Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for May, 2006

May 24, 2006

I just haaaaave to whine.

This is going to be a whiney ‘poor me’ kinda post, just so you know. I’m feeling hot, sweaty and nausous and that’s not even the half of it.


This story actually starts a year ago. My daughter is in dance. Last year she took a ballet/tap class. She practiced her little heart out all year. In May they have their rehearsal, full costume and makeup. Last year, that went off without a hitch. A little disorganized perhaps but not horrible.


The middle of June rolls around and it’s the day of the big recital. We’ve purchased tickets. Yes….you heard me right……parents must buy tickets to see the show that their children are in. Don’t ask me, I think it’s weird too.


Anyway, the day arrives and after a nap in the afternoon, I get Miss up and ready for her show. Hair is pulled back in a cute bun, makeup on (yes even 4 year olds have to wear makeup since the stage lights wash them out), bodysuit and tutu on. She looks adorable. About an hour before we were to leave, she says she doesn’t feel so hot. She tells me her belly hurts. I’m thinking, well it’s probably just nerves. But she feels warm and her cheeks are flushed. Then she tells me she feels cold. Lovely.


I get the Tylenol out and a cold cloth and wrap her up in a blanket. She cannot be sick. No way. Not the day of the recital. I mean we’ve had 10 months to get sick. Why today???? She tells me she’s feeling a bit better so we head downtown to the concert hall. She’s really looking pale and her lips are super red. A sure sign that my daughter indeed has the flu. Jesus. Kick me now.


Just as we are pulling into a parking space, Miss barfs everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. My then 9 year old, says, “oh that’s just wonderful. And that’s nasty”. Ya, thanks sweetie for the 411. Sigh. I run into the concert hall and find her teacher, give her, her flowers and card from my daughter and tell her that she can’t make the show since she’s out in the van blowing chunks. Sure glad we had to pay for those concert tickets. And the whole year of dance. And the costume. And the makeup. And the photos. And the flowers.


So tonight, we go to daughter’s dance rehearsal. She was looking so sweet in her bun, and bright yellow tutu. Her makeup looked better than mine (I must pat myself on the back for that one). She was feeling good and very excited. Plus tonight, after the rehearsal, the dancers were getting their pictures done. Although I have already done hers myself (you can see them here), I did pay to have a class photo. We get through rehearsals, but of course, my daughter’s class was about 3rd from last. So we sat there for about 2 hours waiting for her to go on. And lucky for us, the theater was hot. Not hot as in hawt but hot as in kick me in the face because I’m burning up kinda hot. You know, the kinda hot that sucks. Unless you’ve been in the arctic and are near frost bite, then perhaps you’d like the hot. But I digress.


Maddy’s class gets through their performance, which was very cute. She’s smiling and doing a wonderful job. They come off the stage and then are lead out to a big room, that’s even hotter than the theater (super.) and there are tons of parents and kids, waiting in line to get their class photos done. My daughter comes over to me and says she’s getting a migraine. The poor kid was just hospitalized last month for a 10 day migraine. I’m thinking, great, just what she needs. One of the moms runs out to her car and brings in some children’s tylenol. I give them to Miss but she’s still feeling like crap and begging me to take her outside for some fresh air.


In the meantime I had called hubby back to tell him to come and get us (he had already once been on his way and I sent him home…doh). We did have a drive with one of the moms but my thinking was, I know my child and when she gets a migraine she throws up. So I didn’t particularly want her vomitting in someone else’s car on our first time with them. Noooo thanks.


We go outside for some air and one of the moms comes out and asks us if we want to come in for the group photo. But Maddy was just too sick. So we declined although I was sad that she missed another opportunity. I swear dance+Maddy=vomit.


My husband shows up a few minutes later and as soon as we buckle her up, I give her a bag because I just know she’s gonna hurl. And yup, within 30 seconds she’s tossing her cookies. But guess what? The bag had a hole in it. That’s right folks. So she got her WHITE bodysuit and her WHITE socks and her tutu. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get chunks out of a tutu made of netting? I should get a freakin’ medal.


We made it home and got her to bed and now she’s sleeping soundly. I, on the other hand, just want to stick my head in the toilet and flush it. So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we can get through recital night in about 3 weeks without another vomit incident.


Thank God Miss wants to take soccer next year instead of dance.


***Sigh*** Thanks for listening to me moan, whine and sulk. I do feel better. Kinda.

Posted by Sassy @ 12:15 amUncategorized5 comments  

May 18, 2006

Meat.

Meat. That’s what you get at a deli. And lots of it. All different kinds of meat. Whatever your little heart desires. My 2 teen boys and my oldest son’s gf all work at the same grocery store. My boys work in the deli but in different sections. My oldest works in the meat department of the deli. He often, as they all do, tell us stories about the people that come into work. This particular story had us laughing.


Customer walks up to the counter and this is the conversation. ***Note, customer was over 55 and dumb.***


Son: Hi can I get you something?


Man: Hi, yes. I want meat.


Son: Okay. What kind of meat would you like?


Man: I dunno. Meat.


Son: Weeeellll, there’s many, many kinds of meat, so can you tell me what you would like?


Man: I dunno. Cut me some meat.


Son: Ummmm, well, I kinda need to know what kind of meat you would like. Listen fucker, name a meat and I ‘ll cut it, or I can wrap your cane around your head. Pick one.


Man: What’s that over there?


Son: Bologna.


Man: Okay. Gimme that.


Son: Sure. How much would you like?


Man: I dunno.


Son: Okay, maybe 100 grams? How ’bout I shove that bologna roll up your ass AND wrap your cane around your head? Hmmm? Hmmmm?


Man: Sure I guess.


Son: Okay sir, anything else?


Man: Yup.


Son: Okay, what else would you like?


Man: More meat.


Son: Right. Which kind of meat would you like? Maybe you’d like a honey ham upside your head along with the cane?


Man: What’s that over there?


Son: Cooked ham.


Man: Ya I want that.


Son: Again, I need to know how much of that you’d like? And would you like it shaved or sliced?


Man: Shaved or sliced?


Son: Yes, shaved or sliced.


Man: What do you mean?


Son: Do you want it sliced or shaved…sliced as in slices, shaved meaning it’s really thin and not in slices. Is this guy for real? He had half his brain removed right? I’m on Candid Camera right? Dude I’m bein’ Punk’d right?


Man: Gimme sliced.


Son: Great, how much?


Man: Three slices.


Son: Three slices? Ooooo goin’ all out. Three fucking slices of cooked ham. Big spender.


Man: Oh wait…how much is that 3 slices gonna cost?


Son: Give me one second and I’ll tell you. Okay it’ll be $1.19.


Man: Oh geez I don’t want to pay that much. Take a slice off.


Son: Ooookay. It’s now .72 cents. Wanna take out a loan for that?


Man: Yup I go with that. Don’t wanna go overboard. That’s good.


Son: Super. Hope you don’t choke on all that meat you bought sir.


I love that my kids have the same sarcastic type of humor as me. Love it.


Posted by Sassy @ 7:27 pmUncategorized10 comments  






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