December 18, 2005
Minus 6 celcius……that’s 21 Fahrenheit…….that’s freakin’ cold. Plus that doesn’t include the windchill factor…..add that in and then it’s motherfucking cold out. And what do most people do when it’s -6? Well they probably don’t eat icecream OUTSIDE while walking home. But alas, that’s just what Maddy and I did the other day.
I had parcels to mail out for Christmas and decided to take Maddy to Burger King. Hmmmm, we ate HOT food inside the WARM establishment and then decided to get icecream for the chilly walk home. Seriously, that’s not very bright. And I guess I can’t blame the 5 year old in this situation. I mean I am the mom. I could have said, well that’s not a great idea since we’re walking and we’ll clearly freeze if we buy (and by ‘we’ I guess I mean ‘I’ since Maddy has no income really except for what change she scoffs from her dad) icecream and eat it outside.
I was in a big rush to get home so I told her I would get the icecream but that we’d have to eat it on the way home. She was totally fine with that. But then again, she’s 5 and the allure of icecream is very powerful so she’s not thinking of just how cold it will be.
So we get the icecream and our spoons and I get her bundled in the stroller. All that is showing is her face and her big puffy, hot pink mittens are holding the cup of cold, sweet love with smashed up Oreo cookies in it……………………………….ooops sorry, I was lost in the memory of that treat. Anyway, so we start on our way and within like 2 minutes we’re both realizing, well, gee, we aren’t the sharpest pencils in the HB box. Since I can’t see Maddy while I’m pushing the stroller, I stop and go around it to get a look at her. Well, she’s looking just a tad frozen. Her face is red from the wind, her lips are a weird shade of purple-y blue and her teeth are chattering. Okay, what mother in their right mind gives their young child fucking icecream to eat while it’s below ZERO on the Celcius scale? Not a very intelligent one apparently. Shit, I’m that mom. Super.
I tell Maddy that I will take her icecream and she can have it when we get home because clearly it ain’t melting anytime soon on the way home. Not unless the hot wind gods come in and blow, which I’m guessing is not happening. Maddy’s head starts kind of flailing around and for a split second I’m thinking she’s having some kind of seizure. I mean she doesn’t normally suffer from seizures, so why would she be having one today? But that’s the freak in me.
I soon realize she’s shaking her head no, and trying to tell me that she wants to finish eating the icecream. So through her pretty, now dark blue lips, she chatters out some words and I’m quite certain I heard, icecream, want, good, not cold and paws off so it’s obviously clear to me that if I take her icecream I will pay dearly when we get home. I tried people. But the heavenly goodness of Oreo’s smushed up in icecream out weighs the desire to get warm and have your lips back to their proper pinkish red color. Oh and by the way, my fingers were slightly frostbitten from holding my own Oreo goodness. Huhn huh. ***clears throat*** Hey, it was Oreo’s smashed up in icecream people….are you listening? Oreo’s in icecream.
