August 13, 2007
I don’t normally discuss certain personal, private things, well, other than with the mail lady or the cashier at the corner store but they are thinking of having me committed very close to me, so I usually tell them all the juicy details. But for you today, I’m going to get down and hairy and spill the beans on the internet. Might get a bit hairy in here. Oh the pun-y-ness (that’s my own personal invented word..use it and you will have to pay me royalties. Just sayin’.) Let me explain….
The other day, while brushing my pearly whites, I glanced down and noticed a, ummm, ah, wad of ‘hair’ in the garbage can. I didn’t particularly think much of it. Figured, oh hubby’s been doing some trimming, which, how thoughtful is that? Later on, while I was vaccuuming the livingroom, I saw something in the corner by the tv stand. I bent down to get a look and I could actually feel the knot of confusion spreading across my face. It was another clump of ‘hair’ of a certain texture, length and colour. I mean, sure it’s nice when your partner keeps themself well groomed and all, but to leave their ‘trimmings’ in the livingroom seemed a bit weird. I wasn’t sure if I should suck those bad boys up or get a papertowel and pick them up. Either option seemed, well, yucky. I opted for sucking those puppies up, the least yucky of the 2 options.
I continued my cleaning spree, forgetting about the giant hair balls I’ve encountered. I put the vaccuum away and decided I would clean out my dresser and get rid of some clothes that I really didn’t want anymore. As I’m sitting on the floor sorting things out, I see something out of the corner of my eye by our bed. It’s looking very familiar at this point and now I’m really starting to get weirded out. I scooch over by the bed and sure enough, there’s another ball of hair, taunting me. I mean, how the hell much hair does one person have in a certain nether region? And who trims their, ah, unmentionables in every room of the house? I trot downstairs to retrieve the vaccuum cleaner again as there is no way in hell I’m going to pick up hairy clumps of, well, ‘HAIR’. I’m thinking perhaps, that I should call my husband and ask him if he’s smoking something and should I be on the lookout for more surprise balls of human yarn around the house? I soon go back to sorting my dresser out.
After packing some clothes away, I made my way downstairs to the 4th level of our house, which I lovingly refer to as ‘tornado alley’ since that’s where my 2 youngest children often play. I entered their playroom and proceeded to pick up a few toys as not to end up breaking my damn neck while manuvering around the room. As I’m tossing some stuff into their toy boxes, I look to my right and oh my freaking gawd, I see yet another clump of curlies. I’m sooo not impressed at this stage. What kind of person does their private shave jobs in a kids’ playroom? I’m about ready to have my husband committed or at least take him in for tests. As I’m getting up to go get the stupid vaccuum cleaner yet again, I noticed a pair of kid scissors beside the hair. Why would anyone trim their pubes with kid scissors? That seemed a bit on the odd side. It’s then that I noticed it. A doll. A Barbie doll to be exact. And she only had half a head of reddish, curly, wirey hair. It’s at this point that I realized that perhaps I was a bit hasty in thinking my husband had done his cutting business all around the house with kid scissors. I’m thinking that maybe, just maybe it was my daughter’s work, deciding she would be a Barbie hairstylist for the day. I approach the offending clump and pick it up. Ah ya, it was doll hair and after asking my child about it, she confirmed that she had started her career in the bathroom and then the livingroom, in my bedroom and eventually back down to the playroom. It’s at this stage, that I realize I really need to continue getting drunk be able to tell the difference between pubic hair and doll hair. Could be embarrassing.
