Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for April, 2008

April 20, 2008

How to guarantee a spot in your mother’s will.

I should have known better when I looked in the bathroom cabinet, that the box was empty. I thought it was a brand new box. When I opened it and realized, to my horror, that it indeed was empty, panic set in. I run downstairs and my oldest son is sitting on the couch, watching television. I begin my schpeal.

You know what brings a mother and a son closer together?

Um, no?

And it also guarantees a spot in her will.

Um, okay? What?

They will know it’s not for you.

Who? What?

I need something from the store.

Okay, what?

You like driving your new car right?

Right.

Well then, here’s a perfect opportunity for you to drive that shiney new car.

Wanna spill it already?

I need tampons.

Oh no, that’s not happenin’.

But I need them.

I don’t buy those for anyone. No way.

The cashier will assume they’re for someone other than you – you know since you don’t have a vagina.

Not doing it. I will drive Matt over and he can go in.

Fine then.

I approach my youngest son and ask him if he could run down and tell Matt to come upstairs, that it’s an emergency. He jumps up and races down to get Matt.

Matt comes running up, a look of panic on his face. I begin my schpeal with him.

You know what brings a mother and a son closer together?

Uh, no?

When a son walks into a store and buys his gorgeous (just adding an adjective for a more interesting story) mother a box of tampons.

OMG.

What?

Geez, Ryan came downstairs and said there was an emergency – I ran up here thinking someone was, I dunno, bleeding!

*Crickets* The room went silent.

He soon realized that his words, couldn’t have been more true. I assured him, that he’s definitely in my will.

Posted by Sassy @ 12:49 pmEmbarrassing,Kids11 comments  

April 14, 2008

Teri Hatcher is a shitty singer.

If you missed Teri Hatcher’s rendition of Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats,” thank your lucky stars. Your ears will praise you. If you were unlucky enough to hear it (why oh why did I click it?), then you will now know that she is a horrible singer. True, I’ve probably heard worse via American Idol tryouts, but seriously, Teri needs to stick with the acting – because, ya, she’s the best actress there is.

Most people I know, who’ve listened to or saw Hatcher’s performance on Idol Gives Back, thought she sucked. I’d have to agree. Every blog or celebrity site I’ve read, came to that same conclusion. However, there is at least one person on the planet who thinks “she was pretty good.” Ya, that’d be my husband.

Mr.Man has a boner for Teri Hatcher, but still, I was sure when he actually listened and watched her performance, he’d agree with the masses – that Teri should never pick up a microphone and sing in public. Ever.

But nope, he only had positive, nice things to say, such as:

She’s pretty good, stayed in key the whole time (Yes, her voice was like liquid gold and that’s why she’s famous for her singing – oh she’s not famous for her fantastic singing? My mistake)

She’s not a professional singer but did fine for not really having any training (Uh huh)

I’ve heard worse, but really, she wasn’t bad at all (I’ve heard worse too – Teri Hatcher, ha)

I don’t know why people are saying she sucked (Uh because she did?)

Listen, I’m not stupid – had she been 5000 lbs of jiggly fat, hairy, sporting a thick mustache, had huge pit stains on her blouse and farted live on stage, then he’d say she sucked, no doubt about it, even if the “quality” of her performance was exactly the same. But since he’s got the hots for her, ya, “she was pretty good.” Ha, men. Soooo transparent.

And just incase you missed it, here’s Teri in her full singing glory – note: You MAY want to wear earplugs or pray beforehand that your ears don’t bleed.

Posted by Sassy @ 10:23 amEmbarrassing,I want to Punch You in the Neck,I'm Dead From Laughing.3 comments  






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