Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Embarrassing' Category

April 6, 2009

Would you dig in a smelly bag of trash for a silver ring?

Would you dig in a disgusting, smelly bag of garbage for a silver ring? And yes, there really is a ring in there – not a trick question – so would you?

I’m asking for a particular reason – see, I have to do just that. I have this really pretty heart-shaped silver ring with a tiny diamond in the center of the heart and I took it off the other day and was going to put it in the adorable jewelry box my best friend gave me, but no, I was lazy and just set it inside the cabinet over the island in the kitchen, which wouldn’t be a big deal. That cabinet doesn’t get opened often, so really, it could have sat there for days – weeks even – without incident. However, my husband wanted me to make a call for him today, and I needed a piece of paper and a pen to write some numbers down, and where is the paper and pens? Yep, in that cabinet, which I opened the door, and when I reached for the notepad, I set off a paper avalanche, and that in turn knocked the ring off the shelf in the cabinet, and it bounced onto the island and plop, into the open garbage bag that doesn’t normally sit on the floor by the island but I was cleaning out my fridge and pantry and disposing of items no longer safe for human consumption, that really, could probably pass for science experiments.

That sure was a long, rambling sentence, for which I do apologize but I didn’t want to lose my momentum. Plus, I’m stalling. The garbage bag full of gross garbage (not that there is garbage that isn’t gross) is smelling up my house and my ring is sitting in there somewhere – I’m guessing at the very bottom of the bag – and I know if I want my pretty ring back, I must dig through that bag, but I’m nauseous just thinking about it. One plus though – I do have a wicked-ass cold, so my sense of smell is not quite a hundred percent, which will work in my favor. However, my cold has not affected my eyesight, so I’ll see the grossness, which in turn will probably make me puke.

Wish me luck – I’m goin’ in.

*Edit* I found it – less than five minutes of garbage picking. *Insert gagging noise here*

Posted by Sassy @ 6:57 pmEmbarrassing,Food Disasters,Nonsense12 comments  

March 13, 2009

JLo makes my chest glitter.

So, ya, can’t believe I’m going to admit this to the five people thousands who adore me, but here goes.

A few weeks ago, I was shopping and wanted to buy some new perfume. I like having different options – sort of like my obsession with handbags, you know, you want different looks for different days of the week and so forth. Same goes for scent – some days you may want to smell flowery, others, you may want to smell like onions. You get my drift.

I see all sorts of fragrance bottles – Paris Hilton even has her own stink (that’s for you Karl) and as I’m browsing, looking at all of the choices before me, something catches my eye. It’s in a black box with a sparkling silver cover. It’s JLo’s “Glow” and surprisingly, it smelled nice. In the box, besides the perfume, there was a purse-sized roll-on “JLo Glow After Dark” and scented cream. It was reasonably priced, so I bought it.

Later that evening, we were going out for supper and after I showered, I decided I’d wear my new perfume and try out the cream. I am a freak about moisturizing and hope to have subtle skin well into my 80s. Sure, I’m probably delusional, but that’s another story. I rub the cream all over my neck, chest, arms and legs (and maybe other areas, but this is not that kind of post) and spray some of the perfume. I decided to wear a semi-low cut blouse (not trashy, because I don’t do slutty and my kids, particularly my grown sons, would be terribly grossed out. Pam Anderson’s fashion sense I do not have), put on my pants, jewelry, and I’m ready. Of course I’m making it sound like it was a time frame of about five minutes, but technically, it was more like 2 hours. What can I say? I’m a girlie wench.

We arrived at the restaurant, and while we’re waiting to be seated, I take off my coat. I’m sitting there, minding my own damn business, when one of my adult sons, clears his throat and says:

I don’t mean to be creepy and I wasn’t looking, but it’s kind of hard not to notice – why is your cleavage glittering?

My cleavage is glittering?


Um, seriously?


My family starts laughing. Not sure how I didn’t notice my chest glittering before we left, but somehow I missed it. I looked down and yup, I was covered in glitter. All over my arms, hands, neck, chest and boobage area. Luckily, I was wearing pants and shoes, so at least my legs and feet were saved from the embarrassment.

When we got home, I checked the cream container and sure enough, it reads ‘night glow body lotion’ which apparently means CONTAINS A SHITLOAD OF GLITTER. The ‘night glow’ must mean, when you’re in a low-lit area such as the restaurant we were in, the glitter really pops out. Needless to say, I was slightly horrified.

Did I throw it out? Hell no, I’m wearing it again tonight. That’s the way I roll folks, that’s the way I roll.

Thank you, Jennifer Lopez, for making my chest glitter.

Posted by Sassy @ 7:10 pmEmbarrassing,Glamourous6 comments  

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