July 22, 2007

I swear we have the weirdest kitten ever. Don’t get me wrong, she’s the best kitten ever too. She was the perfect kitten when we got her…instantly trained, could climb stairs no problem, does the dishes when asked, mows the lawn when I’m just too lazy…the list goes on. She’s a gem really. She is however, a little freaky.

My daughter decided to climb on the back of our love seat in the livingroom and then proceed to jump off of it, practicing Karate moves even though, technically she isn’t taking Karate professionally. I guess she wants to prepare before she actually takes the class. Good thinking. Smart like her mama. Anyway, the cat thinks she’s a martial arts expert. Ya, there’s only enough room in this household for one incoherent lush martial arts Ninja and that’d be me. You can click HERE if you want to see the pictures in their full glory. I mean, I’m not going to make you click there, I’m just trying to be helpful. Can’t accuse me of not not trying to be helpful. I think. I’m not sure what I’m saying. Listen, just click if you freakin’ want to, and if you don’t, have another hit off the pipe. Or eat some icecream. Help an elderly lady across the street. Punch a clown in the groin. Whatever floats your boat.

July 21, 2007

I bought these sandals back in May. I forgot to tell you and for that, I do apologize. Say it…’you need a slap bitch for not giving us the news’. I mean how could I not boast about them? Sure, it’s not like they’re a new pair of boobs or something, but still, they’re nice. I like them anyway.

I was supposed to be getting highlights in my hair this morning but my husband informed me last night that he had to work today to finish a job so we can eat but really, my hair is way more important but whatever that he was working on. I guess when I go to my boyfriend’s concert next week, I’ll just have to have my plain ol’ red hair minus the blonde highlights. I’m sure Chad won’t love me any less. *Sigh*.

Don’t tell anyone but it’s after 12pm here and I’m still in my jammies. I actually did my workout in them. How loser-ish stylish is that? I’m workin’ it people, workin’ it.

I had to call a certain govn’t agency yesterday for my husband’s business to let them know we’d have the paperwork into them by the end of the month and the conversation went quite well I think.

Hello, you’ve reached the “blah blah blah”, can you please tell me where you are calling from and I need your business number?

Hi, yes, I’m calling from “Insert husband’s business name here” and his business number is “whatever”.

Okay, and your position in the company?

Ummm, well I’m married to the president of the company, so I guess that makes me the first lady. *I snickered quite loudly as I thought it was funny, nothing like cracking your damn self up over your damn self*

*Crickets chirping* Okay. And can you please tell me why you are just filing the paperwork now?

Sure, I think it’s one of those situations of where ‘the dog ate my homework’.

*Crickets chirping really loud now* Okay.

That probably isn’t the answer you want to write on our file, so just put that we were moving during the time we were supposed to file, which we really were moving, so let’s go with that. We don’t even have a dog. You know, you probably don’t want to write all of that on our file either, just put that my arms fell off and I couldn’t fill it out properly until I got my new bionic arms. They’re on now baby. You should see me gripping this phone. *Nothing, nada, zip. This guy was hard to break. Maybe he’s not into insane ladies funny women.*

Okay then. And will the paperwork show a debit or credit? And if a debit, will your husband be paying in full?

I think it will be a debit and if it’s under a million dollars, then yes, he’ll pay it in full. *Again, I laugh to a dead audience* Well, you know, even if it’s like $999,999, we won’t be able to swing that either. I mean, even if it’s like $24,899, we probably can’t pay that out either. Okay, let’s say if it’s under $600 bucks, we can pull it off.

Hmmm, okay. *Paaaartaaayyy pooper*

Okay, so do you still want to keep playing 20 questions? Or are we done now?

We’re done Miss, we’re done. *Click*

No sense of humour or what? Pffftt. Off to get dressed now. Try not to get any drool on my white sandals betches. Peace out.