March 28, 2006

Well, can I just say I’ve had the week from hell? Yes, yes I have.


It all started on Friday. We went to Walmart so Ryan could buy something with his gift card from my mother. Fabulous. He chose a computer game. A Spongebob game. Can I just tell ya that I’m not liking SpongebobMotherFucker right now?


We get home and my son asks me to install the game for him. No problem. I’ve installed games plenty of times. I put the disk in and it’s on it’s way. It gets to 53% and then stops. My computer freezes up. Not to worry, I’ll just reboot and start again. Except when I reboot, nothing happens, and when I say nothing happens, I mean nothing. Zip. Black screen. So I do the F8 thing and try to reset the registry. Nope. That doesn’t work either. By this time I’ve pulled out about 1,200,564 hairs from my head. For the next few days, I try everything I can possibly think of to fix my computer, except throw it out the window, which I was very close to doing.


Let’s move on to Sunday evening. I start to develop a migraine. Great. Let’s add that to my computer troubles and not to mention the fact, that I’m now also experiencing computer withdrawal. Ever have that happen to you? It ain’t pretty lemme tell ya. One person’s crack is another person’s computer fetish. My crack is my computer. Fo’ shizzle.


I go to bed Sunday night, crossing my fingers, that when I wake up Monday morning, I will be migraine free and my computer will fixed all on it’s own. Ummm, well that didn’t happen. Not a chance. Instead, I woke up with the flu from hell. I also pulled my chest muscles from wretching so violently and it feels like my ribcage was smashed with a baseball bat. Oh and I still have my migraine and my computer is still fucked. Not exactly the scenerio that I was hoping for. Monday’s suck.


I laid around all day Monday, moaning, feverish, delirous and chilled to the bone. My computer didn’t fix itself either. Fucker. I wanted Monday to be over in a big way. Finally at midnight I fell asleep, hoping for a better Tuesday.


And here we are. Tuesday. And guess what? My delirium is over, well for the most part anyway. And I fixed my computer…I had to go to my last resort when I couldn’t get Win98 to repair…I installed WinXP and was devestated because I had lost all of my pictures and graphics and documents. I was all boo hoo-ing and crying in my Cornflakes and shit and then, while searching for something, I found all of my stuff! Can you imagine that? I was just about to have a pity party for myself and then all of a sudden I’m on cloud nine.


So I’m back in business and ready to rock n’ roll. Or whatever. I’m back. I was going crazy not being online and now that I’ve got my crack computer back, I’m in heaven.

March 22, 2006

I should really stay away from the kitchen when it comes to cooking. Sure, I can handle doing dishes. I can manage the microwave without too much incident. However, actual cooking, I need to step away from the stove now.


I bought some beef yesterday, all cut up and ready to use in a stir fry. But I’m thinking, well how tender can that meat be? I mean, the grocery store isn’t going to put out their best beef for a stir fry.


This morning, I’m talking to Karen and ask her what I can soak the beef in to marinade it. She made a couple of suggestions but I didn’t have what she mentioned. I looked through the fridge but with no luck. I then decided to check my spice cupboard and there it was, shining like a bright beacon on a dark, stormy night. It was calling my name and the name of my beef. The meat tenderizer.


Now, I was under the impression that meat tenderizer was odorless and tasteless. Perfect. I had 3 packages of beef to marinade, so I opened the first package, put it in my bowl, and proceeded to coat it with the tenderizer. I did this with the remaining 2 packages. Then, for good measure, I added more tenderizer after all 3 packages were in the bowl. Mixed it up and then added more. Then more. And a bit more. The meat was white with tenderizer. Fucking snow white. Oh my gawd, it was gonna be so damn tender. It would be so tender it would fall apart on your fork. You chefs and anyone with half a fucking brain in the kitchen, know where this is going.


I make my stir fry and serve hubby and Matt and myself. We sit down to eat it and noone says anything about it….until we were done. Anthony looks at me and asks what the hell I did to the meat? Did I go on a salt frenzy? Was there a sale on salt licks, and I put the whole damn thing in the pan? I’m like, no, what do you mean? He asks me if I thought the meat was a bit on the salty side? Wellll, yes it kinda was but I thought, well maybe it’s the meat’s fault. Hubby said it was like gawd awful salty ham. It was beef people, beef. But I had turned it into freakin ham. Soooo, apparently, meat tenderizer is not odorless and tasteless. No, no it is not.


I would recommend anyone using meat tenderizer, not to ‘coat’ your meat until it is ‘snow white’ because that will not make it ‘so tender’, it will ‘melt in your mouth’. Instead it will curl your tongue, give you heartburn and suck any moisture that you may have right out of your body and will most likely clog your arteries and put you at risk of having a salt overload. Ya.

On a sidenote, my BF (that’s best friend not boyfriend) Karen ( I guess her name would give away that she’s not a boy…anyway, I digress) is kind of a bitch, so she decided to post the parts of the story that I didn’t want to disclose for fear of making myself look more like a tard than I already to but since she apparently loves me soooo much, she went ahead and did it for me. Thanks ever so much.