I decided to take Ryan and Madison swimming (actually it was hubby’s bright idea yesterday…thanks sweetie. Love you.). Matt and Amanda were meeting us there. Great. So far so freakin’ good. We get there, get changed, head to the pool.

It’s kind of a neat pool….on the far end, is the deep end, the 2 lap lanes, then a big rope, and the more shallow end. But part of the shallow end is probably at least 3.5 feet or so. Then you have the wave part, where you get in and the flow of the water just pushes you along. I avoided that since I can’t swim even though it’s only about 3 feet deep. Best to avoid possible embarrassing situations. Then you have the really shallow part for little ones to play about. That’s where I stayed with Ryan and Madison. Matt and Amanda helped me out for a bit while they were there. Taking turns with the kids, taking them into the wave part etc. But they left a little before we did. Not a good plan.

I did the standard “we’re leaving in 15 mins”, then “we’re leaving in 10 mins”, then “we’re leaving in 5 mins”, then the “we’re leaving”. I had warned the kids BEFORE we got to the pool that when I said get out of the pool, you get your little asses out of the pool. I’ve got it made right? Nope.

I said, “we’re leaving, follow me, I’m getting our towels”. I turned my back for 2 seconds, looked back and I see them heading back out into the deeper part of the shallow end. Like WTF? I start to holler their names, individually, Ryan, Maddy, then combined…..MadRy, RyMaddy, RyanMad, MadRyan, then it all became a goddamn blur. They’re totally ignoring me. I have a pool full of strangers, staring at me, thinking, OMG what’s wrong with that woman? Can’t she control those SpongeSquirterIgnoringPants children? Not so much today.

So then Maddy is going even further out and Ryan, being the big brother, decides he’s going to save her. Huhn? He can’t swim. And he’s not wearing a life jacket. Maddy is and when he’s trying to pull her back towards the more shallow part, he is pulling her under as well as himself. OMG can I shit now? They’re flailing around like fish out of water, ‘cept they’re kids in water who can’t swim.

By this time, I’m a tad pissed because had they listened to me the first time and followed me out of the pool, we’d be happily on our way home and also, they wouldn’t be DROWNING. So I throw off my towel, and dash back into the pool. Ya, and the life guard jumps in too. GREAT. Let’s cause an even bigger scene at the public pool, because not nearly enough people are staring at me.

We both get to the kids at the same time, life guard Sally grabs Ryan and I grab Maddy. In the back of my mind, I’m thinking of ways to kill them when I get home now that they are safe from drowning. We sit them up on the ledge and ask them if they’re ok (I’m still plotting things in the back of my mind) and Ryan, who does not speak to strangers EVER, starts yelling at Life guard Sally…”THAT IS MY SISTER. HER NAME IS MADDY. I WAS SAVING HER LIFE. SHE LOST HER KIM POSSIBLE RING IN THE POOL AND IT’S FLOATING AWAY”.

Well then, that’s the big commotion. That’s why they didn’t listen, not because they’re outright brats but because Kim frigging Possible is floating away and they’re freaking. Life explained. Frig me. So Life guard Sally says, “well since I jumped in, I have to get you to come to the first aid room to fill out paperwork”. PEACHY. She tells us we can get changed first. Good. Because I want to be nice and dry when I hang my kids up by their ears.

We get changed, go fill out our paper work (Oh and someone other than Life guard Sally will be calling our house tomorrow to ask questions…standard procedure. NICE.). I can’t wait to tell my husband this heartwarming story and let him know that if he ever suggests I take my kids to the pool by myself again, I’ll have to stomp on his head. Love that man, well most days. Today, well. Hmmm. Ask me tomorrow. Kidding. Sort of. Love you honey.

Posted by Sassy @ 10:51 pmEmbarrassing,Kids1 comment  

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One Response to “The Pool Incident. OMG.”

  1. OMG That was HILARIOUS!!!!!!! I know you told me the story on the phone but OMG I’m pissing myself!
    Your kids are HYSTERICALLY funny!
    Love ya! Great blog!
    Love Karen

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