Oh My Gawd Sodagirl!

Archive for the 'Funky Search Strings' Category

July 8, 2007

Sassy’s Sunday Search String # 2

Oh aren’t you excited? Here we are at my second installment of search strings. You’re just dying from anticipation, so I’d better get started. Should be the most boring thing ever so exciting that you’ll pee your pants. Yuck. You’re gross.

‘Why does my poop look like rabbit turds’?

Because you ate that rabbit. Eat cows or pigs, then you’ll have bigger poo. Just sayin’. Or eat a chicken and then lay eggs. Geez, make yourself useful why dontcha.

‘you come into my yard and you kick my dog’

You came into my yard and peed on my patio set, so I thought that would even things up yo’.

‘I have to poop really bad but it won’t come out, what do I do’?

You get a small shovel and pray. Look, I’m not a doctor, so what’d you expect?

‘sassy pencil case’

I have a pencil case and yes, it’s sassy all right. Everything I own is sassy. Don’t ever forget that.

‘sassy sweatpants’

Bite your tongue. There are no sweatpants on this earth that are sassy. They aren’t sexy. Or cute. Or pretty. Burn them now.

‘big buckets of poop’

Ummm try KFC’s bucket. It’s not great chicken but it’s better than poo, however, it will make you poo 2.5 hours after eating it. I suppose then you could just put your poo in the bucket and then you’d have a big bucket of poo. Aren’t I helpful?

‘Marnie Cook’

Holy crap…..I think my stalker is back. My Marnie Cook stalker. Read this if you want to know what I’m talking about. I’m skeered.

‘pictures of really bad bunions’

Whatever floats yer boat.

And there you have it. Your day is complete and I’m so thrilled that I could be the one to deliver such joy to you. You can now end your day on a note of pure ecstacy. I must go now because I suffered some sort of heart attack/stroke/convulsion thing due to my daughter going missing earlier today and it tired me out. Ah, we found her and I’ll explain tomorrow when I am not so drunk feel like talking about it.

Posted by Sassy @ 9:48 pmFunky Search Strings5 comments  

July 1, 2007

Sassy’s Sunday Search Strings # 1

It’s Sunday. And my nickname is Sassy. And I love reading the search strings I get. So what does that mean? I’ll tell you. Hold onto your seats. I’m going to put them all together and invent the new, ‘Sassy’s Sunday Search Strings’ and lavish you with entertainment every Sunday that I’m not still drunk at 6am. Doesn’t that sound like alot of fun? I mean what the hell else do you have to do on a Sunday? I am here for your reading pleasure. I’m thoughtful like that. Let’s get this party started shall we?

Freeze dried whackaloon

I don’t even know what to say about this. Is ‘whackaloon’ the new word for ‘asshat’? I’m just as confused as you are. I thought one of the results was kinda interesting though. It was some gossip celebrity site that posted, ‘Tom Cruise is a freeze dried whackaloon with man boobs’. Okay, I’ll agree to that.

I like to swim but I have short permed hair

In that case, you may not ever get your hair wet. You will look really silly and wouldn’t we all rather stay dry than get ugly wet hair? And really, who still perms their really short hair? Is this ’83? No. Get with the times lady. Or maybe you’re a man. I dunno. Either way, the perm is dead.

Real guy diapered

Some people are into this. If you’re reading this and you’re in a diaper and are over two, seek help. Big time professional help. And if you’re under two and reading this, where is your mother?

What constitutes ‘white trashy’?

If you eat CheezeWhiz, your favourite colour is ‘shiny’ and you have a window air conditioner, then you are white trash. I should know.

You are sexy oh my shit

I think this was a come on line for me. And how can I disagree with that? Unless the person was meaning their poo is sexy? If so, then that’s disturbing and I think they should perhaps get out more, meet some people, STOP STARING AT THEIR POO. Just sayin’.

I bore my boyfriend

Well when you talk about your hangnails 24/7, what do you expect? Come to my blog and read my stories and then tell your boyfriend about them and he’ll be entertained and intrigued for hours. He’ll then want to come here and read for himself, thank you for leading him here and he’ll fall in love with me and I’ll have to break his heart because I’m all ready taken and then he’ll run back to you and realize that he’s sorta homely and he shouldn’t have called you boring because he’s freakin’ lucky to even get a girl, even if you have a slight beard and back hair and then he’ll ask you to marry him and then you’ll get pregnant right away (on purpose) and then you’ll have trapped him into staying with you even though you really are boring but you’ll be together now forever because of the 9 kids you’ve popped out and then you’ll shower me with ‘thank yous’ forever because I helped this all come true. You’re so very welcome.

What is the Shrek Mcflurry

It’s danger is what it is. Read this , I’ve explained it in detail. Stop Googling it now people. I’ve told the world about it, so be warned.

I want to upset my neighbor

Mow your lawn in the nude and be sure to bend over to tinker with your lawn mower a few times. That will surely upset them. Trust me.

Volcano filled with poop

I’d get far, far away incase that baby erupts. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Geez.

Weird feeling punched in the head

Yes, it’s called being punched in the head. It hurts.

And thus, I’ve concluded my ‘Sassy’s Sunday Search Strings’ and you’re so flippin’ entertained, you could just scream. Or maybe you want to scream because I’ve caused you to fall asleep momentarily and you drooled on your new keyboard and now your z,x,c and space bar are wet and yucky. Oopsie.

Posted by Sassy @ 7:37 amFunky Search Strings3 comments  






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