June 21, 2009

Jon and Kate Gosselin are divorcing! Jon and Kate aren’t divorcing! Jon and Kate are going to couple’s therapy! No, wait, Jon and Kate are renewing their wedding vows!

I don’t know what the big announcement will be on Monday’s Jon & Kate Plus 8, (OMG Y’all, I’m soooo excited!) but there are a few things that perhaps we’ve overlooked since we are all convinced it must be D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Here are the top ten other possibilities:

1. Toys R Us will be stocking their shelves with the new Kate Gosselin “Barbie” doll. She will come with hand sanitizer, perfectly manicured nails, have a tan, a clipboard full of ‘to do’ lists, a slight scowl, and of course have Kate’s signature coiffure.

2. Jon found his balls and wants to C.E….L.E…B.R.A.T.E. good times, come on!

3. Mady and Cara are fed up with the sextuplets getting all of the attention and have decided to strike.

4. Kate is pregnant but Jon isn’t the baby daddy. And no, it’s not Kate’s bodyguard either. They’ll spend at least 12 episodes trying to figure out who the father is (hint: could be Emeril Lagasse).

5. Jon found his balls (see # 2) but Kate stomped on them but good and they’ll permanently hang on the hook beside the door. FOREVER. Don’t even think about taking those off the hook, buddy. She’ll cut you.

6. Jon begs “American Chopper” dudes to adopt him and he’ll clean their shop for free, every.single.day. if they never tell Kate where he is. They hide Jon in Mikey’s facial hair. He’s never seen again.

7. Kate agrees to let Jon continue to see 23-year-old women, but he has to make sure it doesn’t conflict with her tanning and nail sessions, because one of them must be home with the children while the other is out.

8. Jon and Kate have decided to invite the Duggars over for a barbecue.

9. Kate is going to give Octomom her hairstylist’s name and number.

10. Kate has written a book titled “How To Ruin Your Marriage In 15 Easy Episodes Of Reality TV.” Jon also wrote a book called “How To Lose Your Balls In 8 Easy Episodes & Pick Up Hot Twenty-Three Year Olds In 12.”

Seriously, I do want a happy ending. Ha, who am I kidding? No, really, I do. Honestly. Stop making me laugh, dammit. I do, I really, really do.

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4 Responses to “Jon and Kate are renewing their vows!!!!!!!!!!”

1. June 21st, 2009 at 10:45 pm, Vote for this article at blogengage.com Says:

   Jon & Kate are renewing their vows!!!…

   Jon and Kate Gosselin are divorcing! Jon and Kate aren’t divorcing! Jon and Kate are going to couple’s therapy! No, wait, Jon and Kate are renewing their wedding vows!…

2. June 22nd, 2009 at 6:34 am, Funnel-System.com » Oh My Gawd Really » Jon and Kate are renewing their vows!!!!!!!!!! Says:

   [...] post by Sassy and software by Elliott [...]

3. June 22nd, 2009 at 10:10 am, Chelsea Says:

   Jon and Kate are always in the news. With their upcoming announcement tonight, here is a recent column from Forbes that questions whether Kate is unfairly attacked by the media because she is a woman…check it out.

   http://www.forbes.com/2009/06/09/jon-kate-gosselin-gossip-forbes-woman-time-tv-shows.html

4. July 8th, 2009 at 8:20 am, that.girl Says:

   My money’s on Mikey as the father..he made her laugh.. GO MIKEY!!!!!
   that.girl´s last blog ..Enough dammit!