Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for September, 2009

September 20, 2009

Hey, I got a boob job.

Bad boys

And other lies I might tell you.  (The whole I got a boob job got you here, didn’t it?… Might as well pull up a chair and read the rest… providing you’re bored to tears and don’t have a life on Saturday night).  And, now, technically, it’s Sunday.  Oh.My.God.  I might finish this post by Monday.  Maybe.

I didn’t really get a boob job, but I’m not ruling it out.  Just so you know.  I have a very strong desire to tell you random crap that I’m thinking and/or feeling and since I believe in following strong desires, I’m just gonna do it.  If I bore you, you’re obviously reading this wrong and really, that’s not my problem.  Get help.  That’s all I’m sayin’.

So, random stuff:

I bought this new necklace last night and it’s gorgeous.  I wore it today yesterday two days ago and it’s all shiny and sparkly and all kinds of awesomeness, except, now that it’s almost midnight, I’d like to remove it from around my neck.  Only one problem: I can’t get the sucker off.  The clasp is nailed shut apparently.  Not opening.  I guess I’ll just have to look fabulous in bed. (Yeah, PS. It’s not almost midnight, because um, I’m lame-o and started this on Thursday night and it’s now Saturday evening .  It’s now Sunday.  And me?  I suck).

TGIF.  It’s now 12:01 as I type this and could be 2:05 p.m. before I finish it.  Just depends on what the hell my brain will allow. (And um, PS again… it’s not Friday, it’s Saturday as I’ve already mentioned.  And?  I suck, again). <—Nope, not Saturday now either, it’s Sunday, at nearly 3 a.m. Scratch that.  It’s now Sunday at 5 pm.  Holy fuck.  Monday is looking good right about now.


Pictured: My daughter and her best friend (not the birthday girl), who is the daughter of one of my best friends.

Went to a roller rink today for my girlfriend’s daughter’s party and the kids all looked so cute skating around, disco lights flashing and music booming.  Did I skate?  Um no.  That would have been horrifying.  Not for me, but for the people watching.  I could not do that to another human being.  People were laughing, having fun, being joyous  and seeing me on roller skates?  Would have definitely ruined the happy atmosphere.  I was not going to be responsible for that pain.  OK, sure, I may have looked cute, but as far as performance?  That shit would have been awful.

If I had a brownie right now, I’d lick it and then eat it.  Some dude on Twitter (won’t mention any names) was – I won’t say torturing me (but he totally was) – teasing me STRONGLY with his, Oh I have brownies with fudge and they’re so good, blah blah blah.  Is that not cruel?  Sure, I could make brownies (even though I suck in the kitchen… correction: suck at cooking in the kitchen) and hell, I could even buy them but that’s not the point.  What is my point?  Oh, yeah, I want someone to MAKE them for me.  Or buy them for me.  Whatever works.  Sad fact is, I have no brownies.  And I want one.  Or eight.

I might watch a movie tonight.  Not sure what movie, yet, but I’m in the mood to watch something scary and be, um, scared.  I like being scared – to a point.  You throw spiders at me, and I’ll be so scared, I’ll drop dead.  I don’t mean that much scariness, just some.  Like sitting on the edge of your seat kind of scary.  Nail-biting scary (I don’t bite my nails though).  That’s the kind of scary I want.  I also want to fall asleep listening to Pink.  I’m so bloody tired, and I love Pink’s voice, and can’t think of a better way to drift off.  Well, sure, there are probably a few better ways to fall asleep, but right now?  That one sounds like heaven.  Since this is also an update post because I sucked at getting this finished in a timely manner (because yeah, it’s riveting), I didn’t watch a movie BUT I did fall asleep last night listening to Pink.  Had some good dreams.

It’s windy here.  And that’s all I have to say about that.  And since it’s now Sunday at suppertime, it’s not windy.  Why didn’t I just scrap this post all together?  Because that would mean starting over.  And?  I’m much too lazy and tired for that shit.

I gambled for the first time last weekend.  Went to Yuk Yuks comedy club (the three comedians were so flippin’ funny, which is a plus seeing as they’re comedians and people paid good money to see them, be funny), which is upstairs from the casino and we had an hour to kill before the show, decided to play the slot machines.  We each took a $20 bill which gives you 80 credits.  Well, after 25 minutes or so of pushing a button (MY GOD, SERIOUSLY, HOW CAN PEOPLE SIT THERE FOR HOURS AND PLAY THOSE THINGS?) and winning 10 credits here and there, I was getting down to my last 30, so went big and bet 3 credits at a time.  Well, things were getting down to the wire, and with the next push of that button, I won two hundred credits which was equal to $55.25.  Not quite the jackpot but hey, it was more than I had come with.  I’m a winner!  Winner!

I went shopping today and made a few purchases.  Bought some shirts, which I might model for you later, depending on my mood and if I’m still wanting to wear clothes.  I might be walking around nudish.  Sure, my kids hate that shit, but so what.  It’s my house and I”ll do what I want.  Gah. I’m such a rebel.  Hey, if Lady Gaga – or as I like to call her Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (’cause we be tight) - can walk around pantless, I can walk around topless.

OK, listen, I’ve bored you long enough.  If you stayed to read this far, you are either really desperate for something to read, just released from a mental institution and don’t know any better, high and/or drunk or love me enough to put up with this shit.  Whatever the case, thank you:


Posted by Sassy @ 6:32 pmBoob,Just Stuff.,Kids,Nonsense5 comments  

September 9, 2009



I’m not sure, but I think today is the day the world blows up.  I mean it is September 9, 2009 – 09/09/09.  That is some scary shit.  Or maybe it’s the medication I took?  I’m not entirely sure.  Oh, and? this shit will be rambling.

I’ve been sick for the past few days, I guess it’s the flu? combined with I’ve BEEN HIT BY A TRUCK feeling.  It’s all kinds of awesomesauce <— to quote a friend.  I’ll be better tomorrow, I swear.  If I have to beat the fucker silly, this flu is leaving tomorrow.  Again, I’m all tough and shit probably because of the medication.  I’m likely not able to fight my way out of a brown paper bag if truth be told.  Also?  I just realized I have written “shit” way too many times and I’m not done rambling.  This is da shit.  Sorry, could.not. help myself.

Yesterday, my grown (boys in men’s bodies, let us remember that) sons were both here (one has moved back in, I swear I will think only good thoughts) and within a five minute conversation, they called me cool and retarded.  I think that was mostly good.  They do annoy the ever-living shit out of me crack me up when they’re together, here, talking, especially when I’m trying to work.  Good times.

So far, this 09/09/09 day is not that exciting (take for instance, this post…you’ve fallen asleep).  It’s just before 7 a.m. and nothing has blown up yet.  Don’t believe all the hype, people.  Just do not.  Or maybe 09/09/09 means unicorns will fly out of my butt?  Now there’s something…

I have to go to the bank today, you know, before the world blows up.  I hope I get the teller that likes to look at my cleavage.  He’s fantastic, the way he thinks my eyes are on my tits.  Silly man.  Sure, I usually wear my bikini top, but that is no excuse.

I might be productive today, or I may not.  I mean it’s practically a vacation day, what with the I’M FAIRLY CERTAIN I’M DYING feeling and it being 09/09/09.  Permissions granted, etc.

I had a dream about Adam Lambert last night.  It was good.  He was here, helping me set up the 60 inch flat screen TV he purchased for me and then he sang for me.  In my living room.  It was a nice dream and I hated to wake up considering I had only been asleep for 2 hours at that point.  Oh well, such is my sleeping pattern.  I’m the two-to-four hours kinda girl.

Did I tell you that my daughter is a teenager?  And an annoying one to boot? Sure, she’s just 9, but she acts like she’s 15.  She wanted to use my credit card yesterday to sign up for some site that you can buy clothes and thought *I* was being unreasonable for not allowing her to go into my purse, take out my wallet, slip my credit card out of it’s little slot and enter all of my information into said website and just purchase a few items.  Right.  Let me get on that, like now, princess.  Has hell frozen over?  No?  OK, good, because I was all worried and shit.

Wow, it’s still 09/09/09 and yet the only thing exciting to happen so far is my youngest son said I need to learn to understand English because clearly I don’t since I didn’t wash the shirt he had asked me to wash yesterday.  Apparently, he could be right.

To my MM vacation girls – I SWEAR I WILL FINISH MY POST ABOUT OUR VACATION BEFORE 2009 IS OVER.  Holy hell, it’s long and youtube (THANK YOU) has been taking 2+ hours to upload EACH video and when I was uploading six videos the other night, yeah, my browser crashed and only one uploaded.  UGH.  Gee, the vacation only ended about 3 1/2 weeks ago.  Yes Sassy, you suck.  I know.  I do.  I will get it done.  Hopefully, it doesn’t bore the (I was going to say shit, but I will use self control) crap (<—that is technically not “shit”) out of you.  I will apologize in advance.  Although, one thing is for certain… Kev on the stripper pole?  Hot.  I mean, he’s so gross.

OK, must cut this, uh, stuff (self control accomplished!) short because no doubt you’re drooling on your keyboard since you’ve died in your sleep because this has been beyond boring.  Hey, it’s 09/09/09, so later, the world is exploding and you will get that excitement you thought you were going to get here but didn’t.  See?  All works out in the end.

I aim high.

Posted by Sassy @ 8:52 amJust Stuff.,Kids,Nonsense6 comments  

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