Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
My “Crack”.

February 6, 2006

Who needs crack when one has Gravol?

I woke up today, feeling horrible. My stomache was turning upside down and flip flopping more than a two dollar hooker on a busy Saturday night. I was dizzy, the room spinning worse than if I had drank a pint of vodka straight from the bottle.

I popped a couple of Advil since that’s all I had. I’m pretty sure that Advil really isn’t much good for flu symptoms but it was all I could find……until I found my Gravol.

I must make a slight confession though. I didn’t have actual, brand name anti-nausiant medication, it was the ‘I’m po’ and can’t afford true Gravol kinda stuff. But it works just as well I assure you. Oh and just for clarification, it was not the rectal suppositories. My ass is a no entry zone.

I popped a couple of those babies and it was like giving a fat kid a wad of cash and shoving him in a cake shop. I was so happy. They kicked in about an hour later and I was talking to Karen on the phone and I’m pretty sure my words were starting to slur ever so slightly and I was talking like I had a spitty, extra saliva in my mouth, lisp.

Me:I think those pills are scharting to kick in.

Her:Ya think?

Me:Ya I’m pretty schure, I think I’m starting to drool.


Me:I like schoup.

Her:What? What the fuck are you talking about? Soup?

Me:Ya, that’s what I schaid.

Her:You sound drunk.

Me:I am clearly not skunk. I’m just schick.

Her:You’re babbling. Like a freak. Making no sense.

Me:I’m making perfect schense.

Her:Huh hunh.

Me:I think I schould go lay down.

Her:I would tend to agree.

Me:Okay. I’ll talk to your ass later.

Her:My ass will be waiting.

***Insert dial tone here***

I slept on the couch for like 3 hours and when I say slept, I mean I was out. There could have been a bulldozer in my livingroom, digging up my hardwood floors and I would not have known or cared for that matter. I love my no name brand, cheap ass anti-nausia medication. It really does wonders for me. I awoke feeling a bit better but in a bit of a fog. But who cares? I got to have some hot sex dreams in the middle of the day people. Sweet.

***Gravol Caution***
Do not exceed recommended dosage (Whatever). May cause drowsiness (no shit Sherlock), avoid driving a motor vehicle or performing tasks requiring mental alertness (Ah ya think?). Avoid alcoholic beverages (Who the fuck needs booze when taking these schiznat). Do not take if you have: glaucoma, chronic lung disease, difficulty in urination due to enlargement of the prostate gland, or if you are pregnant or breast-feeding unless directed by a physician. Do not take with other antihistamines, tranquillizers or any other sedating drugs without consulting a physician (I’m assuming if I have other tranquillizers, I wouldn’t need this stuff, geez). May cause excitability (Oh I had some wicked awesome dreams), especially in children. Prolonged use should be only on physician’s advice.(Ya ya ya.)

Posted by Sassy @ 7:58 pmUncategorized4 comments  

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4 Responses to “My “Crack”.”

  1. All true. Every fucking word-ish.

    What she fails to mention is she forgot to hang up and she SNORES, people.

  2. I always love at the end of medication commercials when they say “should not be taken by women who are pregnant (pregnant men are OK?) or who may become pregnant.” Which is what, every fertile woman on the planet?

  3. OMG I need to get some of that stuff roflmao!

  4. hahaha I’m reading this at work and my secretary is looking at me like I’ve lost it…. this is to funny… thanks for sharing! ;-)

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