Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Is it Saturday?

June 23, 2007

I think it is. I’m pretty sure yesterday was Friday so that would mean it’s Saturday unless we’re in New Zealand, which now, I think it would be Sunday? Do we really care? No.

I thought I’d do something to put everyone to sleep fun by talking about my recent search strings. I always wonder what people are thinking when they search for certain things/phrases on the big ole’ web world. And by wonder, I mean, I could give a rat’s ass but I’m bored. Moving on………

‘What flavor is Shrek’

Well to answer you, I don’t know what flavour Shrek is. He’s big, green, kinda fugly and looks like he’d be smelly. I’m guessing he’s somewhere between green tea, mixed with rotten socks, with some 23 day old bananas but let’s get real here shall we? He’s a fucking cartoon. You can’t eat him mmmkay?

‘I chipped off the corner of my sidewalk with my lawnmower’

Big enough search string? Geez, write a book already. To give you some advice for that style of lawnmowing, here’s a tip: Don’t get drunk, then mow your lawn, moron. And what kind of lawnmower are you using that it actually chipped your sidewalk? Is your sidewalk made out of cheese? If so, I’d suggest selling your home immediately and sending me half of your profits for giving you the balls to get off your ass and sell your house that’s in front of a cheese sidewalk. Gross.

‘I really got to pee n poop’

Ummmm here’s a suggestion: FIND.A.FUCKING.TOILET.

‘Oh my gawd your daughter came into my yard and kicked my dog’

Well your dog came into her yard first and shit on her Barbies, so what did you expect? You go girl.

‘My daughter wears sweatpants’

Sick. She’s obviously sick in the head. Sweatpants? I’d rather drive rusty nails into my eye sockets than be caught dead (or alive) in sweatpants. Punch her now. She needs some sense knocked into her. Do it now if you truly love her. Break her of her nasty habit NOW.

‘Tell Mommy, did you break this lamp?’

Yes I did mommy because it sucks. You have rotten taste in lamps beeyotch, so I broke that mo-fo.

‘Shrek McFlurry’

Trust me, you don’t want one of these. I talked about it here and I think after reading that, you will know WHY you don’t want one of those. Also see the first search string above….Shrek smells. ‘Nuff said.

‘Oh my my my my’

Stutter much? If you stutter, don’t write to me and say I offended you. I’m busy making fun of you cleaning.

‘Diapered kids’

Yes, these are called BABIES.

‘Why are my shoes all dirty with the stains’

Because you stained them with the dirt, duh. Assclown.

There you have it, your complete Saturday (or Sunday if you’re in NZ) entertainment. I’m always so glad when I can help you with your weekend plans. I am so fucking lame rock.

Posted by Sassy @ 10:09 amFunky Search Strings4 comments  

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4 Responses to “Is it Saturday?”

  1. ROFLMAO. I love this. Crack me up. I always knew you brought out the crazies ;-)

  2. Oh wow lol thats some interesting search phrases you’ve got there. Some people are really screwy in the head!

    By the way, it’s Karen’s cousin. I changed my blog name and url and all that jazz lol

  3. in times like these you should go to the grocier’s.

  4. Only you Sassy!! Lmao.. I love hearing your stories over the phone!!

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