Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Tea anyone?

June 1, 2006

I am going to a “tea” in about 20 mins at my daughter’s school. It’s to show appreciation for all the moms and dads that volunteer. I, however, don’t drink tea. What do I do? Sit there like a moron pretending to drink the tea? Take a sip and then say that my cankersores are back and that I can’t possibly continue drinking it and politely smile? Fake a gallbladder attack? Is there such a thing? Hope I spontaneously combust into flames? And no I can’t drink the coffee they may offer as a substitute. I don’t like coffee.

Geez, what is wrong with me? I don’t drink alcohol, smoke, do drugs, drink coffee or tea, burp, emit ass noises or eat snot. I must be defective. I suck at cooking too. I have fooked up homemade macaroni and cheese, meatloaf, cookies (but I did finally master those last year, yay me), some chicken recipe I got off of the Regis and KathyLee show way back when. It called for 1/2 teaspoon of curry powder and I put in a 1/2 cup instead. The dish was supposed to be cream colored and it instead was bright, dayglow, nuclear waste orange. Needless to say I was forbidden from ever making it again. Okay, I’m not sure how this turned into me being a bad cook kinda post, but that’s they way we’re heading mmmmmkay?

I have attempted elaborate, cookbook recipes which ended up blowing big time. Whenever I, on a rare ocsassion, pull out a cookbook, my family laughs hysterically and then they cower in fear. What in hell is she going to try now? Please God, punch her in the face so she’ll never be able to read a cookbook again. That’s what they chant until I put the book away and step away from the stove.

I’m not sure where my ineptness for cooking comes from. My mother is a pretty good cook. My sister seems to have mastered it. I think even my dad can fend for himself. My brother eats out alot (so that’s another post). My mom’s mother was always baking and cooking. I remember watching her with fasination and eating raw cookie dough on numerous occassions. But somewhere along the line, the cooking part of my brain, said, ah fuck it. I really do not like preparing meals. Luckily we do alot of barbequing, so I basically have to come up with a sidedish or two. I did try to barbeque once. I put the steak on and it ended up all black and rubbery on the outside and mushy and bloody on the inside. Wasn’t very good. No shit Sherlock.

Okay, I suppose I should go get ready for the big tea. Hopefully they’ll have water for us weirdos that don’t do tea or coffee. Wish me luck, wah.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:22 amUncategorized5 comments  

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5 Responses to “Tea anyone?”

  1. I’m not TOO bad when it comes to cooking. As long as there’s less than 10 ingredients and it takes less then 10 minutes to prepare, I’m all for it!

  2. wow …after all my years blogging I finally find another Calgarian …weird …great site and you photography is very good.

    Loved your Mysterious HNT

  3. I was supposed to go to the housewife mofia tea today but I didn’t feel like sittin thru the D.H. wannabes askin me 50 questions because I’m the oddity (aka token single mom “friend”)
    Sometimes I hate that my kiddos go to such an upity school but othertimes its totally cool.

  4. Thank GOd I’m staying at Penny’s in August, that’s all that I can say! ROFL!

  5. It’s amazing how you go from not liking tea to not being able to cook. Here’s what you do, when someone offers you tea just say “no”. That’s what I tell my girls…

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