Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
I’m not a dog but…

August 23, 2007

…I’m hardly modeling material either. However, someone named ‘Francesca’ seems to think I’d have a great career at modeling and is insisting I send ‘her’ a photo of myself. First off, I think ‘her’ is probably ‘he’ and not just any ‘he’ but a big, fat, greasy slob, at home, sitting in his skid marked undies, a huge beer gut covered in blackish-grayish hair, belly button lint overflowing, smelly pits, a piece of KFC in one hand and obviously typing with the other hand as all of this conversation is taking place on messenger. Unless he’s typing with his penis. Oh God, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

F: Hello, how are you?

Me: I’m fine, thanks

F:You remember me?

Me: Umm no, not really, sorry. Where do I know you from?

F: I find girls for modeling agency

Me: Umm oh. Well I’ve never been to a modeling agency so I highly doubt we’ve met.

F: You want model?

Me: Do I want to model? Sure if you’re looking for a 5ft 2in forty twenty-five year old who may look demented sweet for her age but I’m thinking I’m past modeling career status. Plus, really, I could be an ugly troll who lives under bridges and eats people.

F: Show me your looks.

Me: Show you my looks? Damn, I just packed them away. Ah, well, my picture is in the display box of my messenger, so you can see what I look like.

F: Oh you beauty

Me: Well thanks but I’m still pretty certain I’m not what you’re looking for.

F: You send me?

Me: Send you what? A donut?

F: You send me photo.

Me: Ya sure, I’m going to send you a photo. I’ll get right on that. And by right on that, I mean, when it becomes fashionable to pee on total strangers. Wait, how about when pigs fly?

F: I’m in Milan, you in Milan?

Me: Oh ya, I go to Milan all the time. I just got back this morning actually. I was on a modeling job.

F: You making fun?

Me: Making fun of you? No. That’s not my style. Like I would be sarcastic. Like ever. Especially with someone who says they are Francesca looking for ‘girls’ for ‘modeling’ from ‘Milan’, which all sounds totally plausible. And certainly since you think I’m modeling quality, why would I make fun of you? That would be fun rude of me.

F:I get back to you

Me: Oh I’ll be waiting with baited breath by the messenger! Be still my heart.

So betches, I might not be writing for awhile, you know, since I’m going to be in Milan posing n’ shit, while people take my photo while I look all pouty and stuff. Hey don’t be jealous, we can’t all be models.

Posted by Sassy @ 12:36 pmConfusing right?,Nonsense6 comments  

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6 Responses to “I’m not a dog but…”

  1. Some people have ALL the luck!!!

  2. You want model?

    … jeesh, who wouldn’t want a model. I mean, I’d take one right now to you know- crush my ice, or something.

    Gotta love it.

  3. Damn, I knew I should have tried the free medical exam scam instead…

    anyway, do you think maybe sometime soon it will be fasionable to pee on strangers?


    p.s. I go commando so the chair itself is skidmarked

    I think you just puked in your mouth again…

  4. Lmao.
    You and your conversations with IDIOTS!!!

  5. Damn, I had so many things I want to quote, but each sentence outdid the last.

    Brilliant, or should I say, gorgeous!

  6. Wow, you’re amazing. To be so spectacular that modeling scouts seek you out – sight unseen!

    I humbly stand in your shadow. Also? Can I go to Milan with you?

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