May 7, 2007

…are coming to town in July. And by boyfriends, I mean I’m clearly delusional and need immediate psychiatric attention boyfriends (Chad and Chris). Deal.

Nickelback and Chris Daughtry are performing here in Calgary 3 days before my birthday. I think they probably planned it that way, just for me. They’re so dang sweet. I have to say my husband really puts up with alot. This is now the fourth time in 2 1/2 years that he’s bought me Nickelback tickets. He really is nice, so nice infact, that he doesn’t care that I beg him to buy me time to see my boyfriends. That’s true love people. True love. He’s not sure if he’s going to go to the concert with me, so I may be taking someone else. We’ll see how that plays out. I could go with the local fruitcake and I wouldn’t care, just as long as I’m going to be seeing this concert. I’m already secretly very excited. My husband was well thanked. Just sayin’.

I did some baking today. And I didn’t poison anyone or induce vomitting in any way, shape or form. You should be proud of me, so very proud. I might take up cooking. You know, on a full time basis. Wait. Wait. Oh. I’m over that idea. Must be the medication talking. What medication you ask? My allergies have not bothered me for SEVEN years and lucky me, they kicked into high gear this year. Fabulous. I love walking around with itchy watery eyes, sniffling a million times a day and punching people in the neck. I’m not 100% sure if punching people is an allergy symptom or maybe that’s just my inner devil. I’ll get back to you on that one.

I got a wrong number on Saturday on my cell phone. A woman, with a very strong Spanish accent called and she was calling me sweetheart and telling me how much she missed me. I was flattered but very bewildered because I didn’t recognize her voice at all. Again, thought maybe it was the meds.

Hello?

Hi sweetheart! Oh, hello! I’ve missed you honey, how are you?

I’m fine thank you. And you? I’m starting to panic a little, wondering if I’m going to be feeling so stupid for not recognizing my mother’s voice but then I remembered, she’s not Spanish nor does she do a very good fake Spanish accent.

I’m good honey, I’ve missed you so much! You’re such a sweetheart. Well clearly I know this person because they know me, telling me what a sweetheart I am. Ya.

Ummm, thank you. So what’s new?

Nothin’ much honey, how’ve you been?

Busy.

Oh really? This is Sonya right?

Sonya? No, I’m sorry it’s not.

Oh yes! This isn’t Sonya? Well who are you? Do I know you? This isn’t Sonya?

No, I’m thinking you have the wrong number.

Oh my goodness, really? Is this ***-****?

No, not really even close. What area code are you calling from?

I’m calling from 303.

This is 403. So ya, wrong number.

Oh honey, you’re a sweetheart and I do apologize for dialing the wrong number.

Ah, well, that’s okay.

I was kinda sad that she had the wrong number, she seemed fun. I mean, she was obviously in love with me. But then again, who isn’t?

I’m off to finish making spagetti. Doesn’t that sound exciting? You’re so jealous you’ve peed your pants. Don’t be embarrassed. I won’t tell.

May 5, 2007

Remember I said I was going to tell you all about my moving tales? Ya. Well I decided, what’s there to tell? I mean you pack your shit in a box, tape up the box, load the box onto a truck, take box to new house, unpack box and crush box. Not that interesting really. So instead, let me regale you with my week.

Monday, I unpacked more stuff, cleaned. Tuesday, unpacked more stuff and cleaned. Wednesday, unpacked……..you know, I see a pattern here and it’s kinda boring too. Geez, I thought I had shitloads of fun to tell you about. Apparently it was more fun in my head thinking about telling you. Or maybe that was the booze talking? Who knows.

I finally got my desk set up. Ah, well, not me per say, my husband. He stayed up until 1am last night putting it together. I was using a Rubbermaid container for my desk, monitor was on my chair and my chair was my ass on the floor. Not a great office look really. This is the part where you feel sorry for me that I had to sit on the floor whilst on the ‘puter and then feel happy for me because I now have a real desk. Dont you love when I tell you how to feel? I know you do. You like me being bossy. Now send me money dammit.

Today is Saturday. Now sure it could be Sunday somewhere else or maybe even Tuesday, but here my friends, it’s Saturday. And you know what that means? I don’t either, I was hoping you did. God, could you be alittle more helpful? I have nothing interesting to do today. Well I do have to go shopping later at some point. Right now though, I can just sit on my ass because everyone else is still sleeping. I will of course have to feed my kids when they get up. The rule is, they should be given food at least 3 times a day or they riot. And who wants a mini riot in their home? Not me, that’s for damn sure.

I went to the grocery store to return some shower curtain hooks the other day. When I purchased them, I didn’t notice that there were only 6 hooks in it even though the box said ‘12 shower curtain hooks’. Like did someone buy it previously and take 6 and then return it? I mean who only needs 6 shower curtain hooks?

Hi, I’d like to return these hooks, there’s only 6 in the box.

Yes. I see there’s only 6, what’s the problem?

Ah, there are supposed to be 12 in the package.

I don’t think so.

Yes, it’s true. It says so right on the box.

Okay.

Okay? So, I’d like to get a refund please.

I don’t see it on your receipt.

It’s the very last item on the receipt.

Okay. *Just stares at me, kinda creeping me out*

Okay, so can I get a refund?

How did you pay for these?

Ah, cash.

How do you know?

It says so on the receipt. *WTF mate?*

Okay. I’ll do it.

Gee, thanks. Superfantasicsuperdeduper. I get all the nutjobs.

That about sums up my fun filled week. Oh wait, I went out for breakfast yesterday with my 2 breakfast wenches. We then hit the Dollarstore..appropriately called Dollarama. Everything is a dollar. I’m sure that’s not news, since most people have been to a dollar store where everything is a dollar. I’m just sayin’. It was fun. I went in there to buy nothing and came out with 30 items. Funny how that works. And by funny, I mean so what?

Okay my daughter just woke up and is talking crazy. She’s hungry. Yada yada yada. When are kids NOT hungry? That’s what the hell I want to know. If you can tell me why, I’ll give you a million dollars. And by million dollars, I mean I’ll send you my Monopoly money, bitches. I’ve got tons of it.