Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for September, 2007

September 26, 2007

Did you ever murmugerhger….

…that’s my mumbling typing up there by the way. What I was asking was, did you ever talk to someone who sounds like they have a mouth full of shit and can’t really speak in a clear, coherent way? I experienced that this morning. I’m not saying the chick actually had poo in her mouth, I mean if she did, whatever floats yer back teeth but honestly, I couldn’t understand a word she said. I was at a certain establishment which I won’t name incase they’re all sitting around reading this, which of course they probably are because I’m so popular and famous and I doubt they have anything better to do. I was placing my order and she was asking me something and I had no clue what she was asking. Her lips were barely moving. Maybe she was training to be a ventriloquist? That’s admirable but really, I hardly think the time or place to practice is while waiting on customers. Just sayin’ is all.

I had the weirdest dream last night which I won’t bother boring you with. Wait. You wouldn’t be bored. You pray by your laptop each night that you’ll wake up to me having written to brighten your day. I get confused sometimes. So I was running in the dream and there were these creepy clowns chasing me, wanting me to try some of their spagetti. I like spagetti, however, I’m not trying food from clowns that I just don’t know. Even in my dreams, I’m a genius. That’s about it. There may have been some kinky stuff involved later on but really, that’s not something you want to hear. Let’s not get nuts here.

I got in my husband’s truck this morning and the smell that slapped me in the face was horrid. I thought something had perhaps died in there over the last couple of days. I hadn’t been in it since Monday and didn’t recall having any dead bodies in there at that time but sometimes I get forgetful, so maybe I, er, just forgot. Anyway, I’m trying really hard to place the smell but it was escaping me. I hadn’t had any takeout in there, so I knew it wasn’t rotting food. Neither of the kids had puked in there, so I also knew it wasn’t stale chunks just lying around. I happened to glance down at the floor on the passenger side and see something wet. Then I see the empty bottle on the floor as well. What was in that empty bottle? Mouthwash. Who knew that something you swish around in your mouth to make your breath smell super nice, could smell so putrid after being spilled out onto a truck floor? Certainly not I. I can’t even describe the odour. Just that it was gross. So guess who’s going to have to clean the truck out? Yup, you got it. Not me. I’m too busy anyway as I’m still thinking about the painting I have to get done downstairs by Saturday. Do you realize how much work it is to think and think and think? I didn’t think so. Oh see that? See my big word play with the word think? Impressed aren’t you? You should hear me talk. You’d be awed by my fantastic word speak but I don’t wanna toot my own horn. You’d be tooting it for me. Ha.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:37 amI want to Punch You in the Neck,Just Stuff.6 comments  

September 24, 2007

I was in Milan.

Modeling. That’s where I’ve been for the last few days. If none of this sounds familiar, then you’ll have to click on the word ‘modeling’ beginning this paragraph and perhaps that will refresh your drunk mind.

My husband is away for 8 days and I’ve been here, passed out the whole time holding the fort down. He’ll be home in a few days, so that means, I must continue to hold the fort down. It’s alot of work. I must say I do like not having to cook meals. I mean I do feed my kids but since Ryan has a special diet, he doesn’t eat ‘regular’ food and my daughter is Miss Fussy Pants and I’m Not Eating That, so no big elaborate meals for her. I just make some soup or a sandwich for myself. How much better can it get than that? Sure, it would be nice if I had a hot pool boy personal chef, but we can’t get everything we want even if we cry, beg and plead.

I did some Christmas shopping over the weekend and today I have to wrap it so I can forget what I bought by the time December rolls around and then will have to sorta unwrap it so I can jog my memory. Sounds like a plan. I love when I have a plan. I also have a plan to paint the bedroom downstairs. I said I was going to do that last week but I was busy getting sloshed rescuing old ladies from rooftops (you’d think they’d know better since, you know, they’re old and supposedly wise, pffftt) and just didn’t get around to it. So today I may start. Or may not. I may just decide to start it tomorrow. Or maybe I’ll at least lay out the painting supplies and look at them sitting on the bedroom floor for a couple of days. You know, to get motivated. I’m a mental patient motivational speaker, so really, I should just speak to myself about this. However, I’m not listening to myself this morning. Or the child talking a mile a minute in my right ear. Does she ever stop? No. She even talks in her sleep. Oh, she leaves for school in about 30 minutes. Where’s my stop watch?

I went shopping with my girlfriend the other day. My husband loves it when I call her that because he thinks that means we ‘get it on’ as he puts it. Yes honey, that’s what it means. IN YOUR MIND. Anyway, we were at a women’s clothing store. And by women’s, I mean there’s nothing the least bit manly in the store. However, there was a 50-ish man there, trying on clothes. The women’s clothes. As in, the women’s clothes. As in, the women’s clothes. Yes, I’m serious. He wasn’t even in a changing room, just standing around the racks of women’s clothes, putting on shirts etc over top of his own clothes. Did I mention they were women’s clothes? Whatever floats your feminine side mister. The women working there were just standing around like it’s an every day occurance, for some dude to be in there trying to find that perfect outfit for the office.

I really should go make my daughter’s lunch for school. It would require me getting off of my ass and going to the kitchen 2 feet away but that seems like alot of work. And I’m all ready booked up for the day, you know, thinking about doing that painting downstairs. However, Miss Never Stops Talking is talking and wanting me to hurry up so we can leave so she can get to the playground to show off her ability on the monkey bars. I’m off, but I will be back to let you know how the thinking about painting went. Happy Monday because it is Monday here. If you’re past Monday, can’t help ya.

Posted by Sassy @ 9:17 amJust Stuff.,Nonsense2 comments  






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