Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Going From One To Two – Easy.

May 4, 2008

Are you a parent going from “child” to “children?” If so, read, on.

Her Bad Mother, Mrs Chicky and Mrs Chicken are doing just that and I’m going to offer some advice on how to make that transition as easy as possible.

Sure, this “advice” might not seem very conventional, but I guarantee you’ll want to use it.

Ear plugs. Invest in some. Of course you can’t ignore baby’s cries, but once the second baby becomes a toddler, and your older child is not quite a toddler, you’ll want them. When the fighting over the Cheerios starts, the “she/he touched me,” the meltdowns from not one child but two, you will want those ear plugs. Home Depot or Walmart.

A good lock for your bathroom door. Again, we’re basing this on, when your children are slightly older (because ignoring a screaming baby is, uh, wrong, I’m pretty sure). When they’ve spilled cereal on the floor, taken markers to your freshly painted walls (uh, well not that you’ll have time to paint, but in the event that you do), when the youngest has licked the dog bowl, and when the older child has put daddy’s underwear on the younger child’s head, you head for the bathroom, LOCK THE DOOR, and start running the water in the tub. No – not to clean the kids up – it’s for you. Your TWO children will come pounding on the door, but you “can’t hear them due to the running water.” It gives you a few minutes to get your wits about you, get clean in the process and feel free to also use those ear plugs in combination with the running water excuse.

Wine. You don’t drink? Oh you’ll want to start. Of course the wine drinking should probably come in after you’re done breastfeeding your child and I don’t recommend getting sloshed while caring for your children, but a slight buzz every now and then does help you to retain some of your sanity. Now you’ll have lost some of whatever sanity you did have left during the second time giving birth, trying to juggle a toddler and a newborn and one child screaming that he or she pooped on the cat and a crying infant, demanding to be fed NOW, but you’ll want to preserve whatever sane brain cells you have left. Remember – slight buzz perfectly acceptable.

Demand that your husband/SO/partner have his cell phone on at all times, even during his important business meetings. There will be times when you’ll need to call him and ask him to GET HIS MOTHER EFFING ASS HOME NOW BEFORE I KILL SOMEONE. Think of it as your own personal “help line.” Trust me, he’ll want the mother of his children to be as happy as possible if he ever plans to get laid again.

Chocolate. Have a few pieces of chocolate hidden around the home. You’ll be out of wine at some point and you’ll want a backup. Be sure to put some in your closet – you will find yourself hidding in there periodically.

Bleach. To clean up the crime scene. Oh no, no, no, not THAT kind of crime scene. The poop one. Your toddler will try to help you “change the baby” and this will happen when your infant has had an explosive poop – you remember those from your first child. It’s just now, it’s happening to your second child and your first child has decided to take little brother or sister’s diaper off (while you’ve left the room for those precious 10 seconds) and it’s turned into the most disgusting mess you’ve ever had to deal with to date. Probably should have a hose, gloves and bio-hazard suit thingy.

Headache pills. Self explanatory.

A good, trustworthy babysitter. You WILL want a night out. ALOT.

I hope I’ve not scared you. Seriously, it’s not that hard going from one to two. You’ll be slightly more on edge for the first few months with a second child, a little crazier overall, and have less thinking ability but there are good points too. I mean, twice the love and giggles, and once your second child is no longer a newborn, you will actually start to relax a bit. Remember when your first born used to suck on a pacifier and that pacifier fell on the floor or ground and you immediately grabbed a freshly boiled, sterilized one? Well those days are gone! With your second baby, you’ll wipe it off on your shirt and say, “listen kid, no one ever died from a little dirt.” See? More relaxed. And another good point – once you have two kids, it’s way easier to get on to the third, fourth or fifth. You’ll survive the hurdle of going from one to two, and if not, I hear prison is more like a swanky camp now.

Good luck, happy birthing, and congrats on going from A CHILD to CHILDREN.

Posted by Sassy @ 10:58 amKids5 comments  

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5 Responses to “Going From One To Two – Easy.”

  1. Excellent advice, all of it. And I am interviewing two potential babysitters tomorrow … my mama didn’t raise no fool. I had two siblings, and I learned from watching her that moms need a break. Thanks for playing!!

  2. Headache pills, indeed. And does it matter if I substitute vodka for that wine? Am thinking I might need a little more *oomph* in my liquor intake. ;)


  3. [...] to Station Wagons Mo-Wo and P-Man Lady M Assertagirl Don’t Gel Too Soon Fairly Odd Mother Oh.My.Gawd.Really. Mamalooper Plain Jane Mom misc & co. MOMMY 4-1-1 Urban Mummy temporarily me HONEA EXPRESS The [...]

  4. hilarious! I don’t drink, but since having another child I have definitely considered it. A lot! :)

  5. I think you summed it up perfectly! I definitely see a book deal in the works ;)

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