Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
I’m a thief.

February 2, 2007

Do I look shifty to you? Would you think I’m someone who smuggles soup in my purse? Should I be wearing an orange jumpsuit? Well apparently some people think all of the above.

I was at the bank the other day and after I came out, I decided to drive over to the gas station to grab a bottle of water and some peanut M&M’s healthy snacks. I didn’t even actually park in the gas station parking lot, I parked across the street and walked over.

I go up to the counter with my purchases and the cashier/owner asked me if I put gas in my car.

No, I just have the water and M&M’s.

She looks out the big window at the gas pumps and then looks at me with a very suspicous look on her face.

Are you sure you didn’t get gas?

Yes I’m very sure.

Again, she looks out the window and then back at me.

So you didn’t get gas?

No I didn’t. Geez what is this woman’s problem?

You’re sure?

OMG, I didn’t even park here. My van is parked across the street. Holy accusatory.

If I didn’t have a major hard on for M&M’s thirst for water, then I would have told her to shove it.

Next day, I’m at the grocery store and picked up my son’s Pediasure at the pharmacy. We have it paid through Family Services for Children with Disabilities so the pharmacy just issues a manual receipt to show that we’re not stealing it so I can get out the door without any hassle, HA. I go pick up a few groceries and get to the checkout and pay for my groceries. As I’m bagging them, the cashier sees I have 5 boxes of Pediasure in the cart and the receipt is laying right on the top box.

What’s that? Pointing to the boxes.

It’s Pediasure.

Give it to me.


Give me a box so I can ring it in! You didn’t even pay for that! Why didn’t you tell me you had it?

Ummm it’s paid for. Hence the receipt that I got from the pharmacy that’s laying on the top of the boxes.

It’s paid for?

Yes, that’s why I didn’t mention it when going through the checkout. Not like I tried to hide 5 giant boxes right on the top part of the cart. *Smile* *Fakely* (Is that a word?)

She glares at me and goes back to her other customer. Geez. I’m walking towards the door and there’s a lady (sometimes a man) (I don’t mean that the lady is sometimes a man, I mean that sometimes instead of the lady, they put a man there, but I digress), that stands at the door to offer customers change for the carts, provide fliers, and also harrass people apparently. My favorite part.

Whoa. Get back here.


What’s that?

It’s Pediasure.

What’s that? Is that for kids? What is it? Hmmmm?

It’s a nutrition supplement for children. That’s why there’s a fucking teddy bear on the box.

Did you pay for it?

I have a receipt right here. I don’t pay cash for it, but I have a manual billing receipt issued by the pharmacist.

Who’s it for?

Nunya. Nunya fucking business you old bat. My son.

Well I learn something new everyday.

That’s great, haha. Did that sound fake? I hope so.

Did you get porked?

Did I get porked? First I’m made to feel like a criminal and then I’m practically assaulted sexually with the pork talk by an 80 year old woman.

Did you get your pork? If you spend more than $150, you get free ribs. Here’s a coupon.

Oh. Oh. Great. I was really craving pork. *snort*

I gotta go, get on my black and white stripped sweater and get out the old ball and chain, get my left boob tattooed and make a shank so I can escape later and maybe get a strawberries n’ cream from Starbucks.

Posted by Sassy @ 1:59 pmEmbarrassing,I want to Punch You in the Neck9 comments  

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9 Responses to “I’m a thief.”

  1. Hey Sassy girl, you ever hear of Zithromax? heh.

    oh and.. you said Fuck. *gasp*
    Well, technically it was fucking but.. you know.
    and you think you know a person.

  2. Haha you get more trouble from people on cash in stores then I do!

    But I also don’t get any trouble from people. I look like an angel. Just tell me if you want that soup, and I’ll slip it into my pocket…

  3. Sounds to me as though you got porked…
    As for me, I’d harrass ya. You look mighty suspicious to me. I’m talkin STRIPSEARCH…
    Did I say that out loud?

  4. holy spam! that’s what you get for stealing Pediasure! ;)

  5. I awarded you the ROFL Award for this post, Miss Thang. Congrats! I’m going grocery shopping now – be back later!

  6. Wow. This is so worse than my shopping trip yesterday. Great post! I found it through Karen Rani’s ROFL Award.

  7. ROFL, no doubt!

    Did you steal some spam while you were at the grocery store?

  8. [...] She moved! I bought the bizatch her own domain, so the post is here and her home page is here. Go say hi and tell her how purty she is! Stumble it! Posted by [...]

  9. i would have freaked out on the people at whatever pharmacy that was.

    i look like a normal person, but i am actually 30 seconds from freaking out at all times.

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