Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
I hate being pregnant.

April 10, 2008

Or should I say I hated being pregnant? Ya, because I’m currently not pregnant nor will I ever be again.

I recently wrote this for work (Tori Spelling gushing about loving being preggo, blah blah) and I mentioned at the end of the post, that I must be the only woman in the world who hated being pregnant, but to my surprise, I’m not alone.

I was obviously happy to be having a child and not to dismiss the fact that I was lucky enough to conceive a few times, as some women aren’t, I’m not trying to sound ungrateful, it’s just that I didn’t get the warm fuzzy feelings that alot of women get when they’re preggo.

Some women gush about how they love their bodies, they’ve never looked better, feel fantastic, yada yada yada, and if that’s how you feel when you’re with child, fabulous, more power to you. I never did. I never felt glowy (although people told me I was), I did NOT like my pregnant body and although I didn’t gain more than 16 pounds in any of my pregnancies, I always felt fat, bloated and yucky. I did have great hair though, so that’s one nice thing.

I remember when I was pregnant with my first son, I was 19, newly single and had not a frigging clue what to expect. Sure, I knew how people got pregnant (duh), knew the technical stuff about actually giving birth, realized that I’d be shaped like some dude with skinny legs and a beer gut, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I had gone shopping – I was about 7 or 8 months along at that point – and found the cutest peach colored loafers (sure peach coloured loafers now, sound hideous, but this was the 80′s k?) and didn’t even bother to try them on – I was always a size 6.5 or 7, so never any need to try shoes on. I get them home and excitedly take them out of the bag and want to wear them out that night (was going to a movie with a friend) and low and behold, the fuckers don’t fit my feet. What? I immediately look inside the shoes at the size stamped on the side – 7. Again, I try to put my foot in, and nope, that puppy ain’t going in. I take a good look at my feet and realize that they’re SWOLLEN. No one told me that pregnant chicks get swollen feet! I start crying, going on and on how I’ll never wear a size 7 shoe or smaller again. My life was ruined. Never mind the fact that I was about to have a baby at 19 and single, living with my parents, MY DAMN SHOES DON’T FIT. Priorities people, priorities. I vowed then and there, that someday I would wear those peach loafers (oh I did wear them btw – the day I left the hospital).

Other things I didn’t know about being pregnant (at 19) – you don’t get alot of sleep in the latter stages of your pregnancy. Who knew? Strangers come up to you and mention that you look a tad too young to be having a baby and ask personal questions, like are you married (I was separated), do you have a job (I did), are you going to breastfeed? (that’s your business?), do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl (it’s one or the other, yup), can I touch your belly? (um, no), do you have a name picked out? (no), will you have more? (I haven’t even had this one yet) – amazing what people you don’t know, think they’re entitled to know.

Other things I had no idea would happen (again when I was 19) – as I was peeing at around 2 a.m., the pee just kept coming out (ah in the toilet, luckily) and it was sorta freaking me out. After a good two minutes, it clicked that my water had broken. I grab a towel and make it like a diaper and run and get my parents, tell them it’s “time.” My contractions were about every 3 or 4 minutes, and I actually took the time to sit in my room, in front of my big mirror and carefully apply full makeup. Foundation, eye shadow, mascara, blush, lipgloss – the full shebang. I even curled my hair – I mean no one told me that I’d end up looking like a drowned sewer rat after 8 long hours of labour and that hair and makeup is really not required when giving birth.

The best part though – was as I was being wheeled into the delivery room (yes way different back then, you laboured in one room and were carted off to another room to actually give birth), I was asked by a doctor if it would be okay to have some med students watch and take notes? I was high on Demerol, so I naturally said sure. I remember being pretty much stoned, but yet seeing about 5 med students with clipboards and pens, staring at my vagina. One of them was super cute, that I do recall very distinctly. And the next day, as I’m laying in my hospital bed, that same cute dude accompanies the doctor making his rounds. and although his face was in my privates the day before (and um, not in a good way), I totally wanted to ask him out. I bet he would have said yes.

It’s amazing that I went on to have more kids, and although my life circumstances did improve – I still hated being pregnant all the other times too. The heartburn, the feeling like someone (uh the baby?) was pressing on your bladder 24/7, the impossibilty of trying to find that perfect sleeping position, the morning sickness for SEVEN MONTHS, the fear that your water would break in the mall, the bizarre food cravings – how I do not miss those days. Sure I liked getting the cute baby after all of that torture, but the pregnancy itself? Never liked it. Not. one. little. bit.

Posted by Sassy @ 11:14 amJust Stuff.,Kids5 comments  

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5 Responses to “I hate being pregnant.”

  1. Did you not get the HORRIBLE leg cramps? Or did you forget? That’s funny, you put on your makeup! I wore make-up back then, but didn’t put it on, I had c-sections so I don’t think they’d let you anyway. I had to take my contacts out, too.
    I did not like being pregnant either. I gained 43 lbs. both times!

  2. I HATED being pregnant. When my second came out, sadly I screamed “I am never doing that again!” And I got spayed.

  3. Oh yes, how could I forget the joy of leg cramps?! That was AWESOME. Ha!

  4. I am pregnant now and hate every damn minute of it not to mention that I have a 10 month old that is getting on my damn nerves. I can’t sleep, she won’t let me sleep. The heartburn is murder, half the time I refuse to eat. I told myself that I would starve until this creature stops invading me. On top of that I am a housewife with a husband that works every now and then so I’m cleaning up all day every day. I hate everybody in my house. They don’t help me do anything. Gawd, I’m so unhappy. I’m here, but I’m not. I do my job clean like I’m suppose to, pick up everything thats been dropped throughout the day since no else will. I ignore the crap out of them wishing I was somewhere else. Men don’t have a damn clue as to how hard it is to be a woman.

  5. [...] the first part of July, I was so sick of being pregnant, I decided to become creative and make the baby fall out. Yes, I seriously thought babies could [...]

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