March 13, 2009
So, ya, can’t believe I’m going to admit this to the five people thousands who adore me, but here goes.
A few weeks ago, I was shopping and wanted to buy some new perfume. I like having different options – sort of like my obsession with handbags, you know, you want different looks for different days of the week and so forth. Same goes for scent – some days you may want to smell flowery, others, you may want to smell like onions. You get my drift.
I see all sorts of fragrance bottles – Paris Hilton even has her own stink (that’s for you Karl) and as I’m browsing, looking at all of the choices before me, something catches my eye. It’s in a black box with a sparkling silver cover. It’s JLo’s “Glow” and surprisingly, it smelled nice. In the box, besides the perfume, there was a purse-sized roll-on “JLo Glow After Dark” and scented cream. It was reasonably priced, so I bought it.
Later that evening, we were going out for supper and after I showered, I decided I’d wear my new perfume and try out the cream. I am a freak about moisturizing and hope to have subtle skin well into my 80s. Sure, I’m probably delusional, but that’s another story. I rub the cream all over my neck, chest, arms and legs (and maybe other areas, but this is not that kind of post) and spray some of the perfume. I decided to wear a semi-low cut blouse (not trashy, because I don’t do slutty and my kids, particularly my grown sons, would be terribly grossed out. Pam Anderson’s fashion sense I do not have), put on my pants, jewelry, and I’m ready. Of course I’m making it sound like it was a time frame of about five minutes, but technically, it was more like 2 hours. What can I say? I’m a girlie wench.
We arrived at the restaurant, and while we’re waiting to be seated, I take off my coat. I’m sitting there, minding my own damn business, when one of my adult sons, clears his throat and says:
I don’t mean to be creepy and I wasn’t looking, but it’s kind of hard not to notice – why is your cleavage glittering?
My cleavage is glittering?
Yeah.
Um, seriously?
Yeah.
My family starts laughing. Not sure how I didn’t notice my chest glittering before we left, but somehow I missed it. I looked down and yup, I was covered in glitter. All over my arms, hands, neck, chest and boobage area. Luckily, I was wearing pants and shoes, so at least my legs and feet were saved from the embarrassment.
When we got home, I checked the cream container and sure enough, it reads ‘night glow body lotion’ which apparently means CONTAINS A SHITLOAD OF GLITTER. The ‘night glow’ must mean, when you’re in a low-lit area such as the restaurant we were in, the glitter really pops out. Needless to say, I was slightly horrified.
Did I throw it out? Hell no, I’m wearing it again tonight. That’s the way I roll folks, that’s the way I roll.
Thank you, Jennifer Lopez, for making my chest glitter.
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March 14th, 2009 at 7:11 am, Jen
Says:
Oohhh!! I want some! I LOVE glittery boobage!
Jen’s last blog post..The Cat Says Moo
March 14th, 2009 at 2:22 pm, Linda
Says:
J LO did not make my chest glitter because I didn’t get the lotion-BUT she did make me smell well when I bought the perfume. It was on the clearance aisle at Target. I only bought it because I thought the bottle was pretty and it was CHEAP!! Surprisingly enough it was a smell that I really like.
You hit the jackpot!
Linda’s last blog post..Shopping
March 16th, 2009 at 6:35 pm, Stacie Haight Connerty
Says:
Hey save a little for the next time you have a gyn appointment. They’ll appreciate the extra effort!
Love, Your Stalker
March 18th, 2009 at 4:28 pm, Sassy
Says:
@ Jen – at first it mortified me that my chest was glittering, then it was OK..lol
March 18th, 2009 at 4:28 pm, Sassy
Says:
@ Linda – I know, cheap and smelled nice…SWEET!
March 18th, 2009 at 4:29 pm, Sassy
Says:
@ My stalker (I feel so important, I mean not EVERYONE can say they have a stalker..haha). Yes, I’m sure my doctor would appreciate my nether regions all sparkly and glittery..