Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Why?  Because I’m insane.

July 5, 2006

Why do I take my children to the grocery store with me? *Silence…crickets chirping*. I dunno either. I was hoping someone out there could possibly tell me why I torture myself (and others).

We’re walking around, not particularly there for anything specific, just to kill some time. No, how ’bout you kill me? Mmmkay?

My 10 year old picks up a candle/tart burner type thing. Oh they’re so lovely! Lots of different colors, such a pretty rainbow of glass. Ya glass. Glass, as in breakable. I’m so mesmerized by all that said glass, that I didn’t notice my son and how he was actually handling these tart thingies.

He handled them so well, that he dropped one and broke it. Wonderful Sir-Clutz-Alot. Quick pick it up and put in back on the shelf and shove it behind the others. Was that wrong? *Blink Blink Blink* Okay, let’s move on to a different section of the store. Hopefully we weren’t being filmed by the security cameras.

We decided to walk over to cosmetics because I want to see if I can find some lipgloss. As I’m slightly distracted by the shiny lip products, Trouble One and Trouble Two go around the corner. What’s around the corner? Birthday party supplies. Oh and what kind of birthday party supplies? Hmmm, well things like streamers. You know, streamers……basically long pieces of tissue paper. Long. Ah huh. So after choosing a wonderful shade of dark pink gloss, I turn around to see lots more cosmetics but no sign of my offspring.

I take the cart and walk around the corner. Wow, there’s a celebration going on in the aisle because there are pink and blue streamers wrapped around items hanging on the shelves, streamers littering the floor and there stands my 2 children, holding some of those streamers. They quickly drop them and run over to see what I’ve put in the cart. She won’t notice anything. Let’s distract her with our compliments on the wonderful color she’s chosen for her lipgloss. Ummm what have you done? What mom? What do you mean? Nothing. Nothing? It looks like a block party gone wild in aisle 32 and all you can say is ‘nothing’? I instruct them to quickly pick up the streamers and put them back on the shelf. Noone is going to notice that mess. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

I decided then and there, that clearly I’m insane and I’ve given birth to demon spawns albeit with adorable faces. We practically run to the check out and I pay for my lipgloss and silently pray that we won’t be arrested later for grocery store aisle vandalism. It’s September 4th right? Tomorrow is the fifth right? My kids start school tomorrow right? Right? *Rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth…………….*

Posted by Sassy @ 7:10 pmUncategorized3 comments  

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3 Responses to “Why? Because I’m insane.”

  1. OMG Hunny … I am laughing so hard I am crying … I can sympathize .. I can relate … I am so glad it is not me!!!

    don’t worry .. Sept is right around the corner!!

  2. I am smiling. Been there. Done that.

  3. As a former grocery store stock clerk, i would just like to thank you…for waiting until I no longer had that job before you spawned;) This is what I do, I get a shopping cart and make my children stand right next to it, then I get a couple of belts and put them around the kids and weave them thru the holes on the cart and slightly lift the little buggers so their feet are just off of the floor (so they can’t get traction) and wrench the belts almost to the point where they can’t breath (so they can’t make too much noise. If they are good I will let their hands free so they can keep themseolves occupied hitting each other.

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