August 27, 2007
I ate pasta tonight for supper and now I’m paying for it because I have heartburn. I do have Tums, so I will take one in a minute or I suppose I could get off my duff and get one now and stop the suffering, but maybe I want to suffer. Ever think of that?
Do you realize what today is? Yes, it’s Monday evening, perhaps even Tuesday somewhere. Or maybe it’s Friday on Mars. My point is, wait, did I have a point? I forget. Oh, I know, my kids go back to school in a week. Next Tuesday I will be
dragging my arse gleefully getting out of bed to make breakfast, pack lunches, brush hair, get backpacks ready, shoes laid out by the door, offer a hug and a kick kiss and off they go. The excitement is bubbling up. Sure summer is fun because you don’t have to be on a particular routine, you can stay up late and there’s no trying to get homework done before Survivor comes on but there’s drawbacks too. There’s the whole, ‘I gotta be a parent thing’ from about 7am to 11pm because they don’t sleep in even though it’s summer and they of course stay up late because you’re passed out drunk being sweet and letting them stay up way past their regular bedtime. Pros and cons all around.
I’m happy to report that I have a new 6 in 1 scanner/printer/fax thingamajiggy. I had to set it up today. Only took me about 5
hours minutes, well because I’m a brainiac. I know what is going through your mind. She’s model material AND super smart. Bitch. It sucks being this awesome, trust me. Oh and I’m a doctor. Naw, just yankin’ yer chain (no seriously, I’m a doctor). I printed out some calendar things for the kids today which totally made them jump around as if I’d handed them a sack of money to spend at the toy store. Apparently, all we have to do, is keep the ink stocked up, print out a few cartoon pictures and they’re in heaven. Certainly another thing for me to threaten them with. ‘Oh you want to print a Spongebob picture out? Well then, you’d better get your room cleaned, vaccuum, make the beds, cook all meals, rub my feet and bake a cake, then we’ll talk about that guy that lives in a pineapple under the sea picture’. Again I’m just kidding. They don’t have to rub my feet.
I received a call the other day from some dude from the head office of my bank. I forget exactly what he said his title was, something like ANNOYINGTHESHITOUTTACUSTOMERS Bob or something close to that. He wanted to know why I’m not very active concerning my account. Well, Bob, I just opened it 2 weeks ago, so I’ve not had much time to rob other banks and deposit my ‘findings’ in my account. I’m sure Bob, if you had taken, oh, 30 SECONDS to view my account, you’d see the date I opened it and therefore be able to deduce the fact, that my account is NEW and that I’ve not had that much time to be active with it. And it’s my bank account, so if I want to ignore it for awhile or smother it with deposits, I will when I feel like it. My choice. He blabbered on about how they want to have a relationship with me. Ah ya, because my past experience with banks has been stellar and they’ve all wanted to have ‘relationships’ with me. Always helpful, those banks. Okay, so if I need a drive at 3am because I have a flat tire on the highway, you’re going to come and rescue me Bob because we’ve created a relationship through my bank account? Okay. I’ll be calling yer ass. We’ll test this theory out Bob. Have your phone ready. You want a relationship, you got it. Ha.
My tan is fading. Not that I was super dark, but hey 3 shades above PASTY is hot you know. Soon I will be back to being whiter than white bread but less crusty of course. Oh see that? See that awesome play on words. Word play? You know you’re impressed. I often get that reaction. Sorry for being so fabulous. It’s truly a curse.
Well I must go clean my kitchen…wait…I think my youngen’s are supposed to be doing that because I’m supposed to be threatening them with ‘if you want that printed out, you will do this’. Oh this is gonna be fantastic. If you’re a parent, get a printer. I highly recommend it.