Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Shop ’til you drop.  Or barf.  Whichever.

September 2, 2006

I took 3 of my kids shopping last night and it’s really interesting who you see at the mall (or what happens at the mall too). I didn’t see a single person I knew personally, being in a city of a million (officially!) people, you don’t usually just bump into someone you know but I sure did see some ‘characters’.

I actually drove myself to a mall that I’d never been to before and to my surprise, I didn’t get us lost and have to be one of those dopes driving around really slow, looking for signs, holding up traffic and all that shit.

We get to the mall, and my son and his gf, leave to go off on their own. That left Matt and Maddy with me. Matt soon blew us girls off to go venture out on his quest for a new something or other.

I took Maddy to a store so she could browse the toy section. My favorite part. While I’m standing there, waiting for the princess to pick out something pink and girlie, I see a couple coming down the isle. I’m guessing they were about late 20′s or so and they seemed really in love. And by really in love, I mean they were practically ripping out each other’s tonsils with their tongues. Say it with me now people: Classy.

As my young daughter is engrossed in her doll search, the ‘lovebirds’, continue to slowly walk down the isle while giving each other cpr. Hello? Get a freakin’ room already.

I distract Maddy while the saliva twins walk by us so my 6 year old doesn’t get an impromptu sex ed lesson in the department store while shopping for a toy. Honestly, what is wrong with people? They were practically dry humping in the Barbie section. Ummmm ewww.

My daughter picks out a doll and then tells me she’s tired and wishes she could go to bed. Huh? What kid under 21 says they’re tired? I ask her what’s wrong? She tells me that she feels a migraine coming on. Oh no. I had no medication with me so we quickly booted it over to the pharmacy and grabbed some Tylenol and I get it into her within a minute of paying for it. We sit on the bench and just as we do, Matt shows up. He’s bought himself some new shoes and starts to lace them up but as he’s doing that, I notice Maddy has turned kinda green. Green, as in, I’m gonna barf green. I dump the purchases out of the bag and hand it to her and quietly instruct her to try to puke in it as opposed to the passerby’s or the potted plants surronding the bench. However, there were a couple of people that walked by, that if by chance, my child threw up on them, I wouldn’t mind so much. Example: The 2 ‘ladies‘ that walked by, who for all I knew, were actually cheap, filthy whores librarians by the look of their ‘outfits’. I say ‘outfits’ loosely because quite frankly, there’s more material on the doll my daughter bought. When I can see what you’ve had for supper, then you’re not wearing enough clothes.

I tell Matt to pack up his new shoes and that we have to blow this popsicle stand before his sister blows chunks everywhere. Now there’s a visual. We make our way back to the store we came in through and hustle as quickly as we can to the truck. By then Maddy is white, yawning and quiet. A sure sign she’s gonna lose it. I place the department store bag in her lap, which is now her own personal ‘I’m gonna toss my cookies’ bag and buckle her in.

We get home with no puke in the truck! Can’t ask for more than that when you go out shopping. Right on. Anyway, I’m off again today to try to finish up the school shopping as my kids go back on Tuesday. Did ya hear me? On Tuesday! I’ll be alone. Alone. Oh the trouble I’ll get into work I’ll get done. Can’t wait!

Posted by Sassy @ 3:39 pmUncategorized4 comments  

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4 Responses to “Shop ’til you drop. Or barf. Whichever.”

  1. Awww porr Maddy! Tell her I hope she’s feeling better now.

    Ahhh Tuesday……you just put a big shit-eatin’ grin on my face, dude.

    We’re off to watch movies, dah-ling!
    Love Karen

  2. Whst is with the tonsil hocky lately? My daughter said she could hardly get in her car the other day at Wal-Mart cause this couple was leaning on the their car making out to beat the band, all while some other chick was sitting in the car, her mom I would guess…..geezz I was young once too but never did we do more than catch a quick kiss in public.

  3. sooo… you’re sayin making out in Walmart is a bad thing?

    *mental note to self*

    So glad there was no cookie tossin at the mall. Nothing warms the heart faster than a lil vomit.
    send maddie some lovin’
    oh wait—> I can do that myself in like 3 days!!! Wooohooo!!

  4. Aww hope shes feeling better!

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