And Kentucky Girl, you are NOT from the South! You are from a BORDER STATE that did NOT secede. Kentucky is the south’s retarded second cousin who always shows up to the reunions without being invited. And smells like horses and yankees.

A) Pronounce “salmon” as SAL-mon. My mother, for instance, despite being corrected 786 times. Also, “li-berry” and “stoled.” You simply adopt the vernacular of your surroundings. It’s not a myth, eh?

B) Eat snails. Just because you canucks are surrounding by the French doesn’t mean that eating mollusks is normal. Because it’s NOT. Also, it’s not normal to be that smelly and surrender all the time, either.

C) Read a book. We’re American, for Christ’s sake. We don’t know our own geography or state capitals. We think it’s better to WATCH stuff than to DO stuff. It’s the American way. U S A!! U S A!!!

Toni Braxton totally fucked up that song. Was she shit faced? High? I dunno but she sooo-hucked!

I thought I was going to SHIT MY PANTS when that wanna be nearly fell out on stage. I hope they can be “best friends”.

Good fucking god. Kellie Pickler has got to be the most ignorant human on the face of the planet. HINT: Rednecks don’t have perfect teeth. They have lobsters, calamari, escargot and all the other things in The South. She is totally a fake. I know ’cause I’m from The South. She’s a total faker and she deserves to serve slushies and hamburgers at Sonic ’til the cay-ows come hoo-oome.