March 31, 2007

To the person who Googled, ‘my poop came out grey’, seek medical attention immediately. I’m not a doctor, although I play one sometimes at home, I am pretty sure poo is supposed to be some version of brown tones. Not grey. Maybe you shit out your brains, which, if that’s the case, I think you could be in serious trouble. I’m just sayin’.

I’ve sprained my wrist I think and it hurts like hell. If I move it a certain way, it shoots this funky pain up my left arm and actually makes my jaws ache. Maybe that’s why I’ve had this lingering migraine for weeks. I’m not sure. Or maybe it’s the booze. Who knows right? Yes I said I sometimes play a doctor at home, but not all the time, so dammit, I don’t have all of the answers. Do I look like Super Woman to you? Oh. I do? Well spank my ass and call me a bisquit. No, wait. Butter my butt and call me Judy. Hmmm. Spank my butter and punch me in the face? I can’t remember the exact phrase right now, I’m running on empty and I’m tired. And cranky. And hungry. And a big ball of emotions. And I’m old. And I’m still hungry.

I should really go make supper but something’s stopping me. It’s called I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO. I was sure I hired a chef but he must have quit. Maybe because I paid him in used buttons and leftover chicken drippings. Talk about fussy. Hard to find good help these days.

Sigh, I’m leaving now. My kids are playing behind me and they’re very loud and kind of annoying and remember I mentioned I’m cranky? Ya. I will go see if I can get myself invited someplace for supper. I’m not sure how that will happen but I’m sometimes magic, so we’ll see.

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One Response to “Seek help.”

1. April 2nd, 2007 at 6:01 pm, annie Says:

   “Maybe you shit out your brains”!!! Ha-ha!!!
   Aren’t brains pink?
   It would then be pink poo.

   That was funny, though!