Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Green with envy.

April 17, 2007

Oh that’s what you’re gonna be when you read this. You just wait and see.

Last week, I decided to get ambitious and finish painting my son’s room at the new house. He’d requested his room be done in a ‘Scooby Doo’ green, so basically it’s a bright, you need to wear sunglasses type of color. It’s definately cheery.

I had started painting a couple of weeks ago, had put a coat of primer on and thought, well, I’d better get my butt in gear and get the top coat on. So I walked my daughter to school and then went across the street to the new house. I was full of piss and vinegar, set to get that room done by the time the bell rang and she was out for the day.

Everything started off pretty well. It was a gorgeous day, warm and sunny, so I went around and opened all the windows in the house, including the window in my son’s room. I went downstairs and grabbed our kitchen chair (not one of the new ones we purchased but one we’d brought from our current house) and took it up to son’s room because being 5’2″, there’s no way I’m going to reach the top of the wall to paint around the ceiling. Well I guess if I had Gumby arms or I was Inspector Gadget, then maybe. But God didn’t make me that way, he gave me standard length arms, so I’m shit outta luck on that I guess. Anyway, moving on now…….

I get the paint opened and stirred, my brush set out, paint roller and tray and am pleased that I’m so organized. I plug in the radio and crank some tunes, spring breeze is blowing in through the window and although I do not like painting one bit, I felt joyed that I was going to surprise my son later that day with a completed room.

However, before I could start painting with the top coat, I had to cut in around the ceiling with the primer, as I had not done that previously. Hubby was going to do it for me since I am a loser painter not the best painter in the world. He, however, didn’t get around to it since he’s working 15 hour days. So, I figured, I would just go ahead and get it done. I mean how hard is it to cut in at the top of the wall? Piece of cake.

I poured some of the primer into the paint tray. Did I mention the primer is tinted too? It’s even brighter than the actual paint, more like a dayglow, you will be blinded kinda green. I pick up the paint tray and my brush and get up onto the chair. I’m starting at the wall that the door is on. Across from the window. Why am I telling you that the window is across from where I am? You’ll see.

As I’m painting, cutting in, I’m thinking to myself, wow, you’re doing a damn fine job. I thought for sure I’d have green paint smeared all over the white ceiling but nope, I was hot. On fire with that paint brush! After about 5 minutes or so, feeling very proud of myself that, indeed, I was doing a damn fine job cutting in, I felt something. I had on a short sleeved top, a very pretty one I might add. And my arm felt wet. I looked down to my left arm and didn’t see anything. I go back to painting and again, felt something wet. I look up at the ceiling. Why? Apparently I’m retarded and thought, wow, is the roof leaking? You know because often, when it’s warm and sunny out and blue skies, your roof leaks and then you get wet under your arm. I hate when that happens. Gah. Again I look down at my arm and still see nothing but I can feel wetness under my arm, near my elbow. Then I realized something. While I was busy painting, dragging that brush back and forth, cutting in at the ceiling, I forgot that I was also holding a big paint tray. With green primer in it. My brain apparently, can’t do too many things at once and while I was singing and painting, I was also pouring the entire paint tray of primer onto my clothes. Green primer. Ya, that pretty top, wasn’t so pretty any more. Oh and my fav jeans, well, let’s just say, they are not at the top of the list anymore.

So there I was, holding a now near empty paint tray, a brush and standing in a big pool of green, that was now smeared all over my feet and the chair and dripping onto the floor. Thank the holy mother of all that is good, that I had put a drop cloth down. Can you imagine the look on my husband’s face had I had to tell him we really should replace the carpet in Ryan’s room? Why honey? Oh, well you know, because. Because it’s kinda ugly now with that giant sea of green paint smeared in it. Whew that was close.

Okay, let’s breath a sigh of relief, the bitch didn’t ruin the carpet. However, I still have the issue of wearing the paint. And my feet and left arm are not their normal pasty white anymore. I’m glowing. And not from happiness. I swear I stood on that chair for at least 10 minutes, wondering what the hell I’m going to do?

I set the brush into the tray and bend down as far as I can and drop it onto the covered floor. I look down and assess the mess. It ain’t pretty. My left foot is completely green and since I’d been stepping in the paint on the chair, under my foot was coated too. The whole left side of my shirt and pants were covered and dripping. The chair was ruined. What to do, what to do? I realized I had no choice but to strip right there and hopefully limit the mess to the area I was in. I gingerly look off my top, careful not to get green paint in my hair. I balled up my shirt and tossed it on the drop sheet. I then took off my pants, getting green paint all through them with my covered left foot. Nice. Very classy. So there I stood, with a totally green foot, green arm, partially covered green right hand and foot, in my bra and panties, on a wet, paint covered cloth chair. Then it hit me. I’m standing directly across the window. The open window. The one with the blinds pulled completely UP. And staring at me are the houses of my future neighbours. Good Lord. I panicked and jumped off the chair, realizing, damn, what if I don’t land on the drop cloth? Oh no need to worry about that, since I landed in the paint tray. Great, now both feet were equally green. I rubbed them as much as I could with a big bulky paint cloth and crawled on my hands and knees across to the bathroom, where I proceeded to wash my feet in the tub. Panick was about to set in, thinking, what in hell was I going to wear home? I didn’t drive, so I can’t even sneak out to my van and drive home half naked. Then I realized, I had brought some clothes over and they were hanging in my closet like a best friend, waiting to wrap me in her embrace. I had nothing that was springy so I had to opt for a big thick winter sweater and a pair of wool dress pants. Great my friend was making me sweaty and itchy.

I went back to the bedroom and grabbed my clothes and proceeded to wash them out in the tub and did succeed in getting most of the paint out of my top. My jeans, well, may they rest in green peace. They will never be the same. I know what you’re all thinking. Why would someone wear something NICE to paint in? My husband asked me that very question. I don’t have a very good answer. I said to him, ‘well I never thought I’d be pouring a litre of paint on myself’. Because that just doesn’t make sense. I mean come on, who’s ever heard of that? The room did get finished though and it does look great. I will post a picture of it soon, and be sure to wear sunglasses when you look, I don’t want to be responsible for your blindness. Oh and here’s a tip: When painting your son’s room, hire a professional.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:16 amEmbarrassing,Just Stuff.15 comments  

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15 Responses to “Green with envy.”

  1. Well Sassy,
    I have almost did the same thing, not near that bad, but wearing pretty clothes to paint in? Well nooooo, I bet you never do again! Cannot wait to see the photos, I bet it looks great!

  2. ROFLMAOPIP!!! OMG. I just. OMG.

    Okay, sorry. Couldn’t type because I was laughing so damn hard. Not at you, I swear, but with you.

    Two years ago I decided to repaint my MIL’s house as a mothers day gift while she was on a weekend getaway. Silly me feeling all spring chicken like wore my cutest most comfy pair of capri’s. They are now covered in yellow and green paint, great resembling a can of Slice soda.

    Needless to say when we painted Alex’s room once we moved here I had my very artistic crafty SIL do it :-D

  3. Honey it’s the thought that counts.lol I hope you took a picture of the…er…job you did.lol

  4. drop cloths! thats the step we missed! oh wel i hated the carpet we had in there anyway.

    pee ess: i was also using green paint.

    green paint is cursed!

  5. lol! good story. I learned my lesson the first time I painted our walls. there’s no ‘neat’ way of painting. no matter how careful you are, you’re going to end up wearing at least some paint!

  6. HOLY CRAP!! I just kept thinking, “NO!”
    OMG I had tears coming down from laughing so hard!
    So you can tell your neighbors that you are a lime jell-o wrestler and you were just practicing!

  7. Oh..my! Usually I end up with one hand completely covered in paint..and clothes, face and in hair! Welcome to the non-painters club. We get it done..but we get “done in” by the paint!
    Hey, we are creative..masters wear their work too!

  8. LOL to funny Sassy.

  9. LOL too funny

  10. OMG! That is too freaking funny!!! Only you my dear Sassy!!

  11. Really funny story! I once had my very fluffy black and white dog “help” paint a room green — she had a very jaunty green tail for a while!

  12. LOLOLOL This was hilarious! I simply spray painted an outdoor table for my plants the other afternoon. Spraypaint, for crying out loud, and I practically had to scrub myself raw to get it off of me! lol @@ Love the story and TYSM for sharing. Your site is lovely, too, btw ;)

  13. When I started reading this and you set it up I was hoping there was going to be some nudity involved and loo and behold, BAM, you’re takin off your clothes. Of course the version that played out in my head had you gyrating to the music while smearing said paint all over your milky skin, squeezing your breasts, running your hands down….

    Anyhow, I need a little “alone” time right now…

    I can almost visualize that…..lol

    Where are the pics wench???

  15. yowza! why does painting always produce the most mind-boggling mess? i had a peppy 4 year old deposit a quart of white paint on the hardwood floors last week. WTF? i think it’s still everywhere although i feel certain i cleaned up. most certainly it’s still on the (gasp!) $70 pair of yoga pants i splurged on. :(

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