Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Stayin’ Alive.

December 14, 2005

Ya. So get the song Stayin’ Alive by the Bee Gees in your brain. Get bobbin’ your head and shoulders….feel the groove….now picture me walking down the street (if you’re not familiar with me, look at my profile and you’ll get an idea of what I look like incase you need to know that inorder to picture me boppin’ down the sidewalk…..anyhoooo), movin’ to the beat of this song.

I’m pushing a stroller with a 40lb kid in it, loaded up with some Xmas presents and I’m feelin’ pretty damn good because Mama’s got some cash in her purse.

Well, now imagine Stayin’ Alive playin’ on a turn table and someone bumps into the record player and the needle scrapes across the record like someone’s nails going down a chalkboard. The fun stops here. And the shit begins. Literally. Dog shit to be precise. Yup. You heard me.

I’m be-boppin’ down the sidewalk like some Disco queen who thinks she’s all that and more and then I feel like I’m slipping. And I am kinda……….in dog crap. Well FUCK ME. And it’s not some little priss ass dog that shits out pellets, it’s a big Golden Retriever.

I see the woman attached to the other end of that dog leash and I want to wrap it around her and not necessarily choke her but perhaps tie her up with it while I beat her with my now, dog shit covered shoe. So my carefree, light, dancing steps are now the rub, wipe, drag and swear steps. And know what the best part is???? The dog didn’t just stop and shit…..no no no, it’s shitting while it’s walking. OMG what kind of dog shits and walks? Dogs multi-task? Really? So far I’m not impressed. I don’t care if that dog can catch frisbees, sit pretty and bake like The Naked Chef……I just stepped in orange-ish/brown-ish mushy dog poo and no matter what you tell me about that dog, I will not care. Not one little bit. And ummm, just because Miss I Have A Multi-Tasking Mutt is pushing a stroller as well as walking her shit puppet, does not mean she can’t stop and clean up the dog’s mess. Unless her limbs have fallen off in the last 2 minutes, she can take the time to bag her mutt’s crap. Oh but maybe I should be happy because, gosh, had I gotten lost, I could have followed the nice little shit trail all the way to my street. Silver lining right? Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Posted by Sassy @ 5:44 pmUncategorized8 comments  

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8 Responses to “Stayin’ Alive.”

    I think I will go hide now.

  2. *stifles laughter with tears in eyes*
    Oh jeez Sassy, so sorry to…*starts to loose it*… hear about the …*snicker*… DAWG SHIT!!!

    -looks to see where Laura’s hiding- seriously though, I would have taken off my shoe and tossed it at her! blech

  3. LOL I could so see that happening….running and hiding

  4. Gawd.. they give the rest of us a bad name.

    I hate it when people don’t pick up after their dogs.. seriously! It’s part of the deal!

  5. This is such a funny story! I loved it! Actually tried imagining the whole scene, and wishing I was at a coffee shop nearby watching it all happen. Priceless story, i must say, hahaha!

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