Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for October, 2006

October 31, 2006

A witch and her brew.

What would Halloween be without some yummy witches brew? Nothin’. Okay, I’m just kidding, it’s not really brew, it’s stew. And I just made a rhyme. ‘Cause I’m clever like that. And by clever, I mean I’m slightly below average intelligence. And by slightly below average intelligence, I mean I’m a retarded ass monkey.

What a fun day I had. Let me tell you all about it. Get some coffee, maybe a donut or a bran muffin and a pillow. A pillow you ask? Yes, because by the next paragraph you’ll be snoring and laying in your own drool.

I woke up at 5am because apparently my brain doesn’t want me to get used to the time change. I got up, and eventually made it to my computer and checked my email. Nothing much exciting there. I do have many offers for penis enlargement (thanks but I have a vagina and I’m not looking to enlarge it) and an invitation to join the ‘dirty housewives club’. I’m going to pass on that but will keep it in mind if I so desire to one day become a dirty housewife.

I eventually got my kids up for school, came home, did Billy Blanks You Will Die After This Workout dvd, took a shower and started my stew. I chopped vegetables and put them in a pot. Added meat and some seasoning and took a long nap stood by that stove for hours stirring that mixture and babying that stew so it would come out and be the best tasting thing ever. I can safely say it wasn’t toxic the best tasting thing ever but it didn’t kill anyone. Whew.

Fast forward to getting the kids ready for trick or treating in the freezing cold. We got 3 inches of snow a few days ago and good old bitchface Mother nature decided to put us in a deep freeze too. So the kids had to wear 34 layers of clothes under their costumes so they both ended up looking like the Michelin man despite being Tinkerbell and a police officer. We braved the cold for about an hour and then came home, to have my daughter puke all over the kitchen floor. It was a super way to end the evening. And how was your Halloween?

Now I have a migraine from hell, so I popped some pills and will now flake out on the couch since I’ve bored myself to an almost coma state. I can feel the drool about to start. Happy Halloween.

Posted by Sassy @ 10:37 pmUncategorized4 comments  

October 26, 2006

I’m so totally delusional  famous.

Today, while heading to the grocery store, I heard, “Hey I know you”! Oh shit, is the credit lady that calls my home from time to time, and now she’s after me and about to karate chop me in front of the Pepsi machine? As I turn around, I hear it again and, “I read your blog”!

Holy crap, I’m a freakin’ movie star! I knew it would happen, hords of fans swarming me, making me claustrophobic. Okay, so it was one girl but still. And she happens to know my son Matt. But still. And we may have met briefly a few years ago. But still. Let me live in my glory people, dammit!

I’m sure my bag lady appearance my gleaming beauty drew her attention immediately and compelled her to stare at me and then realize, that I’m the fruitloop’s blog she sometimes visits. I have to run out and get some pens. You know, to sign tons of autographs.

Gosh, there’s so much to do now that I’m famous. Like get some booze fancy clothes and a new do. And a Porche. And some new high heels. And some medication new jewelry. Gotta look the part of a famous person. If you don’t see me around alot, it’s because I’m being mobbed by adoring fans and my arms fell off because I’ve signed so many autographs.

Posted by Sassy @ 6:35 pmUncategorized9 comments  

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