Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
No.  Say it isn’t so.  Dun Dun Daaaaaaaaa.

June 30, 2006

I must make a confession.


I’m not really a girl. Naaaaaaaa, I’m just yankin’ yer chain. Had you worried didn’t I? Actually, my confession is………..I watch the Bold & Beautiful. I can’t help it. I’ve been hooked on it for over 20 years now and I can’t pull myself away from the Soap Opera crack.


I do, however, have enough brain power to realize, that soaps are really fucking kinda far fetched (like people really make out with tongues when they first wake up BEFORE brushing their teeth…blech). And really, people don’t talk to themselves that much. And it’s really quite humerous, how everything is a mind blowing event. The music…….you know…….the big, booming ‘dun dun daaaa’ whenever something horrible/frightening/weird/omg I figured it out/I’m having an alien’s baby, happens.


I’ve decided to change a conversation with my husband to a soap conversation, and have changed our names to protect the innocent. Huh? Don’t ask, just read:


Stone: *Walks in with a strut in his step* What’s for supper Lily?


Lily: Oh Stone, you’re home!!!!! I don’t know what’s for supper. What do you want for supper Stone? You make my heart melt like cheese in a grilled sandwich Stone. *Wraps arms tightly around Stone, while humping his leg and looking into the camera, blinking, licking lips*


Stone: Lily, I want to have a steak. Can you do that for me Lily? Can you? I’m begging you with every fiber of my being Lily. *Stone raises one eyebrow and squints slightly, thoughtful*


Lily: Stone, you know I would do anything for you. I will make you a steak. I have to tell you, that I think the baby I’m having, belongs to Ridge. Do you want steak seasoning? DUN DUN DAAAAA. *Looks down and raises eyes up slowly to give her husband, a baby face/feel sorry for me kinda look*


Stone: What??? Steak seasoning? No, never! DUN DUN DAAAAA. The baby you’re carrying is Ridge’s? He’s my brother’s uncle’s sister’s twin baby brother’s cousin’s grandfather’s half sibling. How could you Lily? How could you just blurt out seasoning like that? *Looks perplexed, or could be that he’s constipated*


Lily: I’m sorry Stone. I should have never offered to put seasoning on your steak. Can you forgive me? Do you want to help me raise this baby even if it’s not yours? Stone! Stone! Stone! I love you. More than a fat kid love cake. Please, I’m begging you, don’t leave me. Do you want salad with your steak? *Looks sad, puts head down, twistes hair around her finger, makes lips pouty*


Stone: I don’t know. That is a really hard decision. I will need time to think about it. Salad with steak, is not something you just commit to without first pondering what all is involved. And yes, I will help you raise this baby even if it turns out to be Ridge’s. *Stone raises his other eyebrow since the other one is kinda sore from being raised for so long*


Lily: Oh Stone, my heart is a flutter, knowing that you’ll at least think about having salad with your steak. That gives me such hope Stone. DUN DUN DAAAAA. And thanks alot for raising this baby with me. I will await your decision about the salad with baited breath. *Looks adoringly at Stone while placing the steaks on the grill*


Stone: Lily, I must confess. I had salad with Felicia the other night. And she seasoned my steak. DUN DUN DAAAAA. *Stone squints his eyes again, placing his hands in his pockets*


Lily: Oh my God! Salad? And steak? With Felicia? DUN DUN DAAAAA. *Lily throws herself on the floor of the deck, sobbing*


Stone: She means nothing to me! Her steak was tough and her salad was limp. It’s you I love. You and your creamy salad dressing. Oh and the baby. *Stone reaches down for Lily, picking up, her seemingly lifeless body*


Stone: Oh Lord, are you dead Lily? *Lily’s body is limp, her eyes closed*


Stone: *Gently places Lily back on the floor* Oh well, that bizatch will come back to life in the next couple of weeks. I’m gonna eat out. *Lights dim, Stone turns to look at camera, smiles*


Posted by Sassy @ 3:47 pmUncategorized6 comments  

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6 Responses to “No. Say it isn’t so. Dun Dun Daaaaaaaaa.”

  1. LOL … This should be a weekly series .. we’ll all be hooked and not have to watch Soap operas.

    Whatever will become of Lily and Stone? Will the baby grow to marry her (not real) father’s brother’s aunt’s neighbor’s cousin?

  2. How did you know that me and Mr. Kentucky talk that way all the time. Except when I’ve been kidnapped and replaced by my twin sister….oh and when I’ve been brainwashed. heeeeeeeeh

  3. pmsl… I might have to try that with MrsB. She’s about to start cooking dinner… :)

  4. I agree – I see a weekly series blossoming here…go for it hunny!

    “If you don’t, I may never read you again.” *places back of hand to forehead… “I would not be able to go on…”

    Dun dun daaaa……

  5. Ha ha – you called Anthony “Stone.” As in Rock. Hard.

    Or, dumb as a rock. ROFL!

  6. Keep up the good work
    »





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