October 12, 2005
Once upon a time, I decided to make meatloaf. I called my mom to get her recipe. I’ve had her meatloaf many times, as has my husband and older children. It’s good. Good as any meatloaf I’ve ever been exposed to. So I write down all the ingredients, and instructions on what to do with the ingredients. Instructions? Is that right?
Anyway, I follow the directions, place it in the oven and patiently wait for it to be done. I’m excited about this since I don’t often experiment in the kitchen. And if I do, look out people, because you never know what you’ll get.
Ding ding ding, timer goes off on the oven. Meatloaf is DONE! Yay! I put on my blue and pink oven mittens, and pull it out. Ummmmmmmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. That’s funny…it looked pretty normal when I put it in to cook but let me tell ya, coming out, it didn’t look good. At all. Actually saying it didn’t look good is being kind. It looked like, well SHIT. Hard, molded, rubbery shit. I’m pretty sure I put everything in. And I’m pretty sure I cooked it at the right temperature and at the right time. Not 100% sure. But pretty sure.
Fast forward about 15 minutes. Hubby comes home. Walks over to the stove and says, and I quote…..”What the hell is that?? We’re not eating that are we? Is that supper”? Well, honey, it actually IS our supper. Sorry. I’m not sure what happened. But it’s meatloaf. “Meatloaf????? Who’s frigging recipe is that? Why is it all rubbery and hard looking? And blackish”? It’s my mom’s meatloaf recipe. “Ummm, well I’ve eaten your mother’s meatloaf and it does not look or smell anything like that”. Well he does have a point. Okay, so what to do with it? Anthony says, let’s give it to the raccoon.
Okay, the raccoon…..we had a raccoon hanging around our home (we lived out in the country, surronded by woods) and it would try to get into our garbage. And sometimes it would succeed. Raccoons love garbage. So issue solved. We’ll give it to the raccoon. He’ll have a nice meatloaf supper. We won’t but hey at least someone will enjoy it.
We end up having cereal for supper…yum. Later on, once it’s dark, we set the “meatloaf” outside and turn on the yard light so we can watch him come up on the deck and have his meal. We were watching out our livingroom window, lights off as not to scare him away. A few minutes later Mr Raccoon comes up on the step and sees the meatloaf. He comes closer, smells it, puts his little paw in it….and scoops a little bit out and puts it up to his mouth. THEN HE RUNS AWAY. What?????????? OMG. The raccoon runs away? He’s going to leave a meal just lying there? Raccoons EAT GARBAGE for shits sake. So why would he not eat my meatloaf? My husband laughed his ass off. Pretty sad when a garbage eating nocturnal scavenger refuses to eat my meatloaf. Nice. Needless to say, I have never made meatloaf again. Actually, I was forbidden to make it again. EVER.