Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Just stuff.

February 23, 2007

It’s Friday incase you didn’t know. I had to go to the bank this morning and it was really quite uneventful. *Crickets* Soooo, how ’bout that weather?

I was reading some stuff today (that’s why I decided to call this post ‘just stuff’, because it’s going to be a big jumble of shit all over the place ramblings) and there was a story about a woman who swallowed her lovers false teeth. Apparently they were trying out a ‘special type of passionate kiss’. Like kissing is kissing for the most part unless you’re into sucking the gums/teeth (literally) out of your partner’s mouth and then swallowing them and then shitting them out. Yes, she shit them out later on. You know, I’m just going to stick with the boring ole’ French kissing stuff, you know touching tongues etc etc. Call me old fashioned.

Oh, guess what? A beaver was spotted in the Bronx River recently. Apparently they haven’t seen a beaver in those parts for like 200 years. Huh. I’ll show you a beaver. *Wink*

Some postal dude in Mexico was caught with 10 tonnes of mail in his house. Ah. Okay. Gosh I love people.

I’m listening to the song ‘Nasty Girls’ from back in the day. Nice lyrics. ‘I guess I’m just use to sailors, I think they got water on the brain, I think they got more water upstairs than they got sugar on their candycane’. Damn that’s deep.

Hey I flat ironed my hair today AND I did it in less than an hour. That’s a miracle. If you saw and/or felt how much hair I have and how thick it is, you’d be cheering for me right now and possibly awarding me with a medal or trophy of some sort (or sending cash. I’ll post my address later). I’m quite pleased with myself. Now I just need some place to go to show it off. Like who’s going to see my fine lookin’ hair if I sit here on my ass all day? Maybe I’ll go to the grocery store and hopefully some old coot will hit on me again today. That’d be fun. I love being visually assaulted by someone with cataracts and 8 inch coke bottle lenses. That’s just how freaky I am. That’s hot. Hot like a nasty ass rash

My daughter has a half day at school today so that means I have to entertain her all afternoon. She’s a hard one to entertain sometimes. There will be no quiet for the rest of the day. That child talks like there’s no tomorrow or the next day or the next day. I wonder what kind of drama she’ll tell me about today? I’ll let you know when I know.

Oh gosh, did you hear about the loser that called 911 because he couldn’t get into some club? Like, what the fuck? Here’s what happened. Well, now my version might be slightly different than the actual voice footage released by the 911 operator. But what the hell, here’s my take on it.

911: What’s your emergency?

Douchebag: They will not let me in! Help!

911: Who won’t let you in where sir?

Douchebag: They won’t. I can’t get in. I wanna get in you know?

911: Sir, tell me what the emergency is. Are you hurt?

Douchebag: Damn straight I’m hurt sista! I want in and they won’t let me in. I got all gussied up and am lookin’ mighty hot if I do say so myself. So I want you to order them to let me in!

911: Who sir?

Douchebag: The club owners. The bouncers. Or doormen, whatever you call them.

911: The club owners sir?

Douchebag: Yes! I wanted to go dancing tonight, I have my little ‘bojangles’ type shoes on, all set to get my freak on and boogy down and these asswipes said I can’t get in. I want to get my freakin’ freak on, get it freak?

911: Sir, this is not an emergency. Any establishment has the right to refuse you sir. I’m sorry but this is not a legitimate call.

Douchebag: That’s what you think! I got out my purple shiney shirt with the ruffles and my black pleather pants and my pointy shoes and dammit, I want in. I looook gooood. Soooo good.

911: Sir, I’ll have officers there right away. They’ll take care of it. (and by take care of it, she means, they’re going to kick him in the face and make him eat the ruffles on his shiney shirt)

Douchebag: Thank you. I knew I would have the law on my side.

I guess he was arrested for drug possession (ya think?) and unlawfully calling 911. There truly are some wonderful human beings out there.

Okay, peace out. Time to pick up Miss Chatterbox and then maybe we’ll go to Subway so the ‘sandwich artists’ can oogle over my drunkeness hair.

Posted by Sassy @ 1:30 pmI want to Punch You in the Neck,Nonsense4 comments  

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4 Responses to “Just stuff.”

  1. OMG..I didn’t hear anything about that 911 call! That’s freaking hilarious! Any chance the postman was from my area? It would really help if I could say legitimately that I had not received a bill or two ;-) And you can send ms. chatterbox here. Then her and my way beyond bored ms. chatterbox can chatter together. Of course then Liberty would want a tea party to chatter over and then I’d end up baking and playing butler all afternoon. sigh. Share your vodka and I might just be willing to take it on ;-)

  2. so, where is the beaver?
    nastiest line ever on T.V
    “Ward, don’t you think you were a bit hard on the Beaver last night?”

  3. 9-11 guy sounds like he needs to spot a beaver.. if you know what I mean. *wink*

    I hear ya on the hair thing which is why I chopped mine off. It was so freakin thick and now, short and sassy baby. Short and Sassy. I have pics up on my blog if you haven’t seen yet. TahTah.


  4. People are idiots. That’s why I hate people.

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