Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for February, 2006

February 26, 2006

Random Crap.  Could Be Boring.  Be Forewarned.

It’s Sunday morning and it’s pretty quiet here so far. My 2 youngest are playing Nintendo in another room, my husband is sleeping, and all 3 teenagers are fast asleep too (well it’s only 11am, Lord knows they wouldn’t be up yet).


I’m bored. I’m listening to music, Theory of a Deadman…love their latest album. I could have seen them in concert on Friday night but noone told me they were in town until yesterday. Gee, thanks. Holy, I’m gonna put myself to sleep with this banter. B-o-r-r-r-r-r-ing.


Hey, did you know a guy meowed at me? I know, I was like, ‘what the fuck?’, too. This happened last summer. I was walking to the grocery store and this guy was sitting out in his backyard. I walked past him and he literally meowed at me. He sounded like a real cat. Now, yes, in my lifetime, I’ve been whistled at, whooped at, hollered at ‘damn, you wanna come over here little lady?’, you know, the usual bullshit guys sometimes do. Anyway, I can safely say, that was the very first time I had ever been meowed at. Loser.


Some dude came to our door yesterday and asked what our phone number is and also wanted to know the brand of vacuum cleaner I used. I kicked him in the balls. I don’t normally kick guys in the ball sac like ever, but hey that’s personal info buddy, get lost, take the hint and go pound sand. I told him I just knew he was a spy. He told me to have a nice day.


I didn’t really kick nosey parker in the balls. Just FYI. But I wanted to.


I really hate showoffs, don’t you? Fuck they’re annoying.


Hey, if you’re still with me, I warned you upfront, that this was random crap and I in no way promised it would be interesting. So get over it.


I saw my old bag neighbor yesterday, giving me the evil eye. If she keeps that shit up, I’m totally gonna steal her fucking knome/troll/monster thing from her little cemetary garden thing she’s got going. Keep it up granny and you’ll never see that ceramic motherfucker again. Oh and her fat, dumb, stoned daughter is pregnant. Terrific.


I watched 2 movies this weekend. How exciting is that? It’s not. It really isn’t. The movies weren’t bad though. Oh BTW, don’t ever rent a movie called ‘The Cave’. It should have been called, ‘What This Shit?’.


My 9 year old thinks God is the weatherman. I guess he’s kinda right. He also told his sister to get over herself.


My teenage boys whip each other with rolled up dishtowels and fight like 2 little girls. It’s quite funny to watch.


Some old guy came to my door last week, peddling his photography, wanting to know if I wanted a family portrait done. He came to my house about 6 months ago and obviously didn’t remember that I told him then, that I do my own photography. He wanted to come in and see my ‘studio’. My ‘studio’ is wherever I make it. And like I’m going to let a stranger come in and walk around my house. As if. He showed me a picture of a retarded looking family (they looked like apes really.) and I said, well that’s nice but I am not paying you or anyone else to do my pics when I can do my own and have been since ’97. He snorted and said, “I bet I’ve never heard of you”. I told him, that, I bet he’s never heard of me either but that I’m way younger than he is, way better looking, have more talent and probably get laid waaaaaaaaaaay more, so sucks to be you buddy. Good luck with your photography. Now scram. Sheesh, some people.


Okay, listen, I’ve got some things to do, like pluck my eyebrows, paint my toenails, have a nap and play online poker. Not in that particular order but you get the idea. I hope you’re all having a much more exciting Sunday than I am and if any solicitors come sniffing around, send them to me.









Posted by Sassy @ 12:53 pmUncategorized12 comments  

February 24, 2006

20 Things.  Figure It Out.

1.People who wear nightgowns to the mall or the grocery store. **How hard is it to put on a pair of pants?**



2.Juice boxes.



3.Snow.



4.Kevin Federline.


5.Famous people who make ‘porn’ movies and then claim they had ‘no idea’ where that came from when it’s leaked to the public and available for download. **Riiiiiiiiiiight**.


6.Paris Hilton.


7.Paris Hilton.


8.Paris Hilton.


9.People who go on a fishing expedition in their noses while sitting in their car at a red light. **Jesus, fuck, WE CAN SEE YOU.**


10.Telemarketers.


11.Young, thin Santa Clauses’ at the mall. **You’re supposed to be old, fat and dumpy.**


12.People who take and touch my cash and THEN go on to prepare my food without washing their hands. **Fuck off and give me back my money**.


13.The Teletubbies.


14.Myron.


15.People who refuse to take a fucking toothbrush to their mouth like ever and then have the nerve to get up close and personal to tell me their life story. **Take a hike**


16.White socks with black dress pants. **Please give Michael Jackson back his look**


17.People who walk their dog with a bag for their dog’s shit AND then leave the bag with the shit in it, on the sidewalk. **Nice, asshole**.


18.My neighbors.


19.Long toenails. **Blech Blech Barf Barf**


20.Feminine hygiene products commercials. **Dumb dumb dumb**

“20 Things” theme from Mama Says Om

Posted by Sassy @ 2:49 pmUncategorized8 comments  






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