Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for December, 2005

December 30, 2005

I’m Dying Here.

Oh my gawd. I’m just about peeing my pink lace panties. K’Fed has his own website now. You know K’Fed right? He’s the ‘I wanna be a rapper just like Eminem but I’m a little too white trash to do that but I am married to a greasy, trashy strip, err, singer named Brit Brit and I gots me my own website’ fake rapper dude. If you click HERE you can see for your own little ‘selves. He’s such a joke (and by that I mean….he makes me HOWL with laughter).

He’s even got his own “My space” site. Paaaaaaaleeeeeese. Isn’t there enough garbage on the internet? Now we have to be bombarded with Kevin and his idiot ramblings about his life with Brit and their rugrats? But for a good laugh, do click HERE for his My space site. You will be in for a treat ’cause K’Fed plays his song called PopoZao. It sure is gonna be a hit. I can see it climbing the charts now. The depth and soul in that small sample sure shines through. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. And you can even instant message with Kevin! Woo fucking Hoo! I be crackalackin’ with Kev Kev and got’s to tell my homies! Spread the shit, ah, I mean news people!

Hmmmm. Wasn’t he a back up dancer once? For his not then wife? Yes. Yes he was. And now he’s gonna release his own album on January 1st at midnight. Set your alarms people and get in line ’cause you sure don’t want to miss out on that. Gosh, I’ll be so excited the night before. Oh wait. No I won’t. I’d rather watch the weather channel and eat rocks than listen to that crap. Elmo’s Christmas album has more substance to it. But good luck Kev Kev with everything yo’….your new “album” (I use that term loosely), your “marriage” (again, using that term loosely), try not to piss mama off ’cause she just might take your car away again…sheesh, mind your p’s and q’s and you’ll be fine Kev. I guess that’s the sacrafices you have to make when you marry a redneck dancing money machine. Awww pooooor baaaaby. Let me see if I care about any of you………wait……….hold on………..ah………….ah…….hmmm……..it’s coming………………give me a sec…………….NOPE. But I must say, you do provide me and my friends with giddy laughter (Yes at your expense, but hey, you can afford it. You’s rich. Oh well, you’re not exactly, but your whore, oopsie, wife is). Hahahahaha.

Okay, so remember people, if you’re down and feeling a tad blue, click on Kev Kev’s 2 links above and I promise, you’ll be laughing your ass off in no time. Glad to be of service. ***Hopefully K’Fed won’t be all up in my grill for doggin’ on him or my baby daddy gonna haf to come and protec’ me and all***

Posted by Sassy @ 4:20 pmUncategorized11 comments  

December 28, 2005

2 Weeks.

I got a call from Sears on Dec 23rd, telling me that a parcel is in for my son. Super. I ask the lady on the other end of the talkbox if it’s at the **** location. She informs me that it’s not. It’s at the downtown location. Well now, that’s a problem because we aren’t downtown and nor will we be downtown anytime soon especially 2 days before Christmas. I ask her if they could send it up to the location near my home…the location it was supposed to be shipped to in the first place. She tells me it can be. Oh my gawd, be still my heart. Perfect.

I asked her how long it would take. A day? Two days? Maybe 3 or 4 since it’s right before Christmas? Nope. Three strikes and you’re out. It’s going to take 2 WEEKS. Two weeks? Ummm that’s 14 days. It takes about 20 minutes to drive from my house to downtown, give or take. And this lady is telling me it would take 2 freakin’ weeks to come from DT to where I am? Wow.

They could put a stamp on it and ship it the slowest possible way and it will still take A DAY to come from downtown. Not 14 days people. They could strap it to Tommy the turtle and put him up a hill with cold molasses smeared on his feet and the fucking turtle could still manage to get it from downtown to here in less than 2 weeks. That’s ridiculous.

I asked her if she was joking. She said no, she wasn’t joking. I said I would pay the shipping from there to here. Oh there was no need for that, but it would still take 2 weeks. How? How is that possible? Are they going to leave it on the shelf for, say, 12 days of fermenting and then ship it out on day 13 and I get it on day 14? Oh no, she tells me, they wouldn’t leave it there, they would get it out the next day for sure but it would still take 14 days. Okay, maybe I’m dense here but how the hell could it possibly take 2 fucking weeks to get from downtown to here if they sent it out tomorrow? I’m not getting it. Are they sending it by horse and buggy? And the horse has no legs and the buggy has no wheels? Help me here. Throw me a bone. Something.

She asks me what I wanted to do, so I ponder this for a moment and then I tell her we’ll send our 5 year old to walk down and get it. Because even though she’d most likely get lost along the way, I know she could eventually get there, get the package and get back home long before 2 weeks is up. Thanks Maddy…..see you in a day or two.

Can I just say……abso-freakin-lutely ridiculous? Two weeks. Ya. Right. Give me a break. Please.

Posted by Sassy @ 10:04 amUncategorized4 comments  

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