Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
I lost it somewhere……….

June 20, 2006

…….my brain that is. I’m not sure where or when but I know it’s going down a slippery slope and probably won’t make it back up.

I bought a teepee hammock yesterday (I’m scratching out teepee but that’s what I’ve been calling it……and I don’t know why). It came with pretty simple instructions (I guess) on how to put it together. I’m told it should have taken me about 20 mins to complete. It didn’t. I started it around 2pm and finished around 10pm. Now mind you, I did take time out to eat lunch and supper and play on the computer here and there, oh and clean and stuff, ya. But still, it was waaaay longer than 20 mins to finish. And when I say finish, I mean uncompleted until my husband came out on the deck at 10pm to help me.

I managed to get the frame completed in about an hour. Apparently that part should have taken about 10 mins to finish. So basically I’m dumber than a frozen turd from a monkey’s ass. I did get the frame part, that screws into the base for the canopy completed as well, which by my standards is like performing brain surgery for a well seasoned physician.

Flash forward to later on in the evening. The mostly completed hammock is sitting on my deck and I decided I was going to put the mattress part on just to see how it comfy it was. So I go to hook it onto the frame and holy shitfuckers, the bed part is too short! Great. I holler to my son and his gf and tell them my dilemma. I’m going on and on and on and on about how I’m going to have to take it all apart and then drag it back to the store and exchange it for one that isn’t defective. And how stupid the manufacturers are because of how they designed this stupid hammock. Blah blah blah. My husband arrives home and comes out on the deck and surveys the situation for about 3.5 seconds. He asks me if I’m forgetting anything? No. Well I think no. You’re sure, he asks. Ya I’m sure. Geez, I’m not retarded. How can they give you like a 6 foot long frame and the mattress is like 4.5 feet and they expect it to fit from end to end on the frame? Now that’s retarded.

My husband is staring at me. I think maybe I was leaking. Leaking brain fluid or something. I’m staring back, like what is your deal buddy? Then it dawns on me. There are 4 chains in the box. Chains that go on the frame and then hook on the mattress to make said mattress ‘dangly’ as most hammocks are set up to do. Be all dangly and shit.

So listen, here’s the deal, if you want a personal shopper, I’m your gal. If you want a handyman kinda gal, well you’re shit outta luck. Below are pictures of said hammock. And a close up of the chains that someone (not mentioning any names) forgot to put on and wondered how the hammock makers could be so fucking dense as to make the mattress way too short to even work. *Blink Blink* *Blink*

***Edit***Blogger won’t let me post any pictures, so I will try later. ***Pulling hair out now***

Posted by Sassy @ 11:34 amUncategorized10 comments  

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10 Responses to “I lost it somewhere……….”

  1. LMAO … *hugs* to you … I can so relate!!! :)
    I can do most things with the best of them but I cannot assemble or set up anything electronic.

    My brain doesn’t work that way

  2. Frozen turd out of a monkey’s ass? And you wonder why you get weird Googles searches. Gah!

    You are truly a piece of work Babe!!!

  4. LMAO!! You are to funny Sassy! Not sure what I would have done. Glad you didn’t take it back. Hope you get to rest in it!

  5. Thats so funny!!! And so like me!
    I can’t usually start a building project, but have to ask hubby to finish…..


  6. uhhh..correct that comment…

    I can start a project…geez..I can’t even type…4 years old has sucked all the brain cells out of me today!


  7. …I think I saw your brain around here somewhere…it was lying next to yesterday…
    Anyhow, someone on another blog lost yesterday so I’m helping look for it so I’ll keep an eye out for your brains. I’ll let you know if I find anything…

  8. oh wow…yeah, I’m definitely going to need pics to figure out this one…. lol

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