November 26, 2005
My husband is doing work for a guy we’ll call Myron. I’m sure he’s a nice man. I bet he’s a wonderful provider for his family. I’m not questioning his character. However, I am questioning his “doh factor” and I’m pretty sure it’s high. He called a few weeks ago for my husband…I answered the phone. It went like this:
***Ring Ring Ring***
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Hi?”
“Hi. Is Anthony home?”
“No, I’m sorry he’s out right now. Would you like to leave a message?”
“Ok.”
Big pause. Ummm hello? This is the part where you speak up and LEAVE THE MESSAGE.
“Hello?”
“Yes, I will leave a message.”
“Okay, go ahead, I have a pen.”
“This is Myron.”
“Ok.”
“Ok, so the message is from Myron.”
“Ummm, yes I got that part.”
“Ok.”
Another big pause. What is this guy’s deal? His Happy Meal is definately short a few fries.
“Ok, Myron, what’s your number?” (I figure I’d better help him along….ya.)
“Ok, my number is *****.”
“Great, I’ll tell Anthony that you called.”
“Ok. This is Myron.”
“Yes, I got that.” OMG.
“Ok. Here is the message. Tell him that Myron called.”
“Yes I wrote that down. Got it.” Holy shit, is this guy for real?
“Did you get that written down?”
“Ok Myron, got it all written down.” I wrote down that Betty called….oh wait I wrote MYRON because you told me like 20 times.
“Ok. So tell him that Myron called.”
“Ok Jack I will.” Gawd, someone poke my eyes out.
That was painful. The guy is not normal. Oh joy for me, he called again a couple of days ago. And just my luck hubby wasn’t home. Great. Here it goes:
***Ring Ring Ring***
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Hello?”
“Hi. Oh is Anthony home?”
“No I’m sorry he’s out for the evening. I can take a message if you like.”
“Ok.”
Guess what??? A BIG FREAKIN’ PAUSE HERE.
“Ummm hello” Would you like to leave a message?”
“Ok.”
“Ok. Well I have a notepad and a pencil…I’m all set.” Holy shit, what crack is this guy smoking?
“Ok. I’m going to leave a message.”
“Great. I’m ready.” I’m ready to beat your ass with this phone in my hand.
“Ok. This is Myron.” Super.
“Ok Myron, what’s your number?” I know your number it’s 555-DUMBASS
“Ok. We’re going to go with the message.”
“Ummm sure.” WHAT? Am I on Candid Camera?
“Ok. My number is *****.”
“Great. Got it Myron. I’ll tell hubby that you called and he can give you a call back in the morning since he’ll be out late tonight. Is that ok?”
“Ummm, I’m going to leave a message.”
“Ok, yes, you did, I got your name and number.”
“No. I mean I’m going to leave a message message.”
“Ok?” A message message? Huhn? I’m going to stick my head in the oven and put it on broil because that would be way more fun than trying to get your cryptic messages down on paper without totally losing my mind.
“Ok here is the message. He can come on Monday to finish the back.”
“That it?” Sure you don’t want to tell me your name again? I didn’t quite catch it the first 765 times you told me.
“Yes. Oh tell him the message is from Myron.”
“I sure will.” But first I have to come through the phone and beat your ass and shake the shit out of you because clearly you’re not all there.
“Ok. Bye.”
“Bye.” Please don’t ever call here again Myron. Call my husband’s cell phone because you’ll put me over the edge, for real, if I like ever have to take another phone message from HELL from you.
