November 5, 2008

I should probably start this out by apologizing to the dude in the white coat from nearly 3 years ago. My husband and I were out of town and while walking through the mall, this happened to me and I wrote:

Oh and speaking of flat irons, as we were walking through the mall, I was stopped by a guy trying to sell flat irons. That curl. Lemme get this straight (no pun), you want me to buy a flat iron that curls my hair? My naturally curly hair? That I straighten. With a flat iron. I said to the guy, ‘Listen, I have straight hair as you can see but it’s naturally curly. So that means I own a flat iron. I don’t want a flat iron that can curl my hair since I have curly hair and want it straight, hence the flat iron. That flattens’. He looked at me like I had a dirty diaper on, outside of my jeans. Whatever Jack Doofus in your white lab coat that makes you NOT look like a doctor trying to sell people flat irons. That curl. Good luck.

I may have spoken too soon and I am going to eat my words. See, the other day, as I’m walking through the mall in my own city, a girl approaches me from a kiosk and she’s waving to the display of flat irons. I’m all set to give her the big, ‘no thanks, got myself a flat iron,’ speech and for whatever reason, I stop and listen to what she has to say. She tells me to sit down and asks me what kind of flat iron I have. I tell her I have a Chi. She tells me that Chi’s are good but they’re working on seven-year-old technology. Oh. Hm. She has my attention, sorta, but I’m not into slick sales people who think they’re smarter than I am. Don’t get me wrong, they could very well be smarter than I am, but I don’t like people who give me a ‘pitch.’ Anyway, girl says can I show you how this flat iron works? I agree and although my hair is already straight because I’d just done it a few hours earlier, I’m telling you the piece of hair that she ran through her iron - was way nicer than I could have imagined.

She said you only have to run your hair through it once and it’s pin-straight and super shiny. She wasn’t kidding. My hair is so thick, long, naturally curly, that it takes me an hour to flat iron my hair and I usually have to run the iron over and over and over it. It comes out nice and does look shiny but this was amazingly shiny and amazingly straight. A lot of amazing.

Then, sales girl says, ‘it also curls.’ I’m all set to laugh in her face, like dude, I have curly hair, why do I want a flat iron that curls? Makes no sense. But then, before I could get the words out, she takes a piece of my hair and curls it. Oh my god. I wanted to date my hair. I was stunned. Shocked. She saw the expression on my face - she knew I was in love and would purchase the flat iron that flat irons and curls. Her eyes turned to dollar signs and mine turned to my hair - where I fell in love with it. Okay, so that’s dumb, but really, I was impressed. Then, panic sets in. I’m thinking if this flat iron is a double whammy, then it’s got to be really expenisve. I gulped and asked her how much. She shows me the price on the box - $250.00. Lord, no way am I paying $250 bucks for a flat iron no matter how much it made me want to date my hair.

But then the world turned right again - she told me that’s how much they retail for but, they don’t sell them for that much and my hopes got all excited and shit. So, how much then? Would it be a price I could justify? Kinda - $130.00. Well now, I paid $135.00 for my Chi over 2 years ago, so hell ya, I’m willing to fork out a hundred thirty clams for something that is going to make me drool over my own hair! Confetti and balloons fell from the ceiling, people were clapping and half naked men started dancing for me. Okay, so that part was only in my head, but still, it was a great moment. I was so happy, that I rushed home to try my new lover out. I say lover in a pure way, not in a creepy, I need medication way. And guess what else? You can buy any color you want - even zebra stripes if that’s what floats yer boat. I opted for - ready? PINK.

Here is my new friend and her name is “amika,” and no, I didn’t make that up, it’s the brand. Isn’t she just beautiful?

And do you want to see what this lovely pink lady can do? Okay, I’m sort of weirding myself out calling my flat iron a ‘lovely pink lady,’ but I can’t help myself. This is how my hair turned out - I flat ironed it and then put some curl at the ends. The shine alone gives me goosebumps. Trust me - if you’re someone who has thick, coarse, semi-curly, super wavy hair - you’ll understand what it means to have shiny hair!

So, to the dude in the fake doctor coat in the mall almost 3 years ago, I’m sorry that I called you a dork (I’m not sure if I said it loud enough for you to hear, but still) for trying to sell me a flat iron that curls. Obviously I was wrong (happens once a year or so) and although I still think you need to lose the white lab coat, you aren’t a toolkit and I probably shouldn’t have punched you in the ass. Lawsuit still pending?

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19 Responses to “The.best.flat.iron.EVER.”

1. November 5th, 2008 at 9:08 am, Melizzard Says:

   OMG - Can you bring her over to my house so we can have a threesome! I bought a Chi last year and I get straight from it no problem but not the shiny and now I’m all drooly over the shiny!!!

2. November 5th, 2008 at 9:18 am, The Accidental Housewife Says:

   You hair is gorgeous! I have nappy hair, not curly not straight just frizzy and wild. I often have people on what I think is a “good hair day” say to me “I’m so sorry you’re having a bad hair day.” Yeah that bad.

   wonder if the straight iron that curls would do any good on my wild hair…

   To do list:
   Go to mall and see if I can find fake lab coat guy

3. November 5th, 2008 at 9:22 am, Sassy Says:

   Ya!!!! Threesome!!!! I’ll bring my pink lady…okay, I’m creeping myself out again.

4. November 5th, 2008 at 9:25 am, Sassy Says:

   Aw shucks, thanks - and you know, my hair can get frizzy too - I think it would work, worth a try! Trust me, I never thought I could have straight hair but my best friend did mine for the first time over 2 years ago (that’s what prompted me to go buy a flat iron) and she made me have “Jennifer Aniston hair.” I was in heaven. Sigh.

5. November 5th, 2008 at 12:50 pm, Karen Sugarpants Says:

   That thing looks like a dildo.

   You however, look pretty fucking hawt. But I love my Chi.

6. November 5th, 2008 at 3:18 pm, Leslie Says:

   it looks awesome, i’ve trying to look for a good flat iron my whole life…and still looking. But this one seems to do the work…BUT HOW MUCH IS IT $$$$$$$.

7. November 5th, 2008 at 3:40 pm, Sassy Says:

   Leslie, as I mentioned, I paid $130 (they normally go for around $250) BUT you can probably find the same one/brand on Ebay for less.

8. November 5th, 2008 at 6:20 pm, deb Says:

   Your hair is awesomely pretty! I also have thick, curly, frizzy hair that I have to flat iron. I am going to the mall tomorrow! How long does it take you to get it to look that wonderful??

9. November 5th, 2008 at 9:18 pm, valerie d Says:

   oh honey you have to get a GHD styler. I promise you it is worth every penny

10. November 5th, 2008 at 9:22 pm, Sassy Says:

    What is a GHD styler? What does it do? Will it make me breakfast in bed? LOL

11. November 5th, 2008 at 9:40 pm, MIRANDA Says:

    i have a keosecky hair straighner and omg i love it….i cant live without it..i love the look of yours..but id have to use it to beleve it was better thatn ma keo… =]

12. November 6th, 2008 at 12:49 am, Summer Says:

    I have one of those and I LOVVVE IT!!!
    It’s so funny ’cause your story is just like mine… as far as this flat iron goes. I got mine for $90 though and if I ever need a new one or want my hair done I just have to bring in my receipt! yay!!

    So yeah, its preetttty awesome!

13. November 6th, 2008 at 6:15 pm, jodi Says:

    Ok…I feel like the universe led me to your blog…whatever…my CHI was not working this morning…might have something to do with the fact that it melted its own cord the other day, but whatev…anyway, I need a new one. I have curly, thick hair that does well with the CHI…but I have to be skeptical of your shiny mall kiosk straightener. Please…tell me that you are still in love with it. I avoid the mall kiosk like the plague…since last Christmas, when I dropped a cool hunge on face and skin crap…
    Do you still love your straightener? Circle yes or no!!

14. November 6th, 2008 at 6:18 pm, Sassy Says:

    I circle YES - I loved my Chi (still have it) but I love this one MORE (sorry Karen, I didn’t mean to cheat on you). It straightens my hair way quicker and gives it the shine…oh how I love the shine!

15. November 6th, 2008 at 8:29 pm, Lunasea Says:

    Wow. I’m so low maintenance I paid less than $30 for my hair straightener, but your hair is gorgeous and makes me think I should be a wee bit more indulgent.

16. November 6th, 2008 at 8:34 pm, Sassy Says:

    Thanks Lunasea! My hair is my best asset, so I spoil it…lol

17. November 7th, 2008 at 7:53 am, Nancy Says:

    Your hair looks beautiful!

    I too have the pink Chi … but I guess I’ll have to check this amika out.

18. November 7th, 2008 at 4:27 pm, Christie Says:

    I have this HAIR, this horrible unmanageable hair, curly/wavy/coarse/dry. So! It’s impossible. I want this miracle worker of which you speak. I must find and purchase. ASAP.

19. November 8th, 2008 at 1:10 am, Georgette Says:

    I love it. Send it to me. So I can try it out. And maybe keep it.