Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
I’m flat flat flat……..

August 26, 2006

……well not me per say but my hair. Okay, not so much flat as straight. I was finally able to purchase my Chi flat iron on Thursday and I’m in love. In love with my iron, my hair, myself. It’s all about me today and my long, straight hair. If you click my profile pic, that’s what my hair looks like straight. And I’m demanding that you click it because as I just mentioned, it’s all about me. *Insert big toothy grin*

I do have to say, since we’re talking about me today, that I am fairly intelligent. Sure, I have my ‘Jessica Simpson’ moments, as my teens so lovingly tell me, but overall, I’m decent in the brain area. As I was looking over the instructions for my flat iron, it occurred to me that the person/persons responsible for writing them, must have decided that they would include things, that if by chance, a retarded monkey bought the iron, they’d know what to do or not do.

And what do I mean? Well, for instance, they instruct me not to put the hot flat iron on my skin or in my eyes. Gosh, now that just ruins my Saturday night plans. Asswipes. I so wanted to give myself third degree burns and maybe even pop my eyeballs out with the hot iron. So much for that.

It also states, that I shouldn’t give it to my child when it’s heated up to 5000 degrees. No? Really? That seems a bit excessive. I mean come on, if my young child wants to hold mommy’s scalding hot, give you 200 degree burns flat iron, they should be allowed. I say go for it.

I should also not use it while sleeping. That’s a typo right? Honey, don’t mind my flat iron in between us in the bed, but I was going to get into a deep, relaxing sleep and then flat iron my hair so I won’t have to do it when I’m vertical and alert in the morning. Saves time really.

It says I can’t use it outdoors. Damn it to hell. I wanted to take it hiking in the mountains with me and you know, plug it into a grizzly bear’s ass and straighten my hair. My whole weekend is ruined now!

I’m also not allowed to use it while bathing. Again, planned on saving time, but pffftttt, they’ve put a damper on that scenerio too.

I guess folks, I’ll just have to use it while awake, not in water or in the woods and be sure not to burn my children or the elderly with it. Bummer. But the bright spot is, I have silky straight hair, something I’ve wanted for a very long time. Right now, as I type this, I’m flipping my fabulous hair all around. Remember, it’s all about me today. That should be your Saturday motto.

PS…I just noticed, that you could buy a pink one! How lovely is that? And proceeds go to Breast Cancer research. I totally would have bought a pink one if it were available to me. *Wink*

Posted by Sassy @ 2:21 pmUncategorized9 comments  

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9 Responses to “I’m flat flat flat……..”

  1. What’s really frightening is some numb skull somewhere has very obviously decided to make it a sleep companion or some retarded lawyer wouldn’t have made them put those disclaimer’s on the product.

    Have you ever read the instructions on a Kellog’s pop tart box?

    just saying….


  2. Oh apparently more brain cells have evaporated on my run….they are DIRECTIONS not INSTRUCTIONS:

    For your reading pleasure :0)

    While Kellogg’s Pop-Tarts are fully baked and ready-to-eat right from the pouch, if you prefer them warmed, please follow these instructions: Toasting appliance and microwave capabilities differ by manufacturer. Follow the manufacturer’s guidelines for safe use. Be sure your appliance is clean and functioning correctly. Children should always be closely supervised when operating toasting appliances and microwaves. No refrigeration needed. Pop-Tarts Toasting Instructions: 1. Remove pastry from pouch. 2. Warm pastry in toasting appliance at Lowest or Lightest heat setting for one heating cycle only. 3. Cool briefly before carefully removing pastry from toasting appliance. Pop-Tarts Microwave Instructions: 1. Remove pastry from pouch. Place pastry on a microwave-safe plate. 2. Microwave on High setting for 3 seconds. 3. Cool briefly before handling.

  3. Your hair looks awesome. I can truly say that with some authority not because I too just got my hair did, but because we in the hot, muggy south have loads of trouble keeping the frizzies/fly-aways down. After 20 years of experience in this dept., I’d say the Chi wins. Now, maybe I’ll go get the pink one and have someone photograph me using it just to make you jealous!

  4. Wow. Thanks for posting those warnings! I might have hurt myself if I didn’t read them. Whew. You totally saved me.

    Haah! :D

  5. What? You can’t use it while sleeping in a bath outdoors? What the hell kind of product is that? You see, this is why I shave…

  6. isn’t your hair naturally straight? I’m soooo con-fuz-zed!

  7. Oh no Miss Ann, my hair is wirey, curly and never been straight. In the past, I would spend 2 hours blow drying it with my fingers and a brush to get it “kinda” straight but underneath, it would still be that curly mess (not that curls are bad and sometimes I like having curly hair) so now, I get poker straight hair any freakin’ time I want. Life is good.
    Hey Ozy, I know, freaks. I so wanted to bathe in the woods and fall asleep and then plug in my flat iron into the nearest tree and go from there. “They” ruin everything.

  8. Sassy’s kinky like me and it takes a hot Iron to turn her straight.. I mean, her hair straight, I mean…
    oh shit, like the hair girl ;)

  9. Sassy said…

    Oh no Miss Ann, my hair is wirey, curly and never been straight. In the past, I would spend 2 hours blow drying it with my fingers and a brush to get it “kinda” straight but underneath, it would still be that curly mess

    Well there’s where you went wrong in the past – you should have blow dried it with a blow dryer instead of “with (your) fingers and a brush.”

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