June 5, 2007

….that some crazy lady would run into the back of my heel with her shopping cart and then she’d laugh and point and half walk, half run away? Who knew? Not me. Lotsa nutjobbies out there people.

Also, who knew that the very short lady at the grocery store would be yelling, ‘hey you’ a whole bunch of times and low and behold she was yelling at me? I didn’t know. When I finally clued in that she was motioning for me to come over to the end of the isle where the faceclothes and towels are, I walk over, while pushing my shopping cart because, hello? I’m a CUSTOMER not an employee. Ya, and I WASN’T wearing a name badge OR a uniform but sure, I can see why she’d mistake me for that ‘hey you employee’ in my denim capris and pink tee shirt and hair in a ponytail. I guess I can’t help it if I look knowledgable about everything. The price I pay.

Anyway, she gets me to go to the end of the isle where there are stacks of faceclothes on sale for $2.34 for a bundle of 12. She points to the sign, which by the way, there were many signs up not just one and they all said 12 WASHCLOTHES FOR $2.34. Plain as day. She looks at me kinda crazy-ish and says, ‘well’? Well what lady? I shrug my shoulders and then look at my watch to let her know I’ve got way more important stuff to do than stand here and watch her be all looney. She then asks me how much these things are? The washclothes? Yes she says. I said, well it says on the GIANT bright orange sign that they are 2 fucking dollars and 34 fucking cents. I didn’t say the fucking part but I was sure THINKING it. She then asks me ‘but how much are they’? Oh Lord. Let’s try this again shall we? They’re two dollars and thirty four cents for FUCKSAKE. Again, I didn’t say the fuck part but I was thiiiiinking it. She looks at me and then at the washclothes and then back to me and says, ‘you people really need to put up better signs for prices’. Then she walks away all huffy. I know, I’m such a crappy NON EMPLOYEE for not having the proper signage up so my NON CUSTOMERS can see what they have to pay for the NON products that I don’t put out because I don’t work there. Gah. Is this like the whole my doctor isn’t my doctor but is my doctoer kinda scenerio, ‘cept I’m now considered an employee of the grocery store I shop at but I don’t get a pay cheque but I do get shit on by customers? I LOVE that.

And who knew that a certain bank which will remain nameless because I might get fired from there because I don’t work there but talked trash about them and then I’d be out a job that I don’t get paid for, and that would suck………but I digress….anyway, a certain bank can’t get their act together and keep our files straight on a certain issue which I will not mention for fear of the universe turning on it’s axis kinda deal and I would feel really guilty if I somehow turned everyone’s world upside down. Oh isn’t that punny? Get it? Ya.

Did you know that I was going to take a shower today but instead I took a bath because I wasn’t going to wash my hair because it looked kinda pretty all flat and stuff since I flat ironed it and my hair is very thick, never gets greasy so I don’t really have to shampoo it every day or it would be like straw? You didn’t know? Well I just told you BUT here’s the kicker. I decided after I got all dressed after my nice bath, that I would clean my bathroom because as some of you may know, I clean my bathroom just about every day because I really like a clean bathroom, anyhoo, as I was bending down to pick up a piece of paper on the floor, which had kinda sorta fallen in behind the toilet, so I therefore, had to sorta kinda squat down and reeeeeach in behind the said toilet to retrieve the piece of paper (I swear I WILL get to the point) and the toilet seat was up and my hair is very long. REALLY REALLY long and guess what? Some of my hair was in the toilet water, which techinally was fresh water, well as fresh as toilet water can be I suppose but still, ewwww. So that means I had to wash my hair because the thought of walking around with toilet water soaked hair ends just kinda sorta creeped me out. Now I must go finish drying it and then maybe flat ironing it if I feel like it, which I kinda sorta don’t feel like. Who knew?

May 30, 2007

I made an appointment today with my doctor, who is apparently not my doctor. Confused? Ya, join the club.

We moved here almost 4 years ago and I put my name on a waiting list to be accepted at the clinic near my home for a family doctor. I was called late in 2003 and told, indeed I would be accepted as a patient with Dr. X. He’s name really isn’t Dr. X but that sounds very mysterious, doesn’t it? I thought so. I’ve been to Dr. X a few times, not many as I’ve been relatively healthy. I do have to occasionally go get my prescription refilled (for my intense beauty, gotta combat the effects with pro-ugly pills just so I’m not sooo hot) (remember, S.A.R.C.A.S.M) and there have been times that my doctor, who apparently ISN’T my doctor has been away so I therefore, had to see another doctor, who also isn’t my doctor, to refill my pro-ugly pills. Let’s flash forward now, a few years, to today. I was told that I wasn’t in the system and that Dr. X isn’t really my doctor because I didn’t have a meet and greet kinda visit the first time. Umm okay. I did but that’s okay if you don’t remember me. I wasn’t on my pro-ugly pills back then and I probably blinded him with my gorgeous self and thus, he has blocked me out as the ‘woman who took my eye sight with her fantastic self’. I can hardly blame the man. But still, I should be in the system of being the patient of my doctor who isn’t my doctor.

I hope I’ve sufficiently confused you because it would be totally not fair to me if I were the only one in a dense state over this whole ‘he’s not your doctor but really is your doctor but we have no record of him being your doctor’ scenerio. Let’s keep the score card fair people, fair.

I go on Monday, so let’s hope I remember to take my pro-ugly pills so I don’t give the doctor who’s not really my doctor a heart attack. Making him blind was bad enough. Oh the guilt.