Mama, do you know anyone with an unibrow?
What?
A unibrow.
Where did you hear that?
I dunno. I just know that a unibrow is like one giant eyebrow. They look kinda gross.
Ah ya kinda.
So do you know anyone with one?
No.
Oh.
Where in hell my 7 year old heard of unibrows, I have no idea. Well gotta go mow tweeze my eyebrows.
…shit? Nope. Chris. Chris Crocker. If you haven’t seen THIS yet, perhaps you’ve been under a rock or have been busy staring at my picture and the rest of the world has passed you by. I can see that happening. Anyway, crazy Crocker boy was featured on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night and I thought Jimster’s (that’s what I call him, we’re tight like that) comments were hilarious. He’s not quite as funny as me, but then again, we can’t have everything can we? No. Just thought I’d share that bit of info. I love being helpful in any way that I’m able. I can feel your appreciation eminating from all the way over there to here. Wherever you are.
My daughter was showcasing her many purses to her father this morning and he didn’t think a 7 year old girl really needs that many handbags and she informed him, that she will be purchasing more at a later date. I say, get used to it, she’s a girl who inherited her mother’s unhealthy obsession for purses and shoes. It’s genetic. She can’t help it. Anyhoo, she pulled out some play money out of one of them and I thought it was helpful that the manufacturer had printed a big SPECIMAN across the bills. I know I often get play money confused with the real thing, hence all my embarrassing moments while trying to pay for shit. What do you mean I can’t pay for my house with this????? More companies should print warnings on their play money. Bastards.
My husband and I had bought a couple of cases of bottled water a few weeks back. We have another complete kitchen downstairs, so we keep extra food and drinks in the fridge down there. I had put some of the bottled water in the downstairs fridge and after the water up here was gone, went to get some of it to bring upstairs. I noticed that the seals were broken on the bottles. I asked my kids if they had opened them. Indeed they did. They dumped out all of the bottled water and replaced it with our tap water, which is fine to drink, but umm, that’s not the point, is it? No. They also made mommy some ‘gatorade’. How? It’s an easy recipe actually. You take many Mr Freeze freezies and let them thaw on the kitchen counter for an hour or so. You then take some scissors and cut them open and pour the now thawed sticky liquid into the empty bottled water bottles and put the covers on. You then put the bottles back in the fridge. Then you wait until your mother finds them and has a breakdown thanks you profusely. See? Easy.
I have to paint the bedroom downstairs. I do not like painting. At all. I have nightmares about it and perhaps THIS could be one reason why. I usually end up wearing alot of paint, no matter how carefully I plan things out. Painting, plus me, don’t mix. Don’t paint and drive I say. Or something like that. I think maybe I should wear cling wrap or something so I don’t ruin more clothes. Or just paint naked. Now there’s an idea. Maybe my ASS could help me paint. Might as well make it useful for something. I mean it just sits there normally. See that? That was sorta pun-ish. I’m a wordsmith champion and you shouldn’t mess with me.
I must leave the internet for now. Martha Stewart is coming up on The View and I want to punch my tv in the face. Oh the day in the life of me. Busy busy busy.
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