Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for December, 2006

December 24, 2006

Don’t ever buy these things for me.

Have you ever received a crappy Christmas gift? Of course! Here are a few things that I never want. Ever.

1. Jenna Jameson’s Pubic Hair Trimmer. Ah, just the mere fact, that this actually exsists, is enough. I need not go on.

2. Rectal pads. What does one do with rectal pads? Does that mean your butt leaks poo 24/7? If so, you might need to seek medical treatment.

3. A currency converter. WTF mate?

4. Grow-A-Frog kits. Hmmm, when and if I get into amphibians and want to manufacture them, I’ll let you know.

5. A Christmas sweater. Please don’t send me sweaters with Frosty, Santa or a ‘snow’ scene on it. Oh and no snowflakes please.

6. A pillow. I have some thanks.

7. Anything velour. Need I say more?

8. Bic lighter. I don’t smoke nor am I planning on setting any fires in the new year.

9. A worm farm. See # 4.

10. Re-gifting (not always a bad thing). If you’re going to regift to me, at least remove the previous person’s name from the gift tag.

11. A toilet seat. My toilet is equipped with a seat. So a total waste of money. Thanks.

Tell me the worst gift you’ve ever received!

Posted by Sassy @ 10:55 amUncategorized8 comments  

December 23, 2006

Merry freakin’ Christmas.

Well here it is that time again. Time for spiked eggnog so you can get your drunk on family and friends and a jolly good time.

You remember last Christmas right? I had special messages from my family members. This year they told me I was on my own and I told them that I was returning all of the presents I bought thus starting the festivities off on a good start.

I was actually done my shopping a few weeks ago, had it all wrapped and under the tree, which worked out well so I could sit on my duff and eat chocolate until it was going out of style bake nice things for my family.

I had a weird call yesterday. Some dude looking for the Santa tree. I told him he had the wrong number and he yelled that I had no Christmas spirit. I yelled back that I certainly did and that I hoped Santa shits in his stocking. Merry freakin’ Christmas to you too buddy. He hung up on me.

I miss my best friend already. She left to go visit family and will most likely be gone until the end of the holidays. Nice bff, to think of herself during the holiday season. Humph. Maybe I won’t buy her that mansion and the diamonds I said I was going to. And the trip to Mexico. And the date with the Naked Chef that I won. That would serve her right. (I’m only kidding, I hope you enjoy your time away and by the way, there are no diamonds and such. That was a total lie.)

My kids are pretty excited and I’ve tied them to chairs so they don’t open any gifts prematurely. Like who snoops? That’s so lame. I would never do that. (Ducking, incase God strikes me down with a lightening bolt for lying. Not that I lie.)

Do you like my holiday picture? I splurged on a new Santa hat and added bling to my teeth. Because bling sure looks nice on one’s teeth. Absolutely. Hardly looks cheap and white trashy at all. Plus my teeth are so frigging gorgeous anyway, that it’s nice to show them off although I’m not normally a show-off-y type gal. However, I’m pretty sure that there is at least one person out there that thinks I am. She’s an ex friend, who has begun to stalk me again. I’m being restalked. I think I should charge a restalking fee. Most places do.

I’m not making turkey this year. Well not that I’ve actually made the turkey in the past, just cooked the sucker. But we’ve decided we’re going to have t-bones bbq’d and have some other goodies to go with it. I guess everyone is sick of turkey. So in ya face turkey traditions, we’re going to be rebels and cook steak. Booh yah.

Well, I must go and finish making myself pretty. We are heading to the wench’s place for supper. Hopefully she doesn’t get drunk and flash her boobs like she normally does. That girl can cook but holy, keep your clothes on for a change. Ha!

Merry Christmas my sweet readers and I hope Santa finds you but I’m not hoping he shits in your stocking like I said to that weirdo that called me looking for the Santa tree. Whatever the hell that is.

Posted by Sassy @ 4:04 pmUncategorized3 comments  

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