Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
What’s In A Name?

March 13, 2006

I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was 13 and in grade 8. I was somewhere between being popular and a nerd. Leaning more towards nerd.

My grade 8 English teacher, was big, tall, fit and very dreamy. All of the girls were hot for him. He was 30ish and none of us had a chance, but who cared? We were in 13 year old girl love.

It was during our first class that he introduced himself. His name was Mr. Bemrose. Interesting name and of course some of us started giggling. We were conjuring up other versions of his name. He quickly snapped us out of our private joke and warned us that he would not be called Mr. Bentnose, Mr. Bumrose, or any other warped form of his name. Fair enough. He was so hot, we were sure to obey.

However, what happens when your friends dare you to call him something other than Mr. Bemrose? Dare you. And when you’re 13 and teetering on nerd-dome, well it’s so tempting to want to show everyone just how cool you really are. Riiiiiiight. Cool.

So about a month or so after that first day, my friends were at me full force to call him one of the ‘off limits’ nicknames. They assured me that nothing bad would happen. I was short, tiny and cute. Nothing bad ever happens to people fitting that description. The angel sitting on my right shoulder, begged me not to but the devil on my left shoulder was promising me a one way ticket out of nerdville and right into cool city.

After much consideration and obviously losing my freaking mind, I decided I would do it. It was lunch time and my friends and I were waiting in the front entrance of the school, near the ‘breezeway’ as it was called. The breezeway was a long hallway seperating the two wings of the school and when heading east, you were to walk on the right side and heading west was left and the two sides were seperated by a metal railing, much like a guardrail. So we patiently waited because we knew Mr. Bemrose would eventually come from the east wing to the west to go to the teachers lounge.

Terri nudges me as she sees Mr. Bemrose coming. Time to get into place. He’s heading towards the west wing, so I get on the other side and walk towards the east. He’s looking so hot in his tight white pants and black shirt. He’s tall, tanned and very muscular. I’m so nervous now. I can feel my heart racing a mile a minute. We meet about half way and I look up and in a very loud voice, say good afternoon Mr. Bumrose. The once busy, noisy breezeway, stops, dead silent. The other kids in the breezeway are staring, open mouthed at me. They look over at Mr. Bemrose and shudder. All at once I realize, that I’m pretty sure I’m not going to ‘cool city’ but straight to hell. He smiles at me and for a split second I’m thinking, you know this might turn out okay afterall. Ya. Well that was short lived.

Mr. Bemrose, in one swift movement, jumps the railing, scoops me up in his arms and starts carrying me towards the east. Oh gawd. He’s going to murder me and shove me in a garbage bag. My friends are following us, as are a gaggle of other students. Everyone loves a good show right? I’m now begging silently for the earth to open up and swallow me whole because this can’t end well. Might as well die now. The oddest thing though, was through this whole situation, Mr. Bemrose kept a smile on his face. His pearly whites were shining like he was a game show host about to award the best prize ever. It made me really nervous.

My friends are a tad concerned now too. I can see them coming behind us and I’m wondering if they’ll try to rescue me if need be or will they leave me to be massacred. Probably the latter. We get to the girls’ washroom entrance and I’m thinking, oh my gawd, he’s really a woman dressed as a man and he’s going to show me his hoo hoo (I had a vivid imagination even back then). I shuddered, thinking, geez, I have had 13 year old girl fantasies about this man and he’s really a woman. I’m pretty sure I threw up a little in my mouth.

I see the big sink straight ahead in the girls washroom. It was a half moon shape and there was a bar under it for us to step on and that would make the water run out in a big sprinkler type fashion. I’m very puzzled at this point in time. What the hell is he going to do? But alas, within a couple of seconds, it becomes quite apparent. Mr. Bemrose, places me in the sink and steps on the bar. In about 10 seconds, I’m soaked. He leans down and says, “I hope you’ll remember to call me Mr. Bemrose in the future”. He then holds out his hand to help me out of the giant sink. I’m like a soggy cracker in my white pants and pink shirt. He smiles at me and tells me to go to my locker and get my stuff and take the rest of the day off. He’ll sign me out.

I stand there for a moment after he leaves and for a split second, I was considering scratching the eyes out of all 4 of my friends. But that would have just made a mess of my wet, pink shirt, so what’s the point? My friends run over to me and ask if I’m okay and then proceed to tell me how awesome that was. They said the way Mr. Bemrose was carrying me, was just like a romance novel. Ummmm, ya, well, I’m pretty sure in a romance novel, the leading man doesn’t put his gal in a giant sink and turn it on. I’m just sayin’.

I went home after gathering my books from my locker and when my grandmother greeted me at the door, she was puzzled as to why I was home so early and why on earth I was wet. Oh nanny, there was a flood at the school and they sent everyone home. She said, okay and asked me if I wanted some icecream.

The next day, Mr. Bemrose greeted me with a big smile, a flower and I did really well in his class that year. I, however, did not make it to coolville. Like ever.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:07 amUncategorized10 comments  

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10 Responses to “What’s In A Name?”

  1. ah, I remember when I was a thirteen year old girl, tall, skinny and akward…
    Oh, wait, that wasn’t me…

  2. lol..
    that kinda reminds me of the time I was 15 and was crushin on one of our student music teachers.
    We were all at a “grade 10 grad” pool party and I made a comment to him about his hairy chest… on a dare too from my girlfriends. He scooped me up over his shoulder and in terror I realized what was gonna happen *I was goin 4 a swim*
    So I grabbed onto the back of his shorts in this awkward wedgie pose.. we stood there like that for a minute at the edge of the pool. Me over his shoulder, his shorts up his ass, mine up in the air…
    He contemplated how he was gonna still pull this off.. and then dove into the pool, soaking us both in the process.

    Yeah.. that was fun.

  3. he gave you a freakin’ day off school and a FLOWER? maybe he’s secretly turned on by girls who call him Bumrose…

  4. Heh…that’s HAWT! Well, now…when you were 13, notsomuch, huh. LOL

  5. Sooo romantic….. rofl

  6. lol…Now-a-days that would be fodder for a lawsuit.

  7. Then sue him.

  8. Wow, if a teacher ever did that to me, I’d probably die from laughter….

  9. Wow, coming from an 8th grade teacher, I’m sorry but that’s just WEIRD. He sounds like he was a pedaphile or something? I mean, he had to have KNOWN the girls all thought he was hot …

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