Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!
Michelle Duggar’s clown car vajayjay scares me.

December 23, 2008

My son Matt always says that when our family piles out of our vehicle, it’s like we’re climbing out of a clown car because we’re a family of six, which is considered a fairly big family. So when I think of TLC’s TV mom Michelle Duggar, I think of her vajayjay as a clown car that keeps on giving. I mean, not that I think of her nether regions a lot or even really at all, but knowing that she and her husband just welcomed their 18th child scares me. What scares me more, is they want more. More. Can you even imagine?

Sure, to each his own and all that shit, but how can one woman possibly enjoy being pregnant for over 135 months of her life? That’s how many months or there about, that Michelle Duggar has been pregnant. I was never a big fan of the whole pregnancy thing – of course I liked becoming a mother but uh, 18 times? No thanks. And they want more. More. Did I mention that?

Have you ever seen their show, which was called 17 Kids & Counting but will officially update to 18 Kids & Counting on Monday – it scares me too. I have four kids, two of them are grown and don’t even live with me but yet, there is still chaos in my home at times. Yes, I’m a fairly organized person but still, we live with noise, confusion, kids arguing, siblings not liking each other for at least 5 minutes of the day, someone stealing something of someone else’s, someone spilling something but yet no one did it, the cat’s food dish going empty for an hour, someone not flushing the toilet, and of course the occasional glass of spilled milk. There seems to be none of that at the Duggar home and there are now 20 of them – well oldest son Josh, is married and moved out – so technically 19 of them at home. That’s a lot of people and most of them are young – really young – and yet, everything seems to be so orderly.

I get the fact that you have to be super organized with such a large family but my god, do their kids ever fight? Punch each other? Dunk someone’s head in the toilet? Throw a tantrum? Call each other a stupid head? No? That must only happen in my less than perfect household.

When Michelle Duggar told Ann Curry on the Today Show (when asked if they’d have more and when is it ‘too many’ kids) that saying too many kids is like saying there are too many flowers, I thought I’d have a stroke. Does she know how many flowers there are in the world? Or does she mean just having lots of kids in the world is a good thing in general or did she mean she was going to pop them out until her womb closes up shop for good or runs away screaming. I’m surpised her uterus hasn’t said, “listen bitch, I’m done, I’ve had my fill, thank you very much, but I need a vacation. Over and out.” My uterus curls up in a ball and breaks out in a cold sweat when I mention the word ‘pregnancy’ and/or ‘Duggars’. I can only imagine what Michelle’s is thinking. It probably does a daily chant of “kill the eggs, kill the eggs,” or “let us pray that Jim Bob’s sperm supply shrivels up and dies very soon. Like yesterday already.”

Sure, sure, it’s wonderful that they have another beautiful baby girl and she’s healthy and blah blah blah, but does this woman ever get tired? She always seems so calm and collected and unstressed. You should see me running around in the mornings trying to get my youngest two off to school. And honestly, where in the bloody hell do Jim Bob and Michelle find the time to have sex? They don’t seem like the type to sneak off behind the barn for a noon quickie (assuming they have a barn somewhere on their property). Maybe they go off in the soup isle in their at home grocery store. I dunno.

Just once I’d love to see Michelle pulling her hair out because one of her ‘jaybies’ (all the kids’ names begin with J….don’t even get me started on that) has tried to flush the cat down the toilet, another has dumped a box of cereal into the bed of another child, one has peed on the floor in the closet, another kid is screaming that his crayon broke and he needs it fixed now or he’s going to keep screaming, one of the teens says that life isn’t fair because it sux!, another teen is not understanding why she can’t wear the hoochie skirt that all of her friends get to wear, and Jim Bob is feeling neglected and wants a little action but he forgot to take the trash out and Michelle is holding out until he gets the whole concept of ‘choreplay’ and then maybe she’ll put out, right after she puts away the 12 loads of laundry she just folded and gets the toilets scrubbed and does the floors. Why, oh why can’t I see that?

No instead, we get to see perfect order, no chaos, everyone is lovely to the other and birds chirp, choirs sing and harps play as the Duggar parents say how they’d definitely love to go for baby # 19.

Oh, there goes my uterus, getting all scared and cowering.

Posted by Sassy @ 4:16 amKids,Television Drivel8 comments  

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8 Responses to “Michelle Duggar’s clown car vajayjay scares me.”

  1. 0.0 Surely she doesnt own a vajayjay anymore and its just turned into a breeding ground? :|

  2. How much of that show is true, do you think? Or how many of the kids actually know who the parents are? Do the older kids have a life or are they the ones responsible for the younger ones? Is it fair to them?

    Doesn’t look to me like Michelle holds out anytime to good ole Jim Bob…

    trishk’s last blog post..If Some People Had Their Way…

  3. OMG, I was rolling! I so feel you on this topic! I love my kids, but I think the twins have cured me of wanting to try for another round of two for one…

    Moira’s last blog post..Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister

  4. I wonder how much she is going to freak out mentally when she goes through menopause and isn’t able to have any more children. I mean, the woman has been pregnant for more than half her life, hasn’t she?

    Sheila’s last blog post..ChipIn

  5. LOVE the new design! [Well it's new to me, I've been reading through Google Reader and didn't see it til now].

    And 18 kids? HOLY CRAP? How the hell is that humanly possible? Shouldn’t your vajayjay like deflate or something after the 10th??

    Sarcastica’s last blog post..Well THAT Wasn’t Very Nice

  6. LOL @ deflate – I can only imagine what it looks like. Wait, why am I picturing Michelle Duggar’s vagina?

  7. I agree! I’ve never seen those kids fight, even once. How creepy is that! It does bug me too how all the boys where the same polo shirt, albeit in different colors. The kids seem happy, but still, if one ever goes over the deep end and heads out into the real world, they will sink, not swim!

    Lisa’s last blog post..Update from Reggie’s V-E-T visit….

  8. It’s like a cult or something…seriously.
    And when do these two have time to have sex? Do they do it while she’s doing laundry?
    And WHY does she still want to?
    And WHY does he still want to? Don’t you think it would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway…

    Linda’s last blog post..Delurking Day

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