Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
The next best thing….

June 12, 2007

…since sliced bread. That’s what this piece of bread is:


What the hell kind of bread shape is that? Oh before I go any further, this will be riveting writing people, so be forewarned. I can’t help it if I’m brilliant.

So anyway, the bread shape. What is it? Who makes bread look like that? I mean this is 2007 last time I checked and hello, can we not make bread look like bread? What kind of pan does one have in order to make the bread come out looking all haphazard like that? I want answers dammit! Does the bread have a yeast infection? Oh feel the pun, soak it in. I was going to make a sandwich but now I’m sorta afraid to. What will my tomatoes think? Oh no bitch, you are not putting us on THAT piece of bread. My tomatoes will riot. They’ll throw themselves at me up on stage. Okay, well, I’m not up on stage but you know what I mean. My mayo will throw up on itself, begging me not to spread it on that slice of bread. Listen darlink, you vill not spread me on dat piece of nasty white,all misshapen an’ shit. No way. My bacon (if I had any) would be pissed that I would be placing their fat ass on that sick looking bread. We fried ourselves in our own grease for you and this is how you repay us? By putting us on your ugly bread? You suck. See how this would go? It would be awful and I just don’t think I can do that to my toppings or myself. Oh the horror.

I think I’ll write to the bread place and complain. Like get your pans fixed and make bread that looks like bread. Guess I’ve got a busy day ahead. Where’s my pencil?

Posted by Sassy @ 10:43 amFood Disasters,Nonsense8 comments  

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8 Responses to “The next best thing….”

  1. ROFL! That is strange! Was the whole loaf that way or just that one piece??

    Rioting tomatoes. You crack me up!

  2. I’m going to have to start doing warm up exercises before I read your posts! It hurts from laughing so hard! Yeast infection??? I’m killing myself! My new goal is to read your post FIRST thing in the morning…who can have a bad attitude after reading your stuff? Just makes for a better day…thanks!

  3. My bread is way prettier than that bread will ever be!!!

    When I get home, I will send you a loaf of such gorgeous home-made bread, that you will not want to eat it because it is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

    Puh-cha bread place, who do you think you’re trying to fool with that fugly bread^

  4. I’m also wonder if it was just that slice or the whole loaf. I’m also wondering how that wasn’t visible threw the bread package. I’m sorry you got mutated bread.

  5. Hoping that your doctors appt with the doctor that is not your doctor went well.

  6. well, is the bread the yeast of your worries or just the beginning??

    Put some raspberry jam and butter on it… jam is never picky- it spreads easily.

    Oh damn! what is with me today and the bread remarks. Leaving now.
    Hey beyotch, still want the STCF? know what that is? huh? do ya?? if you do, I can kind of sort of send you one today… kind of.

  7. Oh Melie, you are so “whitey” (instead of witty…hahaha, get it? Oh.)…umm hell ya I know what STCF is! Duh, I wasn’t born like yesterday, the day before maybe BUT not yesterday! Ha!

  8. It looks like two pieces of bread were molded together. How odd! Are all the bread slices like that?

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