Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
I won’t do it.  You can’t make me.

September 20, 2006

I was watching a ‘fashion’ type show the other day. At first it was kinda interesting and then I thought I had fallen asleep and was having a really bad nightmare. Really bad.

The lady hosting the show was telling us…….ready? Telling us, that 80′s fashions are coming back. Eighties. The 80′s. I damn near died.

I had fun in the 80′s, don’t get me wrong. I attended junior high and high school. Ended up with a kid. Or two. Got married. Twice. However, although I had no choice at the time but to wear 80′s fashions, I can tell you now, with all of my heart, I will not go back to leggings, big ass hair, parachute pants and shoulder pads. No way in hell.

The show was featuring models and they were wearing leggings. LEGGINGS. I’m sorry but leggings are one of the worst fashions ever created. They do not flatter anyone. Not a soul. If you’re skinny, then they make your legs look like broomsticks. Not sexy. If you’re too fat, then, well you look fatter. Ummm, no offense, but not sexy. But everywhere I look, I see they are the ‘must have’ for the fall season. Well, I’m just going to go naked then. I’m not wearing them ever ever again. I remember having a legging outfit (God help me for even admitting this) when I was pregnant with Ryan and that was back in ’95. The mere fact that they were still around years after we escaped from the 80′s is baffling. I must have been on drugs or I had a brain eating disease and wasn’t aware.

It was a red outfit, and although it was super comfy especially when one is with child, it was fugly now that I look back. I, thankfully, have no pictures of myself with this attire on and for that I’m very grateful. It makes me shudder to think I owned leggings. I pray my Fashion God will forgive me. I repent. It’s almost as bad as owning sweatpants. I don’t look down on anyone who owns or wears sweatpants but I’m not compatible with sweat clothes. I don’t want to sweat. In my clothes. Ever. And I try to avoid that when I eat brownies all day long work out like a freak. It’s just my personality is all I’m sayin’.

Ugly 80′s blouses are back too. *Insert fake happy clapping here* Again, they are a ‘must have’ piece to add to your wardrobe. I’m sorry but I will not be wearing ‘puffy’ shirts or anything with gigantuous ruffles running down the front with big stupid assclown pleats. Nope. Not doing it. If that makes me old and out of style, well so be it. I just down care. Call me a fashion retard. I dare ya.

Oh and I’m not wearing ballet flats with moronic fake flowers attached to them. I’m wearing my high heeled slutty ankle boots and you can’t stop me. Call the fashion police on me. I’ll kick them in the cornholio with my heels. Ha! Hopefully their anal beards don’t get caught in my boot. That’d be gross.

And, and I’m not wearing tunic sweaters or pencil pants. Pencil pants? Nice name. Who came up with that? A fucking pencil wanting to wear pants? Pfffftttt.

There’s a new show premiering next week called Ugly Betty. And I’m going to watch it. And what does this have to do with 80′s fashions and me refusing to be caught dead in them? Well, perhaps people will start calling me Ugly Sassy because I refuse to get all wrapped up in the idea that some ‘fashion’ person has decided to pull out the 80′s crap and tell us it’s all ‘MUST HAVE’S’. Ugly Betty looks like she’s the kind of person who’s not afraid to be who she is and if that makes her ugly, well sign me up. I’m going to wear my cute tee’s, my jeans that were in style just a few short months ago, my sweaters with fake fur around the collar, my pink monkey pajamas and anything else that I like whether it’s a ‘must have’ or a ‘must throw out now’. And if anyone has a problem with that, well I’ll just kick them. In the box. Or balls. Whichever.

Posted by Sassy @ 7:36 pmUncategorized10 comments  

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10 Responses to “I won’t do it. You can’t make me.”

  1. Holy shit. TELL ME YOU ARE KIDDING! Well I’ll be Ugly Karen then. But actually neither one of us will be ugly because we AREN’T. We’re hot. Like buttah.

  2. I never really liked the 80′s. I think the fashion police were all in dounut shope during that era!!

  3. Agree with you wholeheartedly mate.
    I exhausted leggings up until 1993 (worn with an man-size denim shirt)when I realised I just looked as though I was standing on two fat pork sausages…
    …and I don’t even want to contemplate diana frilly blouses, ballet flats or having big hair again…. My mother’s rule is – if you wore it the first time, you’re too old to be a second wearer/fashion victim when it becomes ‘fashionable’ again. Amen!

  4. I absolutely refuse to wear any of those items. I rebuke it. Gah.

    I actually SAW someone the other day wearing STIRRUP pants. Girl, I almost peed myself trying to find my camera phone in my giant ass purse. I didn’t before she got away. WTF?

  5. Ok, I agree with you all….but you know re-fuking the fashion police only means one thing…your gettin’ as old as me….muwaaaaa!!!
    I am going to wear shoulder pads,not Mrs. Carrington size, but the small ones I think help us umm bustier gals look better.

  6. Overalls are back too. Ew.

    Actually, I love the LEGGING-SKIRT-BALLET FLATS emsemble. It’s so comfortable and allows me to wear skirts (which I love) all year! Back when I was in grade 6 (i.e. 1999), and I had no leggings my legs were as blue as my blue corderoy skirt after I’d finished school patrols in the morning.

  7. No thanks to the 80′s attire… Ya won’t catch me wearing any of that.. What are they thinking??

  8. The 80′s were the death of “fasion”. Good ridence I say. Fasion has always been the most mindless, bourgeoisie, trivial endeavor society has practiced. Its nonsensical and impracticle. I say “thank you 80′s” for killing this waste of time…
    Did that sound snippy?

  9. who decides what’s ‘in’? because they’re obviously on crack. I know just a few months ago I read in my Glamour magazine that leggings were a big ‘NO’, and this month they’re saying, “leggings are great! wear them under a dress! wear them like this and like that!”

    umm, NOOOOOO!

  10. Holy shit, all those “creative” clothing geniuses out there couldn’t come up with something new? They had to resort to fashion re-runs? I, too, will not be wearing, leggings, tunic sweaters, or pencil pants. Give me my high heel ankle boots and flare leg jeans with a baby T any day.

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