Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Sloppy seconds…Sean Avery

December 3, 2008

By now you’ve heard what Dallas left wing player Sean Avery said on TV – if you haven’t, you can watch the video below. He sure is classy. Reminds me of…oh let’s see…6th grade.

Listen, I get it – some guys just can’t handle the fact that their girlfriends dump them – especially for another guy who happens to play in the same profession. Actress Elisha Cuthbert dumped Avery’s douchenozzle ass back in August of ’07 and she’s now dating Calgary Flames defenceman Dion Phaneuf (go Phaneuf!…yes he’s my second fav after Iggy) and while Sean views that as “sloppy seconds,” I say she’s moved up. Big time.

Obviously Avery wants the world to know he has a small penis. Now, technically, I’ve never seen his penis nor do I want to, but that’s what it amounts to. It’s the ‘my dick is bigger than your dick’ thing, which, when the guy going on and on about it, is obviously sporting a small wang (can you even call a small penis a wang? I think maybe you can’t…sorry Avery) and he has to get down and dirty to fight back. And poor Sean can’t even make up for his small dick (and balls I’m assuming too) with a winning personality – that’s shitty too.

Maybe we should have a pity party for Sean Avery. I mean he’s been suspended by the NHL indefinitely (now, I think that punishment might be a bit harsh, even though his comments were childish and petty, but that’s besides the point), he’s not man enough to keep his women (he was dating Rachel Hunter and after they broke up, she began dating and is now engaged to Los Angeles Kings player Jarret Stoll) and he’s got a crappy personality. Plus, he’s lacking in the looks department. Sure, he’s not as ugly as a can of smashed assholes, but see, when you have a douchey personality, people can’t see your looks. Even Brad Pitt’s looks level went down (not that Avery is a ‘brad pitt’, but you know what I mean) when he cheated on Jen but that’s another story. Okay, to be fair, Avery was on People’s 2007 Sexiest Man Alive list, but I’m pretty sure he was categorized under ‘sexiest assholes.’ Hey, assholes are people too right?

On a happy note for Avery, he is one of the most hated players in the league, so that’s something to hang on to. And with Tuesday night’s comments, it appears he’s hoping to keep that title. *Insert clapping here* Embrace what you can Sean! Woot!

So Avery, time to move on dude – Elisha has moved on (and up!!!) with Dion and he’s way more man than you’ll ever be.


Posted by Sassy @ 9:52 amEmbarrassing,White Trashy4 comments  

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4 Responses to “Sloppy seconds…Sean Avery”

  1. Haha that guy is totally white trash :P and you’re so right about the small wang thing, he just screams “jacked” in the man department.

  2. “Sure, he’s not as ugly as a can of smashed assholes…”

    OMG, I snort-laughed so hard when I read this line that I think I may have pulled something! LOL

  3. Well I aim to please. ;) Hope you didn’t pull your back…haha.

    Oh and he “apologized” – which translates to his rep wrote an “I’m sorry” on his behalf. Ha.

  4. omgs. http://ellz-really-needs-a-life.blogspot.com. you are in my blog :D
    & I ask people to buy your cafepress things :D
    and well, yay :D x

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