November 28, 2007

A couple of Sassy haters commenters at my new job site, told me today that I should stop trying to be Perez Hilton. I wasn’t aware that I was trying to be an overweight, blue haired man, but gosh, thanks for putting me in check. Plus he’s got a penis (I’m assuming) and I don’t (fact). As well, we all know that Perez is such a great writer and oh so funny. That’s sarcasm incase you missed it, by the way (they didn’t get it, so I’m helping them out). I, apparently, am not allowed to use sarcasm, because, I guess Hilton invented it? Ya okay. I’m older than PH, so if anyone invented sarcasm, it was me.

I get such a kick out of people who get all bent outta shape about celeb sites. They get all defensive and act like they actually know the celebrity and take it personally. I get paid to write about celebs and if I feel like making fun of them, well guess what? I’m gonna do it. To date, I’ve been called a retard, incompetent, a woman who MUST be married to a black man (still trying to figure out what that’s supposed to mean), been told I should marry Paul McCartney if I love him so much (um, nope I don’t), been SCREAMED AT (you know, hollered at with caps on) for being a “Britney hater,” told to stop being so mean to Celine Dion’s son because he has long hair-that’s all I said, was that he has long hair and my own son has long hair and gets called a girl all the time, so bite me.

I’ve been told I suck, I’m a loser and now, I need to stop trying to be Perez. My heart aches, oh yes, for real. And by my heart aches, I say bring it. I could care less, what you think of me because quite honestly, you don’t know me. I will say that I’ve received MANY nice comments, telling me how witty I am and those people are obviously the smart ones. Very smart. Call me, we’ll do lunch. So to the people who like to trash me and my stories. Yawn.

In other, exciting news, is it the new year yet? I feel like I’ve been in the Christmas time warp because we’ve done everything so early this year. Our tree is up, shopping done and wrapped and under the tree, and since I don’t do any holiday baking, that’s just one more thing I don’t have to do. And yet, it’s not even quite December and I’m wondering if Christmas is over. I may start a holiday countdown or something. Wait. Nah, that’s too much work. I got things I have to get done, like not being Perez Hilton.

November 13, 2007

Chris, who by the way, thinks I’m perfect (ya), wanted me to update because she was making her bloggy rounds. Natually, I’m willing to oblige her. Yes, I’m awake now and have been for quite some time. I woke at 5am and never really got back to sleep, which sort of sucks.

I have so much to do today and barely know where to begin, plus my daughter is home sick so that sort of throws a wrench into things. She’s comfortably watching tv right now, and not barfing, and for that, I’m thankful. Cleaning puke wasn’t on my ‘to do’ list for this morning and I’d like to keep it that way.

We did more Christmas shopping on the weekend and I love that we are getting close to being done. I’m sure you’re thrilled for me. My husband told my oldest boys they could shop for me at the ‘Love Stop’ or ‘Adult Source’. Nice huh? He’s such a comedian, makes me want to kick him in the balls laugh so hard. I told them, if I see any sort of funky looking box, weird or oblong shapes, I’m not even opening it and they may get a punch in the face. I had a friend back in high school, who played a joke on me…let’s just say it involved the public and ‘good vibrations’. I never want to re-visit that memory thank you very much.

Well, this is short, sweet and boring but I gotta run and get my shiznat done. Chris, I hope you’re happy that I updated just for you and I’ll expect some $20’s in a plain white envelope. Ah, with my name and address on it. And a stamp. Cheery-o all. Peace out. See ya. Smell ya later. What, am I 12? Yes, in my mind I am.

November 10, 2007

It’s past 1am Saturday morning and I’m still sitting here. Why? I should clarify that I’ve not been sitting here since Friday. I do get off my ass and actually get things done. Such as? I don’t remember, but I think it was important. I’ll get some sleep at some point, like WHEN I’M DEAD. However, I don’t think I’ll enjoy quite as much as I do now.

I still have my job by the way, incase you were wondering. It really is a hoot getting to write about Britney Spears and how she must have mashed potatoes for brains. I write about other ‘celebs’ too but BS (ha, nice initials, very appropriate) is my all time favourite. She’s just so easy. Ain’t that the truth? Getting paid to make fun of celebrities is kinda mean the best thing EVER but a girl’s gotta make enough dough to keep her shoe fetish going a living right?

I’ve been listening to my boyfriend’s new song lately and my grown boys hate it. They trash my insane ridiculous fantasy that only a crazy person would dream about man every chance they get but what do they know? They think the sounds of their farts are ‘music’, so there you go, not taking any music advice from them.

Did you realize that Christmas is like 50 some odd days away? Or maybe it’s less. I dunno and I’m not getting up to look at the calendar or count it out in my head. That would require way too much effort which I just don’t have time for. Anyway, I’m about half done my Christmas shopping and what I do have bought, is all wrapped. How sick is that? That’s so sick, it’s awesome. My youngest son is wanting to put up Christmas decorations like now, but I’m going to try to hold him off for at least another 2 weeks, which is probably pointless because he’ll wear me down. He’s very persistant at times. Wish me luck.

My husband and oldest son are going to a hockey game tomorrow night. Battle of Alberta…Calgary Flames and Edmonton soilers Oilers, so it should be a good game. My son, however, doesn’t know that he’s going yet. My husband is surprising him at the last minute. I wanted to go but since my child has tattooed the Flames logo on his arm, I’m thinking he’s probably more of a hockey fan than I am. I might get edgy and draw their symbol with a Sharpie on my face but that’s as far as I’m willing to go. I’ll just stay home and eat way too much Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked read the dictionary like I do every Saturday night.

I’m heading to bed now so I should say good night. By heading to bed, I mean my ass is going to sit her for at least another hour. Sweet dreams.

November 1, 2007

Edit: Wanted to include a “picture” of Karen and I, as coworkers on the site-aren’t we cute? Of course, duh!

Not just any job, a writing job. Writing! I love to eat, sleep and watch tv too but don’t get paid for that write, it’s one of my great passions (of course along with photography), you know, besides Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked icecream.

So where am I working? Let me tell you the whole story. Get popcorn and a drink because you’re gonna be here awhile or bored and you might as well keep busy with food and drink.

One of my super best friends Karen called me on Monday. I was busy sleeping curing some disease when the phone rang. She told me that one of the writers where she writes left the job and wanted to know if I was interested in the position. Well hells bells. Yes!

She then tells me to write to the ‘boss man’ and ‘be funny’. Well that’s not gonna happen easy because I’m funny 24/7, even while sleeping, so that’s not difficult at all to achieve. I write an email to apply for the position, and I’d like to believe I was offered the job less than 24 hours later because the boss thought I was rivoting, couldn’t take his eyes off of my email sorta deal. Or, it may be, because they were desperate for another writer and desperation makes people do things they wouldn’t normally do, like hiring me. Either way, I got the job!

You can find me at Babble (Fame Crawler) and if you want to read any of my stories, I’m giving you my blessing to do so (aren’t I sweet?) (No seriously, read them. Please?). You can also read my co worker’s stories too-’The Lead Blogger’, ‘The Caffeinated’, ‘The Gossip Whore’, ‘The Brat (Karen, the awesome chick who recommended me), and me, again, this is all about me, ‘The Princess’ (Sassy Smith).

Aren’t you just so excited for me? I, um, actually get paid for writing about celebs and I don’t have to be nice when I’m writing about them either, although I can’t really swear or call their kids ugly but I can so get past that. Can you even imagine my excitement? Let’s just say my excitement is annoying my family, it’s that good.

A big thank you to Karen, Whit and Ada for helping me get started (Karen said she was so happy I wasn’t a tool, ha) and to my fellow co-workers, who welcomed me aboard. I was going to send you all cash as a thank you, but that’s tacky. Instead, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug, from me to you. Aren’t I thoughtful? Yes, of course I am.