Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Help. Me. Please.

July 3, 2006

It’s only about a week into summer vacation and already I want to poke forks in my eyes. Is it September yet?


How many times will I hear, I’m bored? I want to go to the park. I want something to eat. I’m bored. I can’t do it. I want a drink. Can I have another drink? Can you tie my shoe? Will you play Barbies with me again? Wanna play pretend house? I’m bored. Can we go to the park again? Can we? Huh can we?


As I type this, dribble is pooling in the corner of my mouth and I can feel a ‘rock on the couch in a trance’ episode coming on. I can’t remember what day it is or the date and time goes by slowly some days. I truly love spending time with my kids, don’t get me wrong. But every few days, I need some adult interaction. Some peace and quiet. Just an hour of alone time. So far, I’ve not gotten it. None. Zip. Zero. Where’s my booze chocolate?


Tomorrow starts the 2 weeks of Miss Thang’s swim lessons. When I signed her up, I’m thinking, let’s do it early so we have the rest of the day to do whatever. I realize now, that I was a huge moron in doing that, because we have to get up and out the door by 8:30 am. If it was just me involved, no problem. But I’ve got to get the 2 youngest monsters up, fed and watered, dressed and out the door by the crack of dawn. Okay, so 8:30 isn’t exactly the crack of dawn but in the summer, it’s damn close. Yes, I realize I only have myself to blame for this. Someone knock me upside the noggin’ please.


In other non related news, I got a call from my credit card company the other day. I thought they were going to try to tell me I hadn’t made my payment, which I certainly did and I was ready for a phone fight. Bring it bizatch. But, to my disappointment, they were calling to tell me I could prepurchase gift cards and save 20%.


Me: Ummm, well I’m just not interested.


Lady: But you will save 20% on the purchase of the gift cards. So let’s say you spent $100, then it would only cost you $80.


Me: Yes, I can add. Or subtract. Or divide. Or whatever math term we’re performing here, but honestly, I’m just not interested.


Lady: You probably shop at some of these stores (she goes on to list a few).


Me: Yes I do shop at most of those stores but I don’t want to prepurchase gift cards. I mean, I don’t know what or who I’m buying for at this time, so really, investing in gift cards for God knows who, is silly to me.


Lady: You save 20%.


Me: Ya, I know. You’ve only said it 3000 times. I get it. Honestly, just shut your cakehole already.


Lady: It’s really a good deal.


Me: I’m not buying anything for anyone this year. I’m on strike.


Lady: Pardon?


Me: I’m not interested. At all. Not even a tiny bit.


Lady: Okay, well thank you for your time and if you change your mind, feel free to give us a call.


Me: Right-o.


Geez. Why can’t they take no for an answer? It reminds me of the conversation I had about 3 weeks ago with some organization (can’t remember what it was as I was basically zoning the guy out) but they wanted me to donate money. Now mind you, I’m sure it’s a worthy cause but when you just don’t have the money, I don’t want someone asking me to hand some out. When I have it, I’ll donate it to the charity of my choice people.


Me: Hello?


Guy: Hi, I’m from the Donate to the Starving Sasquatch Foundation and I’m wondering if I can have a few minutes of your time?


Me: I’m not interested, thank you.


Guy: Well I just need a moment. You could really help us out (they don’t even take a breath while spewing all this either) by donating just $50. It’s really a wonderful cause.


Me: I’m sure it is. I don’t have $50.


Guy: Well we do have smaller donations of $40 or $ 30 or $25. Even one of those amounts could really help.


Me: Ya, see the thing is, I don’t have it. If I could pull money out of my ass, I’d get a few bills for you buddy, but since I can’t, then forget it.


Guy: As luck would have it, we do even take donations of $15 and $10. Even though they are on the small end, we appreciate any amount you can give us.


Me: How about you give me money to help support my 4 children? Really, any amount is acceptable.


Guy: We do even have $5 donatons. Doesn’t even acknowledge what I’ve just said to him. No fun at all.


Me: Okay, I’m going to give you a donation. Of $0.00. That’s all I can really afford at this time. Do you take a cheque? *Blink Blink Blink*


Guy: Thanks for your time.


Yes, thanks for wasting my time buddy. Geez, you didn’t even respond to my witty conversation skills. Jerk.


Well I must go wipe the drool that’s pooled on my keyboard as I’ve been typing this and gotta go dig out my straight jacket and matching shoes. It’s been a slice. I’ll keep you updated. Peace out from the nuthouse.

Posted by Sassy @ 9:48 pmUncategorized7 comments  

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7 Responses to “Help. Me. Please.”

  1. Oh hunny .. I am feeling your pain. Just think … I did that for a living for 15 years .. LOL, no wonder I have no tolerance for stupid people!
    Just remember, the bathroom door locks .. chocolate is therapy, and it is ok to slip a shot of rum into your coke at 11:30am :)

    Hang in there!!

  2. Tell you what hun.
    I’m feeling generous today.
    I’ll take your 2 lil monsters if you take my youngest turn demonspawn mkay?
    I’m just asking for a week is all.
    See, she’s upstairs at the moment screaming at me that she doesn’t have any underwear, when in fact she has a whole drawer full– and she was asked to put on her bathing suit, which is layed out for her on her bed. Along with her clothes for the day. Which she cannot find. Now she’s thrown her naked arse down by my feet and telling me she just cannot do it. I just love summer vacay!
    **insert stick in eye now. repeat jabbing motion**

  3. I’m feelin’ your pain about the summer…and the donation calls. Seriously – how much money have I given away on the phone. Uh, NONE. Can’t afford it.

  4. What I’m wondering is…can we donate children to charity instead of the other way around? Just one would help.
    We don’t want your money
    Just a little of your time
    A few hours each week and you can help insure the sanity of some lucky parent.
    Anything is apreciated.
    Gypsies and traveling circuses are welcome to apply.

  5. telemarketers are the worst! I could never do that job – I’d hate myself…lol

    getting rid of our home phone and using nothing but cell phones was the best thing we ever did….no more harassing phone calls!

  6. I usually screen my calls, but if a telemarketer gets through, I say I’m not interested and immediately hang up. I never give them a chance to continue the conversation.

    They may think I’m rude, but I don’t call people at home trying to sell them crap they don’t want.

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