Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for March, 2009

March 18, 2009

Two weeks of vomit & 8,000 loads of laundry.

My washer and dryer have been my best friends for the last two weeks. My youngest son was sick and missed a lot of school. He, however, didn’t miss the bathroom floor, the walls, the carpet and his bed. When he’s sick, it’s worse than usual because of his sensory and tactile issues.

When he was an infant and toddler, he would vomit 25 times a day or more – a lot of things would set him off. The way something felt on his skin, if he got a hair on his hand, touching his bare feet on the grass, a certain noise – you name it, he’s probably puked because of it. Even now, as a kid of almost 13, he can still have episodes of vomiting without much provocation, although it’s way less frequent now. So, when he’s sick and puking from a stomach virus, he gets grossed out that he’s thrown up, thus making him throw up some more. See where I’m going with this? Ya, welcome to my world for nearly 14 days.

He finally went back to school on Tuesday but still wasn’t 100%. He was pale and although his fever had gone, he said he still felt “funny.” He sometimes has a hard time articulating what exactly is wrong with him, so I have to play 20 questions with him to get a sense of what he’s feeling. That’s not always fun either. I get a lot of ‘I don’t knows’ lemme tell you. But, it’s been a little over 24 hours since he barfed, which makes me happy for him and happy for me and I’m sure my washer and dryer thank me, too. His appetite isn’t back to normal, but then his eating habits aren’t normal either, so it’s just another version of what are we going to feed the kid today? That’s another whole post, for which I’ll regale you with at a later time.

My kids will be done school tomorrow and then be home for the next ten days – spring break is here. Can’t wait, yay, horror… I mean hooray, I can’t wait to hear my daughter tell me how bored she is 350 times a day. So excited! Luckily, my son is very good at keeping busy and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say he’s bored, so that’s a plus. And I can sort of sleep in, which will be nice. So, I guess spring break isn’t all bad. Mostly torture for parents, but it has some good points – well, two. Sleeping in and not rushing around at the ass crack of dawn.

Let’s hope the break is barf free. Thx.

Posted by Sassy @ 4:26 pmKids,Semi SeriousNo comments  

March 13, 2009

JLo makes my chest glitter.

So, ya, can’t believe I’m going to admit this to the five people thousands who adore me, but here goes.

A few weeks ago, I was shopping and wanted to buy some new perfume. I like having different options – sort of like my obsession with handbags, you know, you want different looks for different days of the week and so forth. Same goes for scent – some days you may want to smell flowery, others, you may want to smell like onions. You get my drift.

I see all sorts of fragrance bottles – Paris Hilton even has her own stink (that’s for you Karl) and as I’m browsing, looking at all of the choices before me, something catches my eye. It’s in a black box with a sparkling silver cover. It’s JLo’s “Glow” and surprisingly, it smelled nice. In the box, besides the perfume, there was a purse-sized roll-on “JLo Glow After Dark” and scented cream. It was reasonably priced, so I bought it.

Later that evening, we were going out for supper and after I showered, I decided I’d wear my new perfume and try out the cream. I am a freak about moisturizing and hope to have subtle skin well into my 80s. Sure, I’m probably delusional, but that’s another story. I rub the cream all over my neck, chest, arms and legs (and maybe other areas, but this is not that kind of post) and spray some of the perfume. I decided to wear a semi-low cut blouse (not trashy, because I don’t do slutty and my kids, particularly my grown sons, would be terribly grossed out. Pam Anderson’s fashion sense I do not have), put on my pants, jewelry, and I’m ready. Of course I’m making it sound like it was a time frame of about five minutes, but technically, it was more like 2 hours. What can I say? I’m a girlie wench.

We arrived at the restaurant, and while we’re waiting to be seated, I take off my coat. I’m sitting there, minding my own damn business, when one of my adult sons, clears his throat and says:

I don’t mean to be creepy and I wasn’t looking, but it’s kind of hard not to notice – why is your cleavage glittering?

My cleavage is glittering?

Yeah.

Um, seriously?

Yeah.

My family starts laughing. Not sure how I didn’t notice my chest glittering before we left, but somehow I missed it. I looked down and yup, I was covered in glitter. All over my arms, hands, neck, chest and boobage area. Luckily, I was wearing pants and shoes, so at least my legs and feet were saved from the embarrassment.

When we got home, I checked the cream container and sure enough, it reads ‘night glow body lotion’ which apparently means CONTAINS A SHITLOAD OF GLITTER. The ‘night glow’ must mean, when you’re in a low-lit area such as the restaurant we were in, the glitter really pops out. Needless to say, I was slightly horrified.

Did I throw it out? Hell no, I’m wearing it again tonight. That’s the way I roll folks, that’s the way I roll.

Thank you, Jennifer Lopez, for making my chest glitter.

Posted by Sassy @ 7:10 pmEmbarrassing,Glamourous6 comments  






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